Unfortunately, I gave in to my compulsions. I am not proud of doing so. I would like to overcome these obsessive thoughts and not give in. I realize the key to doing so is to recognize that I have a problem and to embrace that I have obsessive thoughts and perform compulsions on a regular basis. The thoughts do not really come and go. At least they have not lately. Today was a rough day. I am glad to have rested myself this afternoon. I wish I had done so earlier. I feel so much better. I am now refreshed and the obsessive thoughts are largely gone. This time, these thoughts are about fictional characters. I realize that they are fake, but the obsessions are or seem so real. It is as if they are the only things that are on my mind though I realize they are not. I have finally accepted that this will be a hard fought battle. I just sometimes don't feel like fighting. Right now, I feel better but when have things gotten worse. I am just tired of these obsessions and compulsions. Interestingly enough, I wonder if these thoughts are a way to draw closer to You and make me more dependent on You. I think about that ever so often. Is it that though? Is it about a spiritual attack? I have thought about it because it was so bad this morning that my sleep was disturbed. I could think of this show that I don't often watch but the theme of infidelity was apparent. It makes no sense why I have these specific thoughts. The truth is, it never will make sense, so I have given up trying to find the answers. Maybe if I could do that with my obsessions, then I realize that I will feel better, much much better. Remind me of this so that I will not only embrace and accept the OCD, but that I will stand up the OCD, meaning let me not give up. I rather pray for healing however. Help me, Lord.
In Jesus' name,