Saturday, February 28, 2015

Today is an okay day and a dilemma is not a dilemma

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am okay today thanks to You.  I am so grateful because maybe I should not say this but I am in a grateful mood.  Maybe being grateful isn't a mood.  Grateful is a state of being.  I have much to be grateful for and that is all because of You.  Thank You.  I am a very content person.  I would like to extend that joy and contentment.  I feel like I have accomplished something in my life but I would like to accomplish more.   I am just at peace right now and I don't feel like carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.  I realize that we all have our own sins and our own problems that we each have to deal with.  Monday there is an episode that I am drawn to, but I don't want to watch.  The solution?  I won't watch the show.  It will produce a trigger or not, but I have a feeling that it won't be a big deal.  I will just live life as normal but unfortunately normal can mean a lot of things as I soon found out.  I believe that all will be well and so I will just let the thoughts pass and get it over with. Other than that, I am problem free.  I will live as if it is just something that is nothing more than a mere challenge to overcome.  I know I changed subjects just like that but I have to admit that it has been on my mind.  I have given too much thought to these obsessive thoughts over the years which has caused me heartache and confusion.  I guess in this case, the best thing to do is to practice avoidance but not because of fear but because I don't want to get caught up in other people's mess.  It is as if I am tempted to watch, which is a sign not to watch.  Lord, remind me of this Monday.  What I watch on television is not as important as the quality of my soul or the content of my character.  I can't turn myself off but I can turn off the television.  I believe that there is so much to do here and elsewhere and that will occupy my time.  I am sure there are things I want to do to occupy my time other than what to watch on television.  What makes it so confusing is the voice that says to do it as a way to face my fears.  But I would only be feeding the obsession and that is not good.  I realize that this may be the key, talking it out or writing it out which is what I am doing right now.  I realize that the answer is all in my head as well.  Thank You for giving me a sound enough mind to come up with that answer.  Thank You for this day.


Sincerely,


Letters to God

Friday, February 27, 2015

I need to get out more

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for saving me.  I have thought about this lately and I want to do more while I am still alive.  I want to travel the world.  I would like to go to Latin America to experience life outside of my comfort zone.  The cultures are what I find fascinating but at the same time it increased obsessive thoughts I don't want increased.  I would like to go to Mexico but neither Mexico nor Brazil are so safe.  I don't have the means to just go out and explore the world.  I have grown tired of living the same day over and over again.  There isn't but so much I can do here.  I go places but it is only appointments and shopping.  I am severely limited as to where I can go and what I can do.  I ask You for guidance as I want things to change.  I don't know what else to do.  What are Your plans for me?

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Healing Prayer

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for saving me.  I ask for healing.  I believe that You heal and my faith has strengthened.  I wasn't sure how to pray for healing but I humble myself before You.  Thank You that You are the same for all time and that You cannot lie.  Thank You that You still heal.  I ask that You would heal me just as You have healed countless others.  I don't know if I have the strength to go through another day of obsessive thoughts and mood swings.  I simply cannot take another mood swing or anxious thought.  I know that I could go through worse, but they can be worse than annoying thoughts.  I cannot bear them anymore.  I am asking for healing for myself. I want to be able to imagine my life without them.  I have had mood swings and obsessive thoughts for most of my life and I just want to be free.  Jesus, I am asking that You would set me free so that I could walk as a free person who has been made whole.  Thank You for allowing me to present this request to You.  Thank You for Your healing.

In Your name,


Amen

Monday, February 23, 2015

Thank God for His goodness

Father,

I thank You for saving me.  You are good to me.  I love You because You first loved me.

Thank you,

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Thank You for saving me

Heavenly Father,

I thank You that Jesus Christ has saved me.  Thank You for Your love and Your mercy.  Thank You for the gift of salvation.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Identity in Christ

Dear Lord,

Help me to be ready for Jesus' return.  I am afraid that I am not ready for His return.  There are things that I wish to do before He returns, but first I still have doubts about being saved.  I don't know anyone in my family who goes through the same things.  I know others on the internet who have those same issues.  I plan to attend my therapy session Tuesday and speak to my counselor about this as well.  I don't know what more to do or what more to say.  I am so tired of not knowing.  I want to know.  Who am I , Lord?  Who am I?


