Saturday, November 30, 2013

Being thankful for the cross

Dear Heavenly Father,

Help me to live a holy, righteous life.  I know that to really be a Christian one has to be born-again and live a righteous, holy life.  Thank You for everything that You have done for me.  I am glad to be awake and to be alive to praise and thank You.  I am sorry for all of the things I have done.  There were things that I have finally realized if I wanted to be ready for Your return.  I know that You will come quickly.  Though I believe that time is short, You will be here like a theif in the night.  I am so grateful that You died on the cross for me and that the Father rose You from the dead.  Thank You, precious Lord. 

In Jesus' Name,


Amen

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Thank You

Dear God,

I wasn't so sure about the origin or the original Thanksgiving.  However, I realize that it is another day set aside to be thankful for what we have.  In truth, I have much to be thankful for and it is all because of You.  Thank You for the many blessings that have been instilled in my family and to me.  Thank You that with You all things are possible.  Thank You for saving me and giving me new life.  I am a new creation and for that, I thank You.

Sincerely,

Letters to God

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Being Grateful

Dear God,

Help me to be thankful for everything I have.  I have realized that I have much to be thankful for.  I have become a more grateful person.  I won't compare myself or my life to others.  I will just be loving, kind, and more grateful.

Life is just too short to be ungrateful.  Comparing oneself to others will drag a person down.  That is at least what has happened to me.  I am grateful for all You have done for me.  Thank You.

Sincerely,

Letters to God

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

God's feelings

Dear God,

How do You feel about Christmas?  It is nowhere mentioned in the Bible.  I was wondering that because even though I celebrate it, there is a debate in the Church on whether or not we should celebrate it.  Should I repent of it?  Is it a sin to celebrate Christmas?  What should I do?

I am thankful that You are here to answer this prayer?  I ask of Your forgiveness of all of my sins.  I am worried that I may obsess with MR again.  That was my fault today.  I watched videos and looked at pics of him.  I have no use for any kind of obsession with MR, ST, or anyone else for that matter.  When I said that I wanted to live a holy and righteous life, I meant it.

I was not lying to You about that.  I have asked that about Christmas last year because I love to give.  I love gifts myself but it gives me great joy to give and serve my fellow man.  I am excited by this year.  I don't really know why, but I am.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Monday, November 25, 2013

Self

Dear God,

I am struggling.  More than anything, I want to live holy.  But I wonder if I am a selfish person who wants to live holy for selfish motives.  Life is very, very short.  I feel that I am a self-centered person who has a lot of learning to do about the world.  There are things that I haven't done that I should do.  There seems to be so little time and I have so little patience.  Help me on this one and forgive me for all of my sins.  I desire is to become a better Christian.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Glory to God

Dear God,

Help me to be holy, to be set apart from the world.  Help me not only to exhibit self-control, but to exhibit the fruits of the Holy Spirit.  I ask for the Holy Spirit to teach me all things.  Show me how to apply Your word to my life.  I have read up on part of the New Testament today.  I am grateful for everything You have done for me.  You are worthy of praise, O Lord.

Sincerely,

Letters to God

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Being free

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for answering my prayers.  Help me not to allow myself to be caught up in the things of the world.  It is easy, I admit, to be caught up whenever my mind tends to wander off into my fantasy world.  I am so thrilled to write this diary and this prayer to You.  It draws me closer to You. 

I am obsessed with saving money for Christmas and writing a budget for the holidays this year.  I believe that this Christmas will be awesome.  However, I ask that You would help me to keep in mind that there are those who don't celebrate Christmas or wish to celebrate for whatever reason.  So many people are distraught and are in need this season.

I don't also wish to pass being thankful this upcoming Thursday.  After what I wrote, I should be thankful more often.  Being thankful can be difficult when all one sees are problems in this world and issues one has.  I have had my share of issues.  I feel so much better now and now it seems that I am truly over my obsession with MR and CO.  I hope that I will never have an obsessive thought over another person again.  It has been a waste of time and it has been frustrating.

