Thursday, July 31, 2014

Coping with having OCD

Dear God,

I am in need of a sense of peace and calm.  I am not good at relaxation, but I am good at procrastination.  I was supposed to use some relaxation techniques but I have not done enough relaxation techniques.  It is because of my type A personality.

Help me to cope with having obsessive thoughts that are bothersome.  How do I overcome these thoughts? How do I apply the verse that Jesus is greater in me than He who is in the world?  I am not sure if I can take anymore of having these obsessive thoughts.

I realize that I need to pray for what is really going on in the world.  Israel is at war against Hamas.  Syrian rebels are at war against government forces.  People are being persecuted, saved and unsaved.  There is so much going on in the world that is also of great importance to me. It seems to me that the obsessive thoughts have become a distraction.

Everything is a major issue to me.  I realize that I need to find things that are of no importance in reality that are real to my mind.  I cannot blame the OCD Persona.  I blame myself.  I have no idea how to be bored with these thoughts.  How do I accept these thoughts?  How do I embrace that I have OCD?  How much longer, Lord?  Give me strength.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Thank You-Second chance

Dear God,

Thank You for not only saving me, but for changing me.  You have given me a second chance because You are the God of second chances.  You have given me a second chance.  Thank You.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Monday, July 28, 2014

Being a Priority...my number Priority that is..

Dear God,

You are my number one Priority.  I thank You for answering my prayers yesterday.  I am feeling so much better.  I just hope that I don't react to the thoughts that I have had recently.  I am the problem.  I don't know how to confront fear.  I am confused about everything.  I prayed about having no identity of my own. I wondered who I am and still do.  Why am I in this planet?  What can I do for You?  I wish I knew.

I went to see the nutritionist today.  Lately with me it has been a case of in one ear and out the other ear.  It isn't that I don't care or listen.  It is just that I forget.  I have been obsessing over the big picture which was difficult and not know how to get to that goal.

I realize how easy it is.  The answers are always right under my nose.  I wish I knew the answers sooner.  I ask that You would help me to remember the advice that has been given today.  I plan to follow the exercise regimen that has taken place today.  I want to lose this weight and keep it off.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Thank You for waking me up this morning

Dear God,

Thank You, Heavenly Father, for waking me up this morning.  I have come to realize that I should pray more in the mornings.  I need to be thankful for waking me up this morning everyday.  Everyday is an opportunity to live to be alive.  Today is a gift that I will cherish since it is the present.  Help me to cherish every day that I am alive.  Thank You.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Improving my spiritual life

Dear Heavenly Father,

I wish to spend more time with You daily.  Maybe I should set up a time to do so.  However, I don't wish to just make time.  I just want to spend time, but I have allowed myself to be distracted.  I thank You for all of Your understanding.  However, I am truly sorry for my disrespect.  I have come to realize quite a few things about me.  I have gotten lazy in my reading and studying Your word.  Forgive me, Father.  I have thought about what will happen in the future where all of us will be judged.  Help me to keep that in mind.  I will like all of us have to give an account for how I have lived my life and I hope to get a good account.

I ask You for wisdom in this area that I may be wise and use whatever knowledge You have so given me.  I also ask for Your guidance as I am in need of a sense of direction in my life.  I feel like I am lost in this world and that it has passed me by.  I fail at most everything I have tried to accomplish.  I also ask for open doors and a sense of understanding.  I need a sense of purpose.  I do wonder what Your will is for my life.  I also wonder what why is it I am here.  You know who I am better than  I know myself.  I ask that You would reveal that to me.  Show me who I am and what I need to do.  I ask for the wisdom and the words of the Holy Spirit and I will listen and obey.  All I know that You are looking for obedience from Your people and I admit that I haven't always obeyed You and for that I am sorry.

I need help in repenting of my sins.  There are sins that I give into and I am not a strong person.  I realize that I need Your strength and I ask for Your strength.  I need that daily and I ask You for an increase in faith.  Help me with any unbelief that I have in my life and erase all doubts that I may have.  I ask that You would cleanse me from all secret faults.  Set a watch before my mouth and may I find grace and favor in Your sight, if I deserve it.

I do not ask for money at this time though I am in need.  I do not ask for guidance in material things though I am in need.  I do not ask for long life even though I do not wish to die young.  I also do not ask for other things that are of this world even though I am in need.  What I need most of all is an answer from You.  I am and will be like Solomon in this manner, for I ask for wisdom that I may live for You and serve You all the days of my life.  I wish to dwell in the house of the Lord, forever.

