Reality sometimes s*(k

Dear God,

I would like to be more independent.  I tire of being discouraged.  Sometimes reality is great.  On the other hand, I wish I could escape reality and the reasons for the circumstances.  I know that there are others who are suffering from worse circumstances.  I am thinking a hungry child who is crying.  I pray for children and adults who are starving.  Lord, feed them not just with food, but with Your Word.  May I not forget those who are greater in need than I.  I often do forget that others are in need. They have no Jesus, no love, no family, no homes, or incomes.  Help me to see that while it is nice to have created a fantasy world, it doesn't change reality.  I just wish it did.  I could use a miracle right about now.


Sincerely,


Letters to God

Change me

Dear Jesus,

Forgive me.  Convict me of all of my sins.  I am sorry for what I have done wrong.  I am in need of You right now.  I feel like being real is not good.  I am down.  I have grown tired of walking on eggshells.  I tire of being stepped over and made to look bad afterwards.  I want to get over things, but I cannot.  I am a sensitive person, maybe too sensitive.  I am tired, Lord.  I know that there is more to life as it is.  Show me that there is.

In Your name, Jesus

Amen

Progress

Dear God,

Help me to realize that there is progress that there is progress I got to make myself.  I also realize that being considered less than compliant is not encouraging.  Last weekend was a wake-up call.  I feel that my diabetes symptoms have worsened.  This has worried me a bit.  I don't want the diabetes symptoms to worsen.  I want to get better but I realize there is some work that I have to do myself. I ask You for guidance so that I can apply what I have learned to my daily life.  Life is just too short to be sick or to worry.  Thank You for answering my prayer.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Progress not made

Dear Jesus,

Help me.  Most of my other blogs are really about complaints about things that I need, want, and desire to change.  This is true for this blog as well.  I ask You for guidance and a sense of direction. I know that I have to have a good mindset and all but I don't know what I am doing.  The advice is simple, but I have some things that are holding me back.  I am in need of help.  What is really holding me back?  I would like to break the weight loss cycle.  Over the past two months, little has changed. I am proving others right, but not that I can't do it, but I am frustrating them.  There is no pleasure in this because I have no set goals to eat healthy, nor do I have set goals to lose the weight.  I need help. God, help me.

In Your name, Jesus,

Amen

Something is wrong with me

Dear Heavenly Father,

I feel so alone and unworthy.  What is so wrong with me?  I am just tired of the daily "grind".  I hate my life.  Sometimes, I wonder if it is my fault if I am discouraged.  The truth is, that is what I am.  I need help.  I don't know what else to do or even to say.  I am sorry, Lord.  I feel like I made no progress in life.  I have gone in circles.  That is something that I would like to get out of.  Help me to think on those things that are eternal.  All I do is think on the temporal because I live in a fantasy world and I cannot get out of it.  I realize how crazy it is and how crazy I think I am.  I sometimes have difficulty distinguishing the fake and fantasy from the real world.  I need You.  I am in want of Your love.

I realize that nothing is too hard for You, but it seems too hard for me.  Help me to make life more manageable.  However, that is too limiting and too small.  Help me to do something that is hard and that is to be healed, forgiven, think on the eternal, and  make progress in every area of my life.  I am just cautious of making a mistake and I would like to change that.  I don't know what more needs to change.  The truth is, I don't know how to change and that is what I need to work on.  I am discouraged; I need encouragement and an increase in my faith.

I know something is wrong with me.  Lord, my point is that I could use a miracle.  I need a miracle.  I feel like I am lazy and lack wisdom.  That is something that I am being kind about.  I do have low self-esteem and I am self-conscious and I feel I cannot change those things.  However, I want to know that anything is possible.  It is about change.  I just don't know what to do anymore.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

To You, O God

God,

I cannot take it anymore.  Help me.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

My health journey

Lord,

Give me the strength and motivation to lose weight.  I have every reason to want to lose weight.  I am just concerned that I don't have the heart to lose weight.  I also want to lose weight with the right motives.  I am not happy with myself and I don't wish to gain any weight either.  I know of the pitfalls of gaining weight.  I also know the pitfalls of losing weight.  I thank You in advance for answering this prayer and for guiding me in my life's journey and for showing me what I need to do.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

I need help

Heavenly Father,

I have no motivation or desire to lose weight.  I feel like something is wrong with me.  I have been overwhelmed with this, that, and other.  Maybe that is the problem.  Take my burdens, Lord.  I ask that You would lighten my load for I am heavy laden.  I also ask that You would give me rest.  I feel like that I have made little to no progress period, not just my health.  My life is full of frustration. Am I what, or rather who, is holding me back?  I cannot pinpoint what is going on with me. I feel like I am missing the mark.  I at times feel alone and am in need of a support system.

 I am just overwhelmed, period.  I have anxiety and , weight and health issues, psychological and emotional issues, self-esteem issues, and I am self-conscious about my appearance.  I know that there are many others around the world who are more isolated than I am.  They are sick, dying, have no one to love them, have nothing to call their own, have no real direction in life, and other social ills.

