Friday, March 13, 2015

I have issues

Dear Heavenly Father,

I thank You that my thoughts are waning.  I am doing so much better because I am learning to follow the weight loss plan that I am a part of.  I am here to say that I need to eat healthier and exercise. All I need to do is to get out there and exercise.  Working out is good for my psyche as well as my body. I am here to write that maybe most of weight loss is about food, but I need to learn about myself when it comes to getting physically fit.

I have another issue.  Avoidance I realize now is not good for OCD.  I have to expose myself to the issues in mind.  I am scared of the issues that confront me such as infidelity.  As You know, I have my fears.  I wish that I could abstain from all appearance of evil when it comes to television and movies.  I spend hours and hours watching and entertaining myself.  I am even scared that being Christian is a good way of avoiding ways to entertaining myself.  It isn't bad during the day but I tend to worry about TV and movie programming at night as long as the programming is safe for me to watch.  Music doesn't really bother me because of my choices.  Maybe that is what I need to focus on.

I realize that I need to focus on prayer, study, reading, and holiness.  I don't always focus on those things and I am truly sorry.  I am a Christian who hasn't always lived or behaved as a Christian.  I tend to fall short on a lot of things and now I wonder how much.  I could use Your wisdom and Your council, for You will provide wise counsel.  I do isolate myself a lot and maybe it is time for me to go out there and not be so isolated.   I see someone every week and she is quite helpful.  She is to be blessed.  She has given me advice on weight loss and also on the very issue that I wish I don't have.

I am not a candidate for a date, but one day I would like to be. I have no mode of transportation or to have a house of my own.  My income is low and I don't have a job.  I need help and an opening of opportunities and of making new friends.  I realize that I am shy and I have self esteem issues, but I don't have a nasty personality and my confidence is growing.  Going to a dating site is only the beginning.  Going to church could help but I haven't gone in a long time.  There are times when I don't know which church to go to.  Maybe I am being too judgmental.

Father, I give my life over to You.  Forgive me of all of my sins.  I am so glad that Jesus Christ has saved me.  I shall live by faith which saved me.  You have given me the grace and mercy I did not earn.  Thank You.  I have this one thing.  I have been having thoughts about a certain family member. He has said some pretty mean things to me and about me and I am hurt about them.  If I were to confront him about this then I wouldn't know what to say.  He may have forgotten about them but I have not.  I have decided to forgive him and move on.  I am afraid of a new set of confrontations as I never liked confrontation.  I am not sure how he truly feels about me; however I feel that as a person, he has changed.  Change both of our hearts and my minds.  Help us, Lord.  Give us guidance and the assurance that we are and his case, will be saved.

I have had thoughts about being bullied for a long while, off and on.  It didn't help that others were talking about me and to me.  I did nothing and I said nothing.  I have admitted that I was bullied and that I was a pushover.  I felt and sometimes still like I am weak.  I want to forgive myself but I don't know how.  I would like to move on with my life and grow stronger and wiser.  Show me how to deal with the thoughts that I have and to an extent, still have.  I also had these thoughts about being overweight or being fat.  These thoughts have sometimes have made me feel inadequate.  Change me and help me to forgive myself.  Help me to overcome my fears so that I will be able to forgive myself as I have truly forgiven others.  I just don't like the negative thoughts.

Thank You for allowing me to present my requests for You.  Help me to see that You do love me as I love You.  Thank You.

In Jesus' name,

Letters to God