In Jesus' name,

Amen


Thursday, July 24, 2014

"Footprints"

Father,

I thank You for listening to me and for answering my prayers.  I really appreciate it.  I have been appreciating life more and more each day because of You.  I needed You today and You were there.  I am now reminded of the poem "Footprints" where no matter where I am in life, You were always there.  I felt alone and no matter what, You were always there.  It is fitting that I was reading parts of the Book of Job where he lost everything and had everything restored.  Like Job, I hope to have held on to my faith in these times.

In Jesus' name,
Amen

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Anxiety problem

Dear God,

I have been dealing with anxiety for a number of years now.  Father, I ask for a peace of mind and peace in my heart.  It is hard to deal with sometimes because right as I am typing that something wrong with me.  I am not well or at least I am not 100%.  I would like to say that I am doing just fine but I am just nervous.  I wonder if it is the coffee or is it just me?  I am still worried about this one thing that has been bothering me ever since this weekend.  No matter how hard I try it still comes back. I have a hard time dealing with that. Give me the strength that I need to make it through the day and into the night.  Give me daily strength.  I ask for provision for all of my needs, not just this one.  Help me Lord, help me.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Thank You, Jesus

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for saving me.  I ask that You would strengthen my faith daily.  I also ask that You would continue to love me for You first loved me anyways.  I ask You for the wisdom to use what I have and what You have given me to gain even more knowledge that I may walk in that said wisdom.  I ask for guidance and a sense of direction in my life.  I need You everyday.  Help me to be stronger every single day.  Thank You for answering this prayer.


In Your name,


Amen

Monday, July 21, 2014

How I feel about having OCD

Lord,

Why do I have the kind of obsessive thoughts that I have?  I have wondered this from time to time for many years and all I have are theories.  Is there uncertainty to this as well?  As you know, I don't like uncertainty and I realize that I have this need to find the answer.  It can be tough going through what I am going through. I don't like having OCD and I wish that there was no pleasure in rumination and even thinking about it sometimes.  I realize that if there was no payoff, then I would be focusing my time on something else.  I tried to reflect on time today but I just couldn't get my words together.  I hope that this won't be the case with this letter.

I feel like I didn't always put You first in my life, period.  I was so worried and caught up with the things of the world.  I do wonder if that is why I have my doubts sometimes and are so concerned with what I say and how I say it.  I wonder if there is a bit of OCD in that as well.  I know that there is definitely OCD when it comes to the assurance of salvation.  I have been saved for many years and I cannot stand having doubts about my salvation.  I know Your word gives me understanding, reproof, and correction, but I have doubts about being saved.  I wonder how I should say a prayer in order to be saved.  How does one become saved anyway?

Last night or rather, this weekend, I felt like I needed to make a decision about something big.  In fact, it wasn't in reality.  The world does mundane things every day.  I often wish I could live in the mundane.  I really don't like having OCD.  I don't just want to manage having OCD anymore.  I want to be healed from it.  I need to be healed.  My desire is to be healed.  I hate having these fears sometimes.  I wish that You could just take them away.  But even then, I realize that this frustration too shall pass, yet I don't wish for life to be a vicious cycle which it has become.  Get me out of that vicious cycle.  I just cannot take it anymore.  I ask You for wisdom and for strength.

I cannot take it anymore.


Sincerely,


Letters to God

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Putting God as my #1 Priority

Father,

Thank You for saving me.  I believe that when I put You first in my life, all things will fall into place.  I believe that even Your words say so.  I read something about that in the book of Matthew where all these things shall be added unto me.  I have been anxious for a long time about a lot of things.  I put things in a laundry list that has led to disappointment and even more disappointment.  Help me to put You first in my life.  I want to make You my first priority.  I have admittedly not done so and it is not something I am proud of.  Lord, help me to see that what I watch on TV has allowed me to be caught up in the things of the world.  I have lost sight at times on what is most important.  Thank You for opening my eyes.


In Jesus' name,


Amen

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Setting no evil thing before my eyes

Dear God,

I have come to see if a Baptist preacher were to show the movie in his church, he would be in a lot of trouble.  The movie does show a nude scene so chances are, they won't show it in a church.  I just realize that and for that, I am thankful to You.  