I hope these thoughts never come back.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Friday, November 22, 2013

Great time to relax

Dear Heavenly Father,

Today has been a pretty decent day except for the aches and the sniffles.  Other than that, I am not sad about today.  I just woke up and I hope to conquer the rest of the day.  I am a little tired so I plan to make some coffee or tea. 

I do have something to write about though.  I give You complete and total control over my eating habits.  Today's session taught me a lot of things.  It has taught me about loving and respecting myself regardless of my size.  It is futile to allow society and the world at large to determine how I should feel about myself and my body.  I was active before and I will be active now.  I was told I can do what I set out to do and that is diet and exercise, simple as that.  Help me in this journey.  Give me the wisdom and the tools that I need to lose weight.  Help me to set a realistic goal without confusion and without being stressed out.

Also, I pray for healing of myself and of others.  My faith has gotten stronger over the years and I credit You for that.  You have already healed me emotionally and You have been there for me.  Thank You.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Second chance

Dear God,

Thank You for giving me one more chance.  There is nothing in the world like a second chance at life.  At one time I was suicidal or at least I had suicidal thoughts.  I don't have them anymore.  You gave me a reason to live and I thank You for that.  I have been through a lot over the years but I have lived through it and I know I can live through whatever challenge comes my way.  Thank You for everything. 

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

My obsession is fading

Dear God,

I need help.  My mind is a battlefield.  I ask for a renewal of my mind.  Help me to think on something that is pure, just, lovely, honest, true, and of good report.  I know it means to think on the things of You, Father.  How do I do that when I am so busy doing other things?  How do I do that whenever I am so busy with obsessive thoughts?

I have been obsessed with MR and CO for a while.  However, it doesn't bother me anymore.  So far, it has not.  I would like to be a fan but I know and realize that it is not possible without obsessing.  That would be like playing with fire.  Believe me, I don't wish to get burned.

How do I overcome it?  How do I not dream about him and think about him?  I need more help and bad.  During the day, it is not as bothersome as it once was, but in my sleep it doesn't bother or upset me, but I know I feel so wrong.  Why do I still dream about him, Lord?  Why did I ever act as if I loved him?

I have become impatient.  Why couldn't nature take its course?  If something is in the back of my mind, then I am not over it.  I am not over him, Lord.  I desire to be over him and live a holy, righteous life.  I want to live for You and serve You all the days of my life.  I obsess about his ex-wife even though he has been married twice.  His second wife is telling all about her life, but not just with MR but about her whole life.  It is good that she has moved on.  It is also good that MR has moved on too.  It is time for me to move on.  It is still bothersome and I don't want any part of it.

MR is just a man and CO is just a woman.  In hindsight, I don't really care, but I do.  The OCD wants me to care and it seems to be winning, or at least I think so.  I just want the thougths to pass, but is it  biblical and wise to let the thougths pass?  How do I cast down every vain imagination?  What is a vain imagination?  I am just being honest.  I have little idea about a vain imagination.  Why should I care about MR and CO so much?

Should I examine that?  How should I deal with it?  Have I gone about things the wrong way?  I don't wish to ruminate on it, but I don't want to be bothered by it either.  I need wisdom on this.  I pray this in Jesus' name.  Thank You for reading and hearing my request.

Amen

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

A peaceful mind

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You.  Even the shortest prayers have an impact.  Even the littlest of miracles happen everyday.  Life is too short however for wasted words and unspoken phrases.  I love to wax poetic like this.  Today has mentally been a good day.  The thoughts will always come, but my reaction to them is what is most important.

I have come to realize that MR is just a man.  He is an image on a tv or computer screen.  Nothing will ever happen between us.  Maybe he is a troubled man.  Maybe he is a good man.  I will never know.  That doesn't even matter.

I have come to realize that CO is just a woman.  She is an image on my computer screen.  I will never know her.  It doesn't matter.  Her writing a book doesn't mean anything to me.  She isn't writing about me or anyone I know.  It isn't destroying my reputation.  I would read her book out of curiosity, but curiosity kills the cat.  That is what is happening to me.  I  was tempted to download her book so that I can see what she wrote about her ex.  Maybe she is telling the truth.  Maybe she is lying.  It is between You and her.  I have no further opinion on the matter.  It doesn't matter.  It never should have and the only reason it did is because of the obsession.