In Jesus' name,


Amen

Friday, February 20, 2015

Overcoming obsessions and compulsions

Dear Heavenly Father,

Help me to be an over comer.  My thoughts have not yet disappeared but I believe that I can manage them better now.  I am learning not to give in to checking and asking for reassurance as much.  That is one thing that I am leaning not to do.  That in itself has been hard.  I wish that I could go back and change things but maybe it is for the best.  I don't want to.  I feel freer now than I have before and it feels great.  I thank You for Your healing and Your love for me.  I ask that You would take away my doubts and my cares concerning my salvation.  Give me the assurance that I am saved.  I ask for Jesus Christ to save me.

In His name,


Amen

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Having doubts

Heavenly Father,

I believe that Jesus is Lord.  I have been having doubts about being saved for years.  These thoughts are the worst.  I am not sure if I have been saved or not.  It is a scary feeling to have and to know that it is possible that one has been living in deception the whole time.  I thought I was saved, but I am not sure if I am.  I ask You for wisdom as I don't know what to do or say.  I want to be saved and to see the Kingdom of God.  I want to live with You and for You, but I don't know how to be born again, if I did I would know.  I thought I did but I hope that I do know and that is what the thoughts are telling me.  I fear that I will have this doubt from now til the day I die.  I am actually concerned about my life and my soul.  I could go before I finish typing this.  I ask for salvation and the assurance of my salvation.  I need You, Lord.  Forgive me for all of my sins, including my doubts.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

I want to be saved

Lord,

I have had doubts about being saved.  It has been many years for me and it hasn't always been so easy.  I was triggered by the Lordship Salvation teaching.  I am just scared and have been for a long time.  I don't always read and study the Bible and haven't been doing much of that until lately.  How can I say I am a Christian if all I have is doubts?  I doubt that Jesus saved me right now.  I am afraid that if I die right now, I will not be in Heaven with You.  I admit that that is all I want but I know You expect more from all of us, including myself.  I have not done as much like I should.  My motives have not been pure.  I do not trust myself.  I know and believe that You are the only way to the Father, Jesus, and I ask that You will save me.  Sometimes I don't know how to ask for things because I either get tongue tied or because my prayers don't get answered.  I do wonder if I am a hypocrite who trusted in her own righteousness.  I have all of these issues that I believe that You can fix.  I believe that You are Lord and Savior and that Jesus is Your Son.  My heart seems cold but my mind is not so cold.  I want to have faith in You and right now, I don't.  I feel pretty bad about this because it is as though I never been saved.  It is as if I have been deceiving myself.  I am not sure if this is an obsessive thought due to scrupulosity or not, but it is hard to believe it is an obsessive thought at the same time.

I am honesty not sure if I am of the faith.  I am not sure if You truly know me.  Your word says that we are saved by faith, so I ask You to increase my faith.  I was first saved while in college.  I was going through a lot and a friend asked me about my belief in You.  I told her that I did.  I was a lonely 19 year old who poured my heart out that afternoon.  I prayed to accept or receive You after that and things have changed since.  Thank You.  Now after more than 20 years, it is as if I am not sure if I am of the faith.  Right now, I am dealing with identity and health issues. Yes, I don't want to spend eternity apart from You, but I know that there is more to being a believer than a ticket to Heaven.  I want to know who I am and why I am here.  I want to know how to be born again. I ask for Your wisdom and guidance in this manner.  I also ask for forgiveness of sins and for healing.  I am too sensitive and I think I am saved, but I have my doubts.  I wish I didn't have those doubts and I wish I didn't believe so much what my mind says.  I ask that Jesus Christ would save me.  I ask You for guidance in that I will be able to hear Your voice.  I ask to be purified and made whole.  I ask You also for peace of mind.  Thank You for answering my prayer.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