What would Jesus do in this situation?  How do I follow Jesus when it comes not only to my entertainment habits but to all things?  I admit that I don't always follow Jesus' example.  For instance, I realize that I put too much stock into entertainment.  I even have obsessive thoughts about what to watch and what to avoid.

I am sorry that I am using this question WWJD to avoid things but I realize that there can be a healthy avoidance to things.  I will set no evil thing before my eyes.  I wondered yesterday if I were to watch tv would some content be an example of setting evil before my eyes.  Is it true that David was speaking of a healthy avoidance to stay away from bad influences?

I didn't think about that until yesterday.  I give You all credit and all praise for what has just happened.  It is as if my eyes were clear and my anxiety just went away.  I wish I could give no credence to those thoughts and let the thoughts pass but it is hard.  Help me to do the things I think are hard.  Help me to do what is possible for You.  What is hard for me is to break the obsessive compulsive cycle.

Sincerely,



Letters to God

Friday, July 18, 2014

Private letter-Planning meals

Dear Lord,

Help me.  I thought I could manage things.  I call on You to manage things for me.  I ask You for the wisdom that I need to take better care of myself.  I need help.  I need to change everything.  I just need to start all over again.  I am frustrated and don't feel good about myself.  I am trying and that is the problem.  I am learning and trying to plan meals in advanced.  It is minor to You so could You help me?  Your help is and will be, greatly appreciated.

I sincerely ask for forgiveness of sins and for peace of mind in my life.  You have been there for me and I am thankful.  I need You for guidance.  How do I start taking care of myself?  I have not eaten healthy today and I am concerned about what the doctor will say next Thursday.  I don't want to take insulin and I don't want any complications either.  I also don't want a negative report from the doctor because of my poor eating habits.

I am thankful that I can share my secrets and bare my soul to You.  You are the One and only True and Living God and I need help in taking better care of myself.  I want to start immediately and I need help immediately.  I need You most of all.  Cleanse me from my unrighteousness and pick me up from where I have fallen.  Place my feet on solid ground.  I need a strong foundation, Lord.  I need You.

Sincerely,



Letters to God

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Financial matters-Private letter

Dear God,

I plan to purchase a house soon.  The problem is, I don't have the funds.  I need $200,000 to cover the costs of transportation, repairs, insurance, and furniture.  Like I mentioned earlier, I don't have the funds.  I prayed to You about this and I strongly believe that my prayer will be answered.

I have a house that I wish to purchase.  It is not an expensive house and it is less than a mile from me. Judging from my low income and my credit, it will be difficult to purchase a home, but it won't be impossible. I am in my late 30s and it is time for me to be independent.  I have been wanting to be independent for years, but I promise I will not neglect my mother.

I plan to make arrangements to buy that new house and to tell her in advance.  I also plan to fill out a form that will be made out to me.  It is a pre-qualifying statement that will determine how much my loan could be. I am praying that You would open a door for me.  I promise to make good on my promise.

I have grown tired of walking on eggshells.  I don't have much peace in this house.  In fact, I am bored.  I am cooped up in this house most of the day accept when I have appointments.  I cannot drive and I have no transportation of my very own.  I am not sure who will teach me how to drive though I have some idea who could.  It is as if I am not trustworthy enough to be taught.

I know it will require a lot of money for gas, oil, paperwork, cleaning, insurance, and repairs but I need a car or van of my very own.  I have never driven a car and I would like to learn.  I feel like the world has passed me by and it is hard to learn that it has.  People may age have cars, kids, jobs, and homes of their own. Most of them even have friends that they contact offline.  I don't have that and it makes me feel embarrassed.

It has been ten years or so since I have been to school.  I wonder if that is what You have in store for me.  I need help, Lord, moving forward and moving on.  I just wish I know what to do.  Thankfully I am grateful that You are in my life and that You are the Leader of my life.  I put You first in all things and I ask that You would open doors for me.  I cannot afford to go to school or to buy a home and I don't want to get into any debt.  I cannot even afford a car.  I wonder how I can.  What I want most of all is to be finally sound and self-sufficient.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

I apologize to God

Dear God,

Thank You for giving me peace of mind.  I just read from the book of Ezekiel and I find myself fascinated about prophecy.  I have been for a long time, ever since I was in college.  I found myself at one time absorbing whatever knowledge came my way.  Now I find myself absorbed by what is true.  Help me to continue to think on what is the truth and what is justice and what is of good report.  In other words, help me to find on the things of the Living God.  I was so trusting of people who didn't have my best interest at heart including those who only cared about my money, what I had of it.