They have bigger crosses to bear.  I feel so guilty and self-centered because I don't always think about those who have those crosses to bear.  The reason is I am so caught up and isolated and I would like some help too.  Not only do I ask for lightening of burdens and rest for our souls, but also wisdom and strength. Forgive us of our sins, Father.

I too am in need of You for I am weary and tire of the things of the world.  I would like to be motivated to lose weight, healed of my illnesses, and overcome my fears and anxieties.  Those are the things that I need and I ask that would provide those needs and also help me see things from Your perspective.  I am grateful for what I have.  Sometimes I don't always see things that way.  I would like Your forgiveness, cleansing, and answers.  I need help, too.  I am asking that You, Heavenly Father would help me as well.

In Jesus' name,


Thank You,

Amen

I would like to make progress

Lord,

I would like to make progress but I don't know how.  I am going at it alone and I have little support. However, the few support that I have reminds me in one way in another that I am either progressing little or not at all.  I am overwhelmed and tired of the same thing over and over.  I have a perfectionist complex where if I can't do it right then I give up easily.  Deep down, I may actually a self-saboteur with low self esteem.  I know that for sure that I am conscious of my appearance.  My health is a main concern of mine and I ask for clarity.  Give me clarity and peace of mind.  I so need them both. I have been overwhelmed.  I have many issues that I have to overcome.  Because of my age, I am concerned that my metabolism may slow down.  I am not sure if that is the case, but I care what others think to the point where I have so little knowledge of myself.  I felt like giving up and I believe that it is due to the low self esteem.  I just sometimes believe that I could do it because it is so hard.

Everything I see is so negative.  One minute I think it is easy then the next minute I feel unproductive.  I have little to no faith in myself.  I have faith, however, in You.  I need wisdom and guidance.  Help me to be more productive.  Show me how to apply what I have learned to my own situation.  I don't like the idea of being told the same thing over and over again, anywhere I go.  I love food, but that isn't the problem.  My issues are psychological and emotional.  I didn't realize that they would be emotional, but they are.  I do have psychological and emotional issues and I have not done as good a job of taking better care of my health as I should.  I don't know what to do.  I am frustrated. That is why I turn to You.  Help me get better.  Help me to progress.  Help me to make a mistake for I am human.  I don't like the idea of making a mistake or failure, but all of  us do.  None of us are immune.  I would like to have a fresh perspective on my health issues and how I live my life in general.  Lord, I need Your help.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Encouragement

Lord Jesus,

Thank You for giving me love, grace, and mercy.  I was discouraged today.  I am still having those issues, but they have since lessened.  For the past few days, I have been anxious and living in a fantasy world.  Open my eyes so that I may see why or what the roots of my problems are.  I have an idea, but what are they and when did they start?  I had difficulty planning and make plans.  I also had difficulty following those plans.  That is also a reason for discouragement.  What are the roots of my discouragement and my social problems?  Those are the things that concern me.  Thank You for answering my prayers.

In Your name,

Amen

Pouring my heart out to the Lord

Dear Heavenly Father,

I pour my heart out to You.  I am not afraid of other people per se, but I am afraid of what they may do to me.  I am not sure if it is the anxiety or if it is the low self-esteem.  However, it could be both.  I am not a strong, happy, wise person and I ask You for wisdom.  I feel like a failure at life without a sense of direction.  No matter how happy or joyful I try to be, it is overridden by the anxiety and fear.

I have cared so much what others think and have been so anxious when it comes to the real world. That is why I am in a fantasy world.  Am I really as shy as I think?  I even had obsessive thoughts about being bulled and not being strong enough to stand up for myself.  They are no longer bothersome or exist, but at the same time, I do have passing thoughts.  I live in a fantasy world for that reason.  Today I know of the pitfalls of living in a fantasy world.

The fantasy world has become a solace for the real world.  I was hoping that I would grow out of it.  I was hoping that I would learn to embrace life and reality in general like I have embraced my age. Maybe I am focusing on my age a bit too much.  I guess it is more of an issue than I would like for it to be.  My guess is also that I have a load of issues that I have failed to address.

What are the real root causes of my issues?  Why am I so fearful and so anxious?  Why do I need to live in a fantasy world at 40 years old?  The truth is, I would grow out of things like I did out of wrestling for the most part.  Sure I watch it every now and then and even contribute to wrestling threads on Facebook.  But I have grown out of watching it.  I would love nothing more than to grow out of my fantasy world and into reality.  That would be very nice.  But most of all, I would like to grown out of being fearful and anxious.  That would be even nicer.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Changing myself and my life

Dear Heavenly Father,

It is time for me to think about my eternal destination.  I am not sure where I stand.  My identity is unsure.  In other words, I don't know who I am in Jesus Christ.  I don't feel good about being stuck in my fantasy world.  That world shields me from whatever problems are in the real world.  It helps me to cope with anxiety.  I realize that deep down that others, including myself, may think that I am crazy.  I am a shy person in reality, so it is hard for me to express myself.  I am also bored.  That is why I would like to do more for myself.  As You can see, I am not sure about a lot of things.