I want to be healed.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I wasn't sure what to say to You about how I am feeling.  I would like to know what to say or how to pray to You about my issues with obsessive thoughts.  I ask that You would heal me.  Jesus, You are the Healer and I believe that by Your stripes, I am healed.  I am not into name it and claim it, which I don't see in the Bible at all.  I believe and know that You heal and I want to be healed.  I know that You have healed and still continue to heal.  Help me.  I want to be healed, too.  If I believe that You have healed lepers, then I know You can heal me.  I ask that You please heal me.  I am sorry that I don't how to ask You this, but I have prayed for healing of my body for years from bipolar to diabetes to obsessive compulsive disorder.  I ask that You would not only heal me, but that You would make me whole.  Give me the right words to say so that I will be healed.  Thank You for Your answer.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Monday, February 16, 2015

Help me to be an over comer

Dear Heavenly Father,

Help me, Lord.

Help me.

I am at the point where I simply forgot all about my strategy.  I wish I could let the thoughts pass.  I do not feel good after I perform compulsions.  I always give in to them.  I feel so weak willed and so weak minded.  I should not care about the content of the thoughts, but I do.  I don't know if it is curiosity or if it is the OCD, but whatever it is, it is that I just want to know.  Ironically I don't want to know or even want to care.  I cannot take it anymore.  I need You now, Lord Jesus.  I need You now.

Help me.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Come, Lord Jesus

Dear Jesus,

Come soon, Lord Jesus.  I get that things will get worse.  I may sound silly when I say this, but please come quickly.  I look forward to Your return.  In the meantime, what shall I do for You before You return.  Through You all things were created.  You died for us and resurrected.  You saved me and so many of us.  This world is a cruel place and there were times when I wish I were not in it.  I wish that all of "this" was over.  I do indeed look forward to Your return.  Give me strength and wisdom and guide my every step that I may not slide to the left or to the right.  Lord, come.  Your grace will be upon us all.

In Your name,


Amen

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Injustice and mindfulness

Dear Heavenly Father,

There has been something that has weighed heavily on my mind and that is about injustice.  I look forward to Your return.  I wish there was no such thing as injustice to our fellow man.  I wish this would all end.  However You are long suffering and we are living on Your time.  Remind me continually of the injustice in this world and my I pray for those who have been unjustly accused of crimes they have not committed.  May I be mindful of those who have been tortured for their faith. May I also be reminded of the fact the despite all of that, You will repay.  Judgement day is soon and I hope not to be on the side of the tares and I don't wish that on anyone.  I know well enough that there are people who have hardened hearts and who don't seem to care.  I will pray that You would soften their hearts.  I pray that You would continually make me attentive unto You and follow You all the days of my life.  Search us for You know our hearts.  Forgive us when we sin and may we repent of those sins without hesitation.  Help me to also be mindful of those who right now claim to have You in their hearts, but really don't.  May they receive You through faith in Jesus Christ, in His name,


Amen

Friday, February 13, 2015

Intercessory prayer for salvation

Heavenly Father,

I ask for the salvation of my family.  Today will not be about me today.  I pray for others today as I have been wondering about the end of days sort of speak.  Judgement Day will be upon us in the near future and I will have to give an account to You for how I have lived my life.  I ask that You would save my loved ones.  You know them by name and all else.  You know all about them.  Thank You for being the Omniscient One.  I ask that You would do a mighty work in their lives.  Save them as You have saved me.  I pray and ask for the salvation of my whole household.  Give them the wisdom that You have given me.  My prayer is that they receive You as Lord and Savior and that they do not reject You.  May they all live for You and serve You all the days of their lives. May they not just believe but receive and be a blessing to others and a witness and testimony unto You.  May they bless You and praise You in all things and may You be first in their lives.  Open their eyes that they would see that one day there will be no "second chance" as we only live once.  I thank You in advance for saving them,

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Thursday, February 12, 2015

I thank the Lord

Heavenly Father,

I thank You.  You have always been there for me.  You are kind and gracious and your mercy never ends.  You always come through for me even though I know You are more than a friend or a relative. Thank You that with You all things are possible.  You took someone who seemed hard to change into someone who finally realizes that life and change are not impossible.  You have blessed me in ways that I cannot comprehend but I am here thanking You for it anyway.  You are here for me now and always, and I love You for it.  Thank You.