I know and realize that they don't care about me.  They never have and they never will.  But they shall have their day in court.  They will be found guilty of deceiving many and taking many of them to Hell, where they will remain until it is and they will be, cast into the Lake of Fire.  I have wondered and prayed and prayed and prayed about being saved hoping that it will never be my fate.  I know that prayer is about sincerity but it is about faith and a deep, respectful communication with You, Lord.  This implies a relationship.  I am to have a relationship with You and I didn't always cultivate that relationship.  For that, I am sorry.  Please, forgive me.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Peace of mind

Dear God,

Thank You for everything.  I have a very clear mind because of You.  I have a good sound mind because of You, too.  I am often anxious but You have given me peace of mind knowing that You will always be there.  Thank You.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Monday, July 14, 2014

Spiritually in tune

Dear God,

Thank You for saving me and for giving me the assurance that I am one of Yours.  Yes, I will live for You and serve You all the days of my life.  I put all my trust in You for all things.  I have read through the Book of Judges 2-4 and I ask You to apply those chapters to my life.

It is hard to ask You to apply those words to my life when I know hardly anything because I failed to read it. How do I keep reading Your word and keep being faithful to You?  I ask for the Holy Spirit's leading and guidance in this manner.

I have been in need of wisdom and guidance for a long time.  All I had to do was read Your word daily and study it.  It is simple as that.  Give me the motivation to read daily, to get my eyes in the word and to never let go.  I also ask for the renewal of my mind that I may be transformed.

I just want to be a Christian.  Ever since I was a child I felt like I had some connection to the spiritual realm. I often felt guilty about something though I didn't understand it.  I took it seriously though I didn't like gospel music.  I used to believe that one wasn't going to make it because they didn't listen to gospel music because other people told me so. At least that was how I interpreted it.

I guess I was legalistic in that sense.  I am easily influenced by what others say and I don't want that anymore.  I don't want to tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine.  I am guilty of sin because I have a conscience.  However, I wonder if it is a good or bad thing to remain in that guilt.  I have had spiritual doubts and feelings of guilt for years.  I am not sure if it is always the OCD or if it is that guilt that has been there and the enemy has used it against me.

For years I have been told that I am not truly saved.  It does make me wonder if I am saved or not.  I have prayed over and over and over to receive Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  I guess it is okay that I don't put full confidence in myself.  That means to me that I have put and am still put full confidence in You.  I am doing so much better today.

I believe that I have allowed myself to be deceived at times.  I believe that I have always been spiritually in tune but now it has taken me to a point where I am secure in who I am.  You have given me that security and no matter what goes on, I will put all my confidence and trust in You.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Sunday, July 13, 2014

My doubts, worries, and anxieties

Dear God,

Help me to not worry or be anxious.  Worry and anxiety are two problems that I have.  Help me to hearken to Your voice, Lord.  I want to be one of Yours and that You will know me.  I know that I am a sinner who doesn't trust her motives.  I don't trust myself but I have difficulty trusting in You.  Help me with my unbelief.

Reality is hitting me closer than it has ever been before.  I have a perfectionist complex and I need to have a renewed mind.  I feel like I haven't grown in the faith because of my worries and anxieties.  I am concerned that I will never over come these worries and anxieties.

What is wrong with me that I am a professing Christian, yet I have these things on my plate?  Am I one of the fearful and unbelieving?  My faith has been shaken because I believe I have allowed myself to go to and fro with every wind of doctrine.  I wonder sometimes how You see me.  I read and hear that You love me and that is what I believe.

I need to change.  I need to be wise and receive guidance from You.  I am so apprehensive about all of this. I listen to others and not take enough time to read or study Your word.  Maybe that has been the problem.  I have gotten myself so caught up in the things of the world like celebrity crushes and obsessions that they have taken great priority over You in deed.  I am truly sorry for that.  I would like to overcome these things.

I have learned to embrace that at 39, I have crushes.  I have a crush now on a big name movie actor and also his late son, who has since died 2 years ago on this date.  Life is fleeting and looking at his grave was sobering, to say the least.  I often wondered what were to happen if I have died young, never truly repenting of my sins.  I wonder what my life would have been like if I have never been born again or at least thought I was born again.