Lord, let the thoughts pass.  I have grown sick of being sick and tired of them.  Plus I am bored with them.  Once the thoughts are gone, now what?  My mind has been consumed with obsessive thoughts that they have been such a focus.  It has been a long time since I had these thoughts.  Help me overcome the fears and the avoidance to these thoughts despite the fact that I am becoming free from these thoughts.  I can overcome this with Your help.  I can even avoid the compulsions.  Life is a series of choices.  Help me make the right choices and not allow myself to be so curious.  Help me to do whtat is holy and right.  Guard and protect me from all appearances of evil. May I live for You and serve You all the days of my life.  May I be at rest and peace.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Monday, November 18, 2013

Healing

Dear God,

Thank You for giving me the guidance and direction that I needed today.  Forgive me for my sins.  I am sorry for the wrongs I have committed.  Right now, I am not feeling 100% well.  However, I ask for Your healing for not just myself, but my aunt and my neighbor's son.  I intercede on their behalf.  Give their families the peace that they need.  Heal their loved ones, Oh Lord.  I ask this in Jesus' name.

Amen

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Wisdom, guidance, and direction

Dear Heavenly Father,

Give me wisdom and strength in the time of trouble.  I would like to think that I will not fall away.  There will be a falling away according to Your word.  It is a sad thing to think about.  I believe that there is a falling away as I type this.  I don't understand how anyone could fall away.  Maybe they weren't strong enough.  Maybe they were naive.  I don't know, but I ask to stay strong so that I won't be so discouraged that I will fall away.  I will not be ashamed of You and I don't want to be shamed when judgement comes.  I would like to be a witness and a servant unto others. 

What is Your will for my life?  Where in Your Word will I find Your will for my life?  Do I preach?  Teach?  Pray?  Show me how to also use my gifts and talents to glorify You and for Jesus to save others.  I am troubled that I have not always lived such a holy, righteous life.  I need to ask myself how this would glorify You.  Holiness is required, daily living.  I know that I cannot be doing wrong one minute and doing all the right things the next.  I realize that being holy isn't going to be easy, but that is what You commanded us to be.  I am to be set apart from the world.  I ask for a sense of direction in my life.

Thank You for giving me that direction for my life.  I just feel like I am lost and alone.  This is true especially that I have a thought.  Help me to calm my mind down whenever an obsessive thought arises.  I have to realize that they are bothersome and I cannot let them bother me or upset me.  I am afraid of anything, and I mean, anything, triggering another obsessive thought.  I have grown tired of avoidance instead of holiness.  Purify my motives and purify my heart.  Renew my heart and my mind.  Help me to grow in Your word, and I thank You for answering this year.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Intercession for those who are sick....

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am doing well.  I have to eat a little bit healthier if I desire to lose more weight.  However, I am eating over the calorie limit and I need help with that.  At least I am not binging.  I feel so much better health wise. 

I pray for those who are sick.  There are many I know who are sick and are in need of You.  Jesus, heal their minds, bodies, and souls.  Save them and heal them.  Touch them and make them whole.  May their faith make them whole and set them free from sickness.  With You, all things are possible.

I can believe that for others, but for me, it was difficult.  I need to read Your word more.  I am sorry that I have failed in that regard.  I am not as ready as I should be.  I need to be about Your work in doing and Your word in reading.  Life is just too short to waste my time.

In grand scheme of things, nothing else seems to matter but being a holy, righteous believer and pleasing You, Father.  I am happy because I am in a peaceful place right now.  You have given me peace, and for that, I thank You, Lord.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Friday, November 15, 2013

I need God's help

Dear God,

Help me to be a faithful Christian.  I need help on a lot of things, like being able to do things one at a time.  Help me to lose weight one second at a time, one minute at a time, one hour at a time, and one day at a time.  I would like to see what will happen in the future, but I don't trust myself.  I wanted to quit, but I am hopeful.  I know that the worst thing I could do is to give up and go back to my own habits.  I am back on track and I thank You for everything You have done for me.  I believe that I am not to get too comfortable, yet I feel so relieved at everything thus far. 