In Jesus' name,



Wednesday, February 11, 2015

The truth shall set me free

Lord,

What is the truth?  Where should I find it?  Thank You that the truth has set me free.  Thank You, Jesus for setting me free.  Thank You, for saving me.

In Your name,

Amen

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Who am I in Jesus Christ?

Jesus,

I need help.  Deep down, I have had doubts even up to tonight about whether or not if I will die I will make it to Heaven.  I don't recall ever looking to a time when I just "looked up to Jesus"  or "looked unto Jesus".  Okay, maybe I did.  Where or who in the Bible had doubts about being saved?  You will know better than anyone.  Am I really of the faith?  Am I truly saved or am I truly lost?  It is a scary feeling to have that one day in the future all of us will have to stand before You and give an account of  how we have lived our lives here on this planet including our spiritual state.  I am not 100% certain of my spiritual state.  It is these moments that scare me.  I think I am saved.  I believe that I am saved.  I just don't want it to be "I thought and believed that I was saved, but Jesus never knew me." in the near future.  I am not sure if I am truly yours.  Is there something that I am doing wrong? Lord Jesus, save me.  I believe with all of my heart that the Father rose You from the dead.  I know that You are the Only way to the Father and I ask that You would give me the assurance of my salvation.  I also repent and ask to be forgiven of my sins.  My desire is to know who You are and for You to know who I am.  I turn from my wicked ways.  Give me the wisdom that I need so that I may mature in the faith and the strength to fight the good fight.  I admire those who seem to have it all together for they know that they are Yours and they know that You know them.  They know their purpose in life and what their will is.  The truth of the matter is, I don't.  I most of all don't trust myself.  I am not even sure if I can be trusted to trust You, if that makes any sense.  All I have is the faith that You will save me and make me a new creation in Christ.  Lord Jesus, I ask You to fill me with the Holy Spirit. My desire is to live for You and serve You all the days of my life.

Thank You,


In Your name, Jesus,


Amen

Monday, February 9, 2015

I need help...

Dear Heavenly Father,

Help me.  I need help.  I don't know what to do.  That is a daily prayer of mine.  I guess that it could be a daily prayer for all.  Without You none of us can do anything.  I believe that strongly.  right now, I am thinking about being a better steward with what I have.  It is sobering to know that there are things that I should have known to do earlier but I didn't know or procrastinated.  Stewardship is one of those things.  Help me to see that You were the one who has entrusted me with what I have.  I don't always see things that way.  Thinking eternally is something that I totally agree with.  Seeing eternally is also seeing what I see now as temporary.  While I look forward to the eternal, I also have to be mindful of the temporary.  What will happen to me in eternity will be because of what happened in the temporary.  Help me to remember and be mindful of that sobering thought, for there is no escaping it.  It is true and to the letter.  All I have to say is that I thank You for not only saving me but for all else as well.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Difficulty expressing myself

Heavenly Father,

I had a hard time with expressing myself today.  I ask that the Holy Spirit would intercede in those moments.  Today was one of those moments.  I need help because I needed to know where I stood with You and where I needed to be at this moment.  I was here physically but mentally I felt all over the place.  Emotionally I was confused and even a bit lacking.  It was not a good space to be in. Prayer was a bit of a struggle today and I had no idea what was going on with me.  However I had an idea or two.  I ask that You would remove all stumbling blocks to answered prayer.  I needed You today and I still do.  I ask for the wisdom to utilize the knowledge that I have acquired over the years. I give You all credit for I feel so much better.  Thank You.