Help me to focus on Jesus who is all about uplifting, forgiveness, baptizing, saving, forgiveness, and being life affirming.  I focus too much on things and people that are not about what Jesus is about and who Jesus really is.  Jesus is Lord.  I believe that He is the Son of God and that You rose Him from the Dead.  I write this because I wonder if I feel my praying is too shallow or has been for nothing.

I pray for salvation over and over and over again and while I believe that I am saved and of the faith, I still have doubts.  Because of those doubts, I wonder if I am double-minded and lacking in faith.  Am I really saved or am I really lost?  That is the question that I ask myself.  How is it that in my mind I know that I am saved but my doubts say otherwise.  Do I have a reason to feel the way that I do?  Do I have a reason to doubt?  What is wrong with me?

I need constant assurance and reassurance that I am truly saved and not lost.  My biggest fear is that I am not ready, on my way to Hell, and I am not truly of the faith.  Help me to work out whatever salvation I may have with fear and with trembling.  Help me.  I need help.

Sincerely,


Letters to God


Saturday, July 12, 2014

Private letter

Dear God,

I am not sure what to write sometimes.  That is like I don't know what to pray about.  I do talk to You about my secrets and fears.  I do thank You and praise You.  But what more can I say or do?  I have this issue that I have difficulty repenting from because I have a difficult time trying to overcome it.  I am not proud to say that I have this issue.  It is quite embarrassing to even talk about with You.  What do I say to overcome this issue?  What as a believer, do I need to do to overcome the embarrassment and the secrecy?

It is a sin.  I know that now.  Cleanse me from my secret thoughts.  I cannot believe that I am airing this publicly but I am.  I am not proud of what I have done.  Sometimes because of this, I wonder if I am for real so to speak.  I don't believe that as of yet, I have not yet been made perfected in love.  Right now, I am doing just fine.

I just wish I can overcome this sin.  I could pray this for others and minister to them, but I just have a hard time believing for myself.  I have a problem and I know that You are the solution and that You forgive.  I would love nothing more than to trust You on this, but I don't know how.  I am scared that not only will I not be able to overcome but that I won't be ready.  That is a sobering thought.

I am so worried about this.  I was not even sure if this was a sin.  I know now that I was wrong and that it is an issue.  It is not uplifting or life-affirming.  It is just wrong.  Sin isn't life-affirming or uplifting.  It is cruel, deceptive, and leads to death.  I feel like every time I have an issue, I feel like I am playing around.  I am really not.  I have a problem and I need to have a Solution.

Help me, Lord.  Help me to trust You for all things.  Forgive me for all of my sins.  Cleanse me from all unrighteousness.  I repent of all of my sins, and including this one.  I am sorry for what I have done and every time I commit this sin.  I am just worried about the state of my soul.  Maybe I shouldn't be worried because worry won't help me either.  I am anxious about this and I know why.

I am concerned that I could die in my sin or commit this sin on the Day that You will return.  I don't want to be like the Foolish Virgins in Matthew 25.  I don't want to be like one who has not truly repented or who has been deceived by false teaching or anything else for that matter.  All I want to do is to live for You and serve You all the days of my life.  I want to dwell in Your house, Lord, forever.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Thursday, July 10, 2014

How I'm doing

Dear Lord,

I feel great today.  I am a bit tired, but I thank You that You know of all of my needs before I even ask of them.   I thank You.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Willing to go the distance for God

Dear Lord,

I didn't realize how strong or rather how weak my faith was, until today.  How far am I willing to go as to give up my very life to You?  I was watching this really awesome film about that very same topic and even though I would like to know more about You, I don't take the time to do so.  I am sorry but that isn't enough.  I need help.  I need to repent but I don't know how.  I need to change.

I was so caught up in the things in this world that sometimes I don't always think about the eternal world.  As You can see, I want to go to Heaven when I die and spend eternity with You.  I am afraid that I will not change.  I am afraid that I will continue to be caught up in the world instead of just being in the world but not of the world.  Then I wonder why things don't always work out for me.

It is my fault.  It is all my fault.  I think on the least necessary of things like a tv show that I don't really plan on watching.  I ask and check and research for reassurance.  It helps me temporarily but I realize that this too shall pass though it doesn't always feel or seem that way.  I feel like I am alone in this world.  I have to admit that I am not in strong in faith.  Help me with my unbelief.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Monday, July 7, 2014

Issue that is more of a bondage

Dear Heavenly Father,

I ask that You would draw me closer to You.  I also ask that You will use me as a vessel to draw others closer to You.  I don't believe that I have not done enough.  However, can any believer do enough?  I don't want to be told that You never knew me.  That would be my greatest fear.