I have had no idea how well things have turned out mentally today.  I ask that You would let the thoughts pass.  I will not fight them or justify them.  I promise.  I want no part of those thoughts anymore.  No. Really.  I cannot take those obsessive thoughts, anxieties, and fears again.  I guess it is time for me to take a new approach to the obsessive thoughts.  Maybe the fact that they are annoying bother me.  Help me to focus on what is realistic.  Reality can be stranger than fiction and that reality can't always be a good thing.  However, it is better than not living in the real world.

Sincerely,

Letters to God

Thursday, November 14, 2013

The weight of the world

Dear God,

I have noticed that the less I eat, the more stressful I am.  I do have an urge to eat much or rather more than I desire to eat.  For the time being, I am comfortable with eating a 1400 calorie diet.  It hasn't been much of a struggle so far.  In fact, food doesn't consume my every thought.  I guess it is because of my food intake.  I have been wiser in my food choices as a result.  I don't have any headaches or anything like that.  In fact I feel great.  I can breathe a little easier.

Mickey Rourke doesn't bother me...or at least the image and obsession.  I am learning to see things clearer now than I have even a couple of days ago.  I am opening my eyes to the fact that it is all an image, a mirage.  The image is crafted by handlers.  I wonder if he is a miserable, lonely, down-to-earth guy like he comes across or if he is not a nice person.  I don't go by gossip...okay, yes I did.  Forgive me, Father.  Mickey Rourke is not a nice person judging from gossip, but I don't know the guy and I go by the sayings of others.  The fact is, I will never know this man, and I mean, never.

I focus so much and sweat the small stuff I don't always see the big picture.  Yes, I know gossip is wrong, but I tend to be gullible when I hear or read things.  I am a curious person I guess.  Gullible is too strong a word.  I admit I am sheltered and naive about a lot of things, but I am not dumb.  Lord, I am sorry for all of the wrongs I have committed.  I put my total trust in You and acknowledge You in all my ways.  I ask that You would direct my paths and forgive me of my doubts and my lack of faith.
It was as if I was kidding myself.  I had to convince myself almost.  Thank You for giving me such great insight.

Today, You gave me the courage to write about this and not worry what the rest of the world would think.  I feel like a weight has lifted off of me.  I give You all of the praise.  Thank You.

Sincerely,

Letters to God

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Peace and rest

Dear God,

Today has been a rather interesting day.  My father is someone that I remember fondly.  He was a good dad and a good man.  I will miss him greatly.  I do wonder what life would be like had he lived.  He died of cancer many years ago today.  It was a day that I wish I could go back and change.  He led and interesting life rather.  Well, all I say is may he rest in peace.

I didn't have to go to the tutoring session today.  I hope that my student is doing well.  I am glad that I am doing something productive.  I am also learning myself.  I am just glad.  He is doing much better because of me.  I do wish I had paid more attention yesterday to his work instead of the movie that was playing in the house.  I am just glad that he has been helped.  I like the fact that his grandmother pushes him.

You have always been there for me and for that, I am thankful.  I hope to continue eating from a low calorie diet.  I would like to lose over 100 lbs.  However, I had no idea how less stress it is too eat a low calorie diet from a diet with a higher amount of calories.  I would like for this to continue.  Help me to overcome my weight loss fears.

I am just doing pretty well.  I don't feel bad about anything today. Thank You that I am alive and doing well.

Sincerely,

Letters to God

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Low calorie weight issues

Dear God,

Help me to do what is hard.  I need more motivation, energy, and wisdom to lose weight.  I need to lose much weight.  I am being honest.  I am not the healthiest person for my age.  I guess I am in fair health.

I wish I was in good health.  I feel like I squandered my health and I took my health for granted.  I wonder if I should have joined a weight loss program now that I am more motivated.  Lately, I found myself binging because I felt like giving up.