Sincerely,


Letters to God

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Worldly or godly?

Heavenly Father,

I am at a point where I have made a point not to allow my priorities to be skewered.  I have a belief that I have gotten caught up in the things of the world and deep down it has caused me even greater anxiety than I have already.  I don't know what to do in order to get my priorities straight.  My first Priority is You but I confess that I haven't always made that the case.  Lord, I am sorry.  Please, forgive me.  I don't know where to begin to make amends to You.  I don't want to say all the right things only to come back to the point where I am even more anxious because I fail to obey Your will. I ask You for guidance and direction.  I need to actually live like a holy person and not just talk holy but I know that a holy person walks holy.  What is the line between what is a holy pursuit and a worldly pursuit?  Where do  I begin in living for You as if You really are my top Priority?  I am sorry that I have not.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Friday, February 6, 2015

Bravery and Courage

Lord,
In the Name of Jesus,

Thank You for answered prayer.  I finally realize what has been wrong with me all along.  I am afraid not of people, but what would they do to me.  I ask that pray that Riley Renee will be alright.  I surrender her to You.  I leave the situation in Your hand.  I would like to say that all will be okay but I don't think she is out of the woods yet.  I ask that You would continue to provide a miracle for her, and for myself.  I am concerned about myself because I don't wish to be blamed.  Nor do I wish for anything bad to happen to me.  I have an anxiety disorder and I don't know how to be confronted.  I just don't like confrontation.  In fact, I hate it and I need help in overcoming it.  God, give me strength.  Please, help me.  Help me to be brave.  Help me to find the right words to say.  Show me what I need to do during a confrontation.  I do care too much what the "world at large" thinks of me and now I realize that that is a road to nowhere.  I wish I were brave and could fight.  The truth is, I am not and I don't want to just wish anymore.  Give me wisdom in this situation and strengthen my faith and my resolve.  In my mind I see a warrior or a lioness.  But looking back at me I see a kitten or a fly.  I am too mind and too harmless.  I feel too weak.  It is like I am weak.  I can shrink and back down just like that.  It is as if no one cares and that I am so small in the world.  That, Lord, is quite difficult to overcome.  I don't know what to do.  Show me what I need to do.  How do I become brave, strong, fearless, and an over comer?  I don't want to wish it anymore.  I want to be it.  I don't see person who stands up for herself and is respected.  I see a person who is always timid, shy, holding things in, and to be honest, a wimp.  I believe that most people don't respect me.  They see me as being too meek and not strong enough.  How do You see me?  How do I become an over comer?  How do I just say what I want to say or to be brave and express myself?  You are the Only One who can answer this prayer.  I believe that You are greater than this problem which has been a center of my obsessive thoughts for many years. Whatever my beliefs on this are, I thank You for answering this prayer.

Amen

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Psalm 149

Praise ye the Lord. Sing unto the Lord a new song, and his praise in the congregation of saints.

2 Let Israel rejoice in him that made him: let the children of Zion be joyful in their King.

3 Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp.

4 For the Lord taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the meek with salvation.

5 Let the saints be joyful in glory: let them sing aloud upon their beds.

6 Let the high praises of God be in their mouth, and a two-edged sword in their hand;

7 To execute vengeance upon the heathen, and punishments upon the people;

8 To bind their kings with chains, and their nobles with fetters of iron;

9 To execute upon them the judgment written: this honour have all his saints. Praise ye the Lord.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

You are worthy of praise...(Psalm 100)

A psalm of thanksgiving.