Give me a reason to not fear and have doubts.  I didn't like what I did last night after I prayed.  I am so sorry for my hypocrisy and my disobedience.  Christianity is not a religion of hypocrisy but of truth, integrity, and justice.  What I did last night didn't constitute not even one of these things.

I am obsessed with this very issue.  I am in dire need of help.  I want to be ready for Your return, but I don't trust myself or my motives.  I know that I wrote this last nigh.  Though I don't trust my motives or even myself, I trust You.  I need help overcoming this issue.  I realize that I need to let go if I could.

I also need to know if I could go ahead and just pray it away.  I am not trying to be funny, crass, or disrespectful, but I am hopeless when it comes to this issue.  It is somewhat of a compulsion but I always give in as well.  I wish I could tell You that I tried to stop, but I didn't try hard enough.  I know that I need to be set free from this for this is an issue that I have.

I have had this issue for years now and I believe that my obsessions, my crushes, and this issue all go hand in hand.  I have the insight but I don't know how to deal with it.  Such has been the story of my life, especially for the past seven or so years.

The root cause is not a lack of a healthy self-respect, though that would play a role.  The issue is having an unhealthy fascination starting from when I was a child.  I wonder if being isolated has something to do with it.  I have issues that stem from childhood that have yet to be fixed.  I wonder if that is what I am bonded to.  How do I get set free from all of this bondage?

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Pouring my heart out to the Lord

Dear God,

Draw me closer to You.  Sometimes I feel like I am not close to You.  I feel alone and disconnected.  I don't understand what I am doing wrong.  Is it the doubts that plague me on a daily basis?  Am I saying the wrong things?  Do I lack faith?  Maybe that is the problem.  I don't know what is going on.  Help me, Lord.

I am frustrated.  I have fears in my life.  I feel like I am walking on eggshells with everyone and I cannot take it anymore.  I ask that You would renew my mind so that I may be transformed by this renewal.  I am here to say that I need to be less fearful and be more of good courage.  Fear has plagued me for a long time and it has gotten me nowhere.

I am trying to say that I just don't know how to live life anymore.  I spent so much time on dealing with the wrong issues and not on doing the right things.  To me, I don't know what the right things are.  I do need to take better care of my body and my health, yes.  However, I also need to take care of my heart.  I also need to manage having OCD, not just to deal with it.  It seems so cold to just deal with it.  I feel like everything is about checking and asking for reassurance.  It goes from being saved to infidelity to celebrities.  Help me to take better care of my soul, my very core.

There are sins that are hidden from the rest of the world that only You and I know about. I am not proud of those sins.  Cleanse me from my secret faults.  Make me whole again.  I am more than aware that You will hold me accountable for how I live my life.  I don't trust myself, but I will put my trust in You.  It is as if everything I do is being controlled by my obsessions and my thoughts.  How do I embrace the obsessive compulsive disorder?  How do I live life without obsessing about things that are really none of my business or should not even be my concern?  I feel like my life is just one obsession after another.  I also feel like I am living in an obsessive reality.  I wonder if I am committing idolatry because I spend a lot of time with dealing with these thoughts more so than being a believer and living for Jesus.

I write and talk a good game, but I wonder if I am living it.  Why me, Lord?  I feel like a hypocrite sometimes.  I spent a lot of my time thinking about a person who has since passed more so than I think of the things that are eternal.  I am not a Catholic, but I wonder if he made it to Heaven or to Hell.  I shudder to think what happened to his soul.  I do think about these things whether or not I will spend eternity in Heaven though it will pass away and live in the New Jerusalem.  It scares me to think that I may not be ready and that I won't spend eternity with You.  Help me to understand that You love me and to test myself to see if I am one of Yours.  I should hear Your voice but it seems as if I am too much into the world like tv more so than Your Word.  I am sorry.

I am afraid that I will be one of those "Christians" that will not make it.  I am scared of times that I will end up deceiving myself.  When if I were to pass away right now?  Where will I end up?  I don't have enough confidence in myself as far where I will end up.  I hope that I lived right, and hear Your voice in order to be raptured.  I won't set any dates but I believe that You will return soon and I look forward to it.  I look forward to life being over, but first I got to not have these doubts.  I will also have to grow closer to You which I feel I have not.  I feel like I am isolated and it makes things worse.  I just want to grow in You and get to truly know You better.