I thought that I had learned my lesson, but I did not, I guess.  I want, need, and desire to change, but I don't know how.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Monday, November 11, 2013

Feelings

Dear God,

Give me the motivation, wisdom, and energy to lose weight, though I admit that is not the only thing that I am concerned with.  I feel like I have so much to deal with as I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.  Stress is not a good feeling to have.  I ask that You would take away the stress and help me to relax as relaxation has been hard for me.

Help me to eat well and exercise.  Rather, help me to do a better job of taking my health more seriously, and show that I am.  Maybe I am not.  I would like to know how much I wish to lose and how many calories that I wish to consume per day.

I lack the faith that I need to get my prayers answered.  I believe however that You have a plan for my life.  I thank You that You think enough of me to have a plan for me.  I don't know what it is but I am not sure that my faith is as strong as it should be.  I ask that You would help me with my doubt and my lack of belief.  Forgive me for being a doubtful, double-minded person.

I sometimes feel like I have been lying to myself and to You.  I am not really certain about anything to be honest.  In fact, I feel like I have been unsure about everything in my life.  I do feel a lot of guilt about things and I would like to overcome that guilt.  I made mistakes and I wish that I didn't have thoughts due to the fact that I failed to act.

I do would like to turn back the hands of time, but I cannot.  Help me, Lord, to understand that I need to move on.  Give me the wisdom and help me to take stock of my life.  Lord, what is really going on in my life as there are so many uncertainties concerning me?  I often don't even know why I am here and who I am?  I do too much and care too much for what others think and that is the root of my problem.

I admit that I don't live the holiest life and I don't know what to do.  Change me and renew my life.  Purify my heart and create a right spirit within me.  Give me wisdom, for You give wisdom liberally.  I need to know wisdom about myself and who I truly am and what I should do.  I repent of all of my sins, Lord.  Forgive me.

Sincerely,

Letters to God

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Telling God the whole truth

Lord,

Give me the courage to tell You how I really feel.  I am glad to tell You how I really feel today.  I feel so much better than I did a few short minutes ago.  I wasn't so sure because I had doubts.  I wonder if I will always have doubts.  I just wish to live right and be right.  I wish to be a pure-in-heart believer in Christ.  However, I don't trust my motives.  I don't trust myself.  I will put my trust in You and acknowledge You in all my ways.  Why do I feel distant to You though?  That is the problem.

Sincerely,

Letters to God

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Being truthful

Dear Heavenly Father,

I didn't behave myself today.  I did some things that I are wrong and for that, I am sorry.  Yesterday was such a great day because of the session that I had.  Today was just as good.  I don't ever want to be continually sinning.  I want to be an over comer not someone who is constantly frustrated.  That is what I have been.  Not everything is okay.  There is a lot wrong with me.  I am constantly battling my weight and my mindset is all wrong.  I have tried to change my mindset but something seems to hold me back. 

I have obsessive thoughts that have held me back.  They have impeded my progress spiritually.  It takes time away from You and it is an impediment to keep me from sinning.  I know that I will never be perfected but I am supposed to be perfected.  Why do I keep messing up?  I am not happy.  I am not happy with things just the way they are.

I want to change because I feel like I need to change.  I wish I knew what to do.  I keep saying that I give You complete and total control, but nothing happens.  Why doesn't anything happen?  Do I need to pray about that?  Have I not given You total and complete control?  Is there something wrong with me?  I wish I knew.  I don't understand.

Sincerely,

Letters to God

Friday, November 8, 2013

Frustrations to overcome

Dear God,

Help me to overcome my frustrations.  I have been frustrated over my weight and my eating habits.  I have gained quite a bit of weight.  I admit that I am a glutton with a binge problem.  Help me to take care of myself and to take stock of my health and myself.  Maybe it is true.  I have not taken my health as seriously as I have.  Help me to see myself as You see me.  I need Your guidance in this manner.  I give You complete and total control over my health, my eating habits, and I ask for Your help in taking stock of my health.  I thank You, for Your help will be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Letters to God

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Thankful for a good day

Dear God,

I have gotten good news today.  I actually did something for someone else and I succeeded.  I feel great about it.  I am quite pleased with that news.  Yesterday I was unsure about things because I didn't take enough time brushing up on my geometry skills.  But at least I have come to an understanding that with Your help.  You gave me the wisdom and guidance I needed to do a good job!  Thank You!  Today was a good day overall.  With You all things are possible.  Thank You.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Troubles have been taken care of..