1
Shout joyfully to the LORD, all you lands;
2
serve the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful song.
3
*Know that the LORD is God,
he made us, we belong to him,
we are his people, the flock he shepherds.
4
Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
his courts with praise.
Give thanks to him, bless his name
5
good indeed is the LORD,
His mercy endures forever,
his faithfulness lasts through every generation.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Reconciliation, motivation, and a sense of freedom

Lord,

May I not remember and continue to remember the light bulbs that I had this morning.  I have had years of light bulb moments but I was lost.  I didn't know how to take action.  I feel so much better. Right now, I am wide awake.  I admit that I have not lived holy.  Your word says that we are to be holy since that is what and who You are.  I am asking for Your forgiveness, Lord.  I am sometimes concerned that I place too much importance on things of the world instead of on things of You.  I have learned to overcome fears and the cares of this life.  I need help in seeing the things of eternity and to think eternal.  It is what is real and permanent.  Give me the motivation to live and breathe and see the eternal.

I have another issue that I wish to address and that is to take care of my body.  I am more motivated to exercise.  I know that I need to lose weight but at one time I had no motivation to exercise.  The truth is I weigh almost 290 pounds and I don't wish to gain weight to the point where I will get to stay in comfort about my weight.  However I have know that I don't wish to weigh 350 pounds with the same health issues.  I am a diabetic who is clinically obese but I don't wish to stay that way.  My desire is to lose weight.  Show me how to do that when it is so difficult to do so.

I have gained weight and lost weight over the years and nowadays it has taken its toll on my health and my psyche.  I have spent a long time wanting, needing, and desiring to lose weight.  I ask for the wisdom to lose weight so that I may take action.  For the first time in years, I am finally taking some action.  I am finally seeing myself as a person who was filled with a lack of confidence and at times, self-respect.  I am doing so much better.  I ask that You would lift this burden from off of me.  I have been impatient yet it seems that I often prove myself right.  I have to deal with these issues.  I felt that it was so sad that I had to define myself by slips of paper to affirm myself.  Having respect for myself is a spiritual issue.

My real desire is not just to be healthy but to be also a self-respecting woman who is not overwhelmed and bogged down by the cares of this life.  I felt like I have had many.  I have not liked myself because I have been overwhelmed.  I still have to deal with being overwhelmed and that is the root of my problems.  I realize that fear is tormenting and I realize that I have been tormented most of my life.  That is the reason why I don't wish to go out there and exercise.  I procrastinate because of a fear of failure.

I hate to fail ever since I was a child, even when it came to card games.  I hated to fail and make a mistake for fear of being called names.  I fear being called names and being disliked and bullied more than anything else.  Now that I know what is wrong, how do I overcome that?  I know that it requires action on my part but how do I reconcile what I need to do to what You can do?  I ask for change from within yet I have to take action.  Where do I begin to remove those stumbling blocks?  Maybe that is the problem.  I tend or want to isolate myself and go at things alone.  I realize that that has made things worse.  I need wisdom and I ask for all of the wisdom I can get.  I don't wish to go back and just write things out.  I ask for the Solution to all of these problems.

I ask that You that You would give me hope.  Help me to see things in my life that align or don't align with Your word.  There are some things that I would like to change but I know in my heart that change requires taking action and doing something about it.  Tonight I would like to say that I let it go.  The world has brought me down and I have had thoughts of negative things and I have been overwhelmed ever since.

Jesus, I thank You for dying on the cross for me.  I would like to know how to take action.  I ask for wisdom that I may take the appropriate actions to overcome the things of the world as You have. Help me to live as if I know for a fact that You are my example.  How do I go about doing that? How do I live for You in a planet where there is much pain and much strife?  How do I go about not living in denial while at the same time not allowing myself to get bogged down?  Show me, Jesus.  I know that You are Lord.  Help me to relate to Your death on the cross so that would reconcile Your sacrifice to all that is me.  I know that You have saved me and I thank You for saving me.  There are times when I feel like I haven't always been saved.  I have even had doubts about whether or not I am living in the faith.  May I follow You always.  I am ever thankful and praiseworthy that You would take the time to actually listen to me and that You would answer my prayers.

In Jesus' name,

Amen