I ask that You would purify my motives.  I don't trust myself when it comes to why I want to be born-again, saved, repentant, and spirit filled.  I also don't trust myself in pretty much anything.  Are my motives pure?  Am I being genuine?  Lord, why am I here?  What are my main goals?  Nothing seems to work out for me as far as trying to lead others to You.  I keep trying and learning only to fall on my face.  Lord, provide for me opportunities to grow and to lead others to You.  I truly do want to live for You and serve You all the days of my life.

What kind of Christian am I?  What is my identity?  Who am I really?  Reveal to me these things, O Lord.  I sometimes don't know who I am.  I wonder sometimes if I am truly genuine or if I am a decent person.  When if I am or have been deceived?  What do I need to do?  Give me the wisdom and guidance that I so need.  I need a sense of direction in my life.  What are Your plans for my life?  All I know is that I have a low income, no job, and I need to update my skills.  I ask for greater opportunities and open doors.

I am happy to be pouring my heart out to You like this.  I feel better when I do.  Thank You for blessing me to write, pray, and use my talents to not only serve You, but to write about how I feel.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Psalm 150

 Praise the LORD. Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens. 2 Praise him for his acts of power; praise him for his surpassing greatness. 3 Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet, praise him with the harp and lyre, 4 praise him with tambourine and dancing, praise him with the strings and flute, 5 praise him with the clash of cymbals, praise him with resounding cymbals. 6 Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD.

Friday, July 4, 2014

Applying what I have learned

Dear God,

Help and show me how to apply what I have learned to my daily life.  I realize now that I find myself being entertained instead of being informed.  I also find myself worrying more at times about entertainment than I do at being studious about Your word.  I am sorry for that and for my lack of knowledge.  I need Your help and Your wisdom in this manner.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Letting it go

Dear Heavenly Father,

Help me to let the past go.  You have saved me so that I have been given the opportunity to not only let the past go but to learn from it and grow.  Thank You for that opportunity.  Right now I am listening to "Let it go" by Idina Menzel.  God, thank You for giving her the gift of song.  It is a wonderful version of the song.  I can relate to this song.

I have lived a rather interesting life.  It is time I must be honest.  I have not let go of the past.  You have made me a new creation in Christ.  It is time for me to act and be that new creation You have made.  I am just glad that I am being perfected just as I am typing this.

I was bullied when I was a child and I have felt and sometimes still feel guilty about not fighting back or saying a word.  I wish I could go back and stood up for myself and fight back.  But now I just wonder and I have been having obsessive thoughts and exaggerated thoughts about them.  I don't remember life being that bad even though I had my share of ups and downs.

I sometimes don't realize how exaggerated my thoughts truly are until my mind "calms" down.  I realize that there is a one in a million chance that the thoughts are true.  It has taken me a while to accept that I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, yet I do pray for healing.  I still do pray for healing but I also realize that I have to reconcile my thoughts with what Your word says.

These thoughts have made me feel lousy about myself because I felt I was weak, but I thank You for empowering me.  I didn't realize that the OCD could be a blessing in disguise.  I do wonder if there is a coincidence between having these obsessive thoughts and my drawing closer to You.  Is there a spiritual link?  Help me to see that regardless of any connection, that I should be thankful and grateful that I have this condition because it has drawn me closer to You.  I have learned a lot due to these obsessive thoughts.

It took long enough to realize that.  I feel so much better.  Thank You.


Sincerely,


Letters to God

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Self love

Dear God,

Forgive me for all of my sins.  I believe that my not loving myself is the root to all of my problems including my perceptions of myself and the world around me.  I have been struggling with self-esteem issues for many years and now I realize why.  I need help in that area.  I need You, Lord.

I wanted to be loved and accepted.  I however didn't realize until years ago that I had it all along.  I realized who my true friends were.  I wish I knew that then what I know now.  I had a false perception of myself and the world around me.

I was always too thin, too mean, too nice, too fat, too this and too that.  I can play a good game, but I don't think all that highly of me.  But You do, and for that, I thank You.  How do I apply what You say to my situation?  I believe that if I showed more love to myself and be thankful to myself then my issues can be resolved.

The problem is, I do not know to begin.  Give me wisdom and guidance as far as knowing where to begin.

In Jesus' name,


Letters to God