Being totally honest

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am glad that I have been pouring my heart out for the past two days.  I am also glad that I don't have to hide anymore.  I finally had the courage to expose myself.  Things have been so bad yesterday that I even thought about hospitalization.  It seems as if I have no idea on how to remain uncertain and how to be less anxious.  I also need help not to take things so seriously.  Remind me that acceptance is another key to feeling better.  I guess I will never know why I have this disorder, but it doesn't matter.  I guess if I were to accept things, then I will really choose to not to be anxious.  I want to laugh and love again.  Being entertained is the least of my concerns right now.  I look forward to all of those days again.  I don't forward to any triggers mind you, but I do look forward to the day when I can accept this.  I want to just embrace it.  I want to say hi to it.  Maybe even no longer see it as a problem but something that I no longer see as a bully.  I don't just want to look forward to that day. I want today to be the day.

I thank You.


Sincerely,

Letters to God