Dear God,

Thank You for everything.  You have been good to me.  Help me to see reality whenever my mind tends to wander.  I have had a rough few weeks and I have not benefited once.  It is crazy that I didn't think that I could be proactive and get help.  I got help from You.  Thank You.  It is hard for me to express my gratitude and because of You, my fortitude.

It has been a rough few days since I ate so much food.  I didn't think I would binge like I did.  I am so sorry, Lord.  I felt so alone at times and so miserable deep down this morning.  I felt down about myself because I felt like such a weak willed person.  The truth is, that without You, all of us are weak-willed.  No one can truly make it without You.  I know I can't.  I am truly thankful because You are for real, because you are real.

I love You because You first loved me.  Sometimes I allowed my flesh to take over even though the Spirit is willing.  The flesh is weak.  Remind me of that, Lord.  I need to be reminded of much.  I also realized that there are others who carry bigger crosses than me.  There are moments when I don't see it.  Give me strength and understanding through these times.  Remind me continually that You are there for me and that You are faithful.  You will never just let me go. 

Thank You for never leaving me nor forsaking me.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Monday, November 4, 2013

Calming my mind down

Dear Heavenly Father,

I need Your help.  Forgive me for allowing myself to get caught up in the things of the world.  I am sorry about that.  I am just so confused.  Please, take total control of my thoughts.  Help me to relax and calm my mind.  I believe that a calm mind equals a calm disposition.  It slows down my thoughts and eases the symptoms.  I realize that my obsession (I hate the word crush.) is taking away time from You.  I feel like I am getting stronger but today, I lack self-control.  Help me in this area, Lord.

Sincerely,


 Letters to God

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Help

Dear God,

Help me to be a loving person even to those who seem to be the most unlovable.  There is so much nastiness and hatred in the world that I don't want to contribute to.  I want no part of it, but since I am in the world, I will have to deal with it.  So much is going on.  I wait for Your quick return.

Even so, come, Lord Jesus.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Friday, November 1, 2013

Remind me

Dear God,

When I consider my life, there are things, I admit, that I fail to do.  Remind me of those in Christ that they are too my brothers and sisters.  There are people in the world who are truly being persecuted for their faith in You.  Remind me to pray for them and to care about what is going on with them.  Paul was persecuted and so were most of Your disciples.  Let us in America remember those things.  There is so much gone wrong in the American Church that we don't see the big picture.  We don't understand what it is like to be imprisoned, beaten, raped, and even killed because of one's faith.  I pray for those in the Middle East, Africa, Asia, and other parts of the world where Christians are truly being persecuted.  Unlike the United States, there is no freedom of religion for believers.  Remind me constantly of that.

I don't trust myself.  I however put my trust in You.  Remind me of those who are in need.  There are many of us who have no idea what it is like to be so poor, one truly have to make sacrifices for their children by feeding them and not feeding themselves.  While we in America are among the fortunate, the poor in other countries are truly poor.  It wouldn't surprise me if there are poor people in the US who would be considered part of the middle class in other countries.  That is how fortunate we as Americans are.  May I myself not neglect the poor.

There is so much pain and suffering in the world.  I count my blessings as I should.  There are many who don't know You.  There are those in my family who truly do not know the Lord because they practice false religion.  I try to witness to others and to them, but it seems futile.  Then again, I had a mote in my own eye.  How do I become a better witness to others when I have a mote in my own eye?  My sins are just like other people's.  To clarify to You, we are all sinners, but I don't wish to have misused the grace You have shown me and I worry that I have.

I am sorry for all of the wrongs I have committed.  More than anything I want to be a true born-again believer who has the assurance of her salvation.  I don't want to doubt being born again.  I guess that is where faith comes in.  I want to endure.  I want to be ready for Your return.

Even so, come, Lord Jesus.

Sincerely,


Letters to God