Monday, March 23, 2015

Obsessive Compulsive "Perfection" Disorder

Dear Heavenly Father,

May I not waste my time with the little things that produce nothing but even hard ache and pain.  I made a mistake and that is to give in to compulsions.  I commanded the devil to leave me and all was well.  I have to do so again.  The devil is a liar seeking whom he may devour.  My pain has been lifted off of me and for that, I am ever grateful.  I am sorry in that I may have gone back.  I don't wish to regress.  I have a perfectionist issue that I need to work on.  I know that living can be hard sometimes but I have to remind myself of many things.  Even though I tend to overwhelm easily, You are always there.  I am not alone, though there seem to be times when I feel this way.  My desire is to like a repentant, obedient life where I can and will endure until the end.  You have given me so much hope today.  I have to confess that going to fall asleep was a big mistake.  I feel like I have regressed to the point of disappointed.  I would like to stop doing research reassurance.  It is only temporary.  I will never get those minutes or hours that I have done so.  Give me the strength that and the guidance that I need to overcome these compulsions.  They are much harder than the obsessions to overcome.  I don't know what to do in this situation.  I tried to let the thoughts pass but feeling and letting myself being anxious seems to be counterproductive when lining up with Your Word.  It says to be anxious for nothing, so how do I reconcile that with scripture?  I guess I need to read and study and pray more.  I also need help in how to deal with thoughts about what I had thoughts about.  I had to distract myself from these thoughts but I don't just want to distract myself from those thoughts. I would like to overcome them.  I pray for healing; I know that by Jesus' stripes I am already healed. I don't believe in name it and claim it, but how do I believe that I am already healed?  I know that Jesus heals but sometimes I feel like I have to say the right words in order to heal not just me, but others as well.  Sometimes I just don't know what to say.  It doesn't help that I have not make You my Top Priority.  Show me and teach me Your ways, Lord.  I am in definite need of You right now.  Thank You for answering this prayer.  I say this in faith.

In Jesus' name,

Amen