I am also worried that maybe just maybe that I have nothing to show for it in reality.  Nothing has changed.  I don't know how to change.  I need Your help.  I would like to do more for myself and not fall asleep all day.  That is for animals, sick people, and older people.  I write this at the risk of being rude.  I am too young to not accomplish things and not have a social life.  I am too old to stay stuck in a daily rut.  I have gotten too used to this life. I have taken life for granted.  I need help.

I am at the computer writing this because sitting at the computer and listening to music provides solace for me.  I have proven others right.  I am lazy, without direction, and proper understanding of the world around me.  I don't go to school.  I don't work anywhere.  I have looked for jobs in the past.  My skills are lacking because it has been over a decade since I have done something.  I am not a happy person.  I am worried about myself and my soul.  What should I do now and where will I be headed if You were to come back today?  Right now, I have no idea.  I need guidance, but I feel like I am invisible and that You won't answer.  Will an answer be on its way?  I prayed about this and I feel like I will end up the way I am.  I will always be stuck.  I hate my life.  I just don't my life.  That is why I have a fantasy world and I am happy to live in it.  I don't wish to feel this way.

I am self-centered and isolated.  I just don't like some people, including myself.  I would like a true friend.  I would like a job.  I would like and wish a lot of things.  That doesn't mean that those things will come true.  I have prayed the same prayers over and over again.  I would like to change my situation, but I wouldn't know where to begin.  The problem is low self-esteem and no transportation. I don't know how to drive.  Because of this, I feel like I am far behind.  I have gotten complacent in being isolated and living in a fantasy world.

I hate my existence.  What is it like to like oneself?  I don't always feel that way.  What is it like to drive a car?  What is it like to go to church or somewhere else and get to meet people?  I sometimes feel that no one cares about me or my opinions.  I don't feel like a smart person because I have proven not to be a strong person.  I am not a strong person.  I am unhappy.  I have issues with being happy.  I am lonely.  I need You, Lord.  I have always wanted an answer.  I want You to hear me.  I understand that You have plans for me that are without limit and greater than what I wish.  I wish that You would guide me and make me wise.  Lord, I want to live in an existence where I can handle reality.  I can handle reality and not be anxious.  I have gotten used to this existence like it is right now.  That is nice.  That is all I would want.  Money would be nice for finances have been an issue.  I would like to just have the strength to move forward.  I would like to exercise effectively, eat a proper diet, have strength of mindset and character.  I would also like to have a life.

I am tired of the thoughts about how I am lazy.  I hate being fixated on being fat.  I would like to be praiseworthy and more thankful.  I seems like that this is too much to ask, but I keep hearing and reading that there is nothing that is too hard for You.  How is this possible?  I wish it were possible for me.  If I could make a change, I could change my world and change my self existence. That would be my dreamed for existence.  I would be a happier person.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Reality v Fantasy

Dear Heavenly Father,

Help me get back to reality.  I am not sure, but does a fantasy world part of the obsessive compulsive disorder.  I admit that I do get pleasure from living in a fantasy world where there are fewer anxieties. It is rather strange what my fantasy is and who it is about.  The person is sadly in the great beyond and hopefully in Heaven.  I will never get to know him or to meet him, which is sad.  Seeing his grave is quite sobering to say the least.  He died young and he seemed to have so much to offer.  The fantasies give me comfort from the modern world.  I wish I could live in reality, but reality was hard. Freedom was even harder.  I wish that I was free from the anxiety that comes with the OCD and from the fantasy world.  However, the fantasy shields me from all of the pain of the anxiety.  It tends to answer the questions that I have about life and people in general.  To my great shame, I have done nothing to follow You and for that, I am sorry.  I wish I could take those last two days back.  Being free left me anxious and unable to cope.  I wish I were able to cope, but I didn't have enough strength to do so.  I felt quite weak and still do.  How do I walk in the freedom that I once had?  How do I do that?  How do I overcome the OCD, anxiety, and the fantasy world that doesn't exist in the real world?  I need Your help and Your repentance and also Your guidance.

Sincerely,

Letters to God

I am so sorry

Lord,

I am so sorry.  You have cleared up my mind.  I more than anything want to be a committed as well as a converted Christian.  May I not forget to ask You the questions that I need to ask.  I feel like I have fallen back.  It is quite easy for that to happen.  Help me and give me strength to stand in the midst of trials and tribulations.  Give me understanding on what it means to count it all joy during the times.  I have slipped up a lot and I have made poor choices, but I would like to say that I am sorry for those choices I have made.  I ask for Your forgiveness of all of my sins.  Cleanse me from not my sins but also my secret faults.  Your word said to go and sin no more.  May I produce good fruit and may I sin no more.  I do desire holiness and righteousness.  Help me and guide me so that I will live and breathe in holiness and righteousness.  In fact, I realize that though You forgive, You are also long suffering. Remind me further to keep that in mind.  I know and realize that works justify my faith and that one Day You will judge us all, including myself.  Further remind me of this for I want nothing than to look forward to Your return and endure to the end.  Whatever I did or did not fail to do, I did those things not for myself but also for You.  Thank You for giving me the opportunity to present my request but for loving me and believing in me.  Thank You for saving me.


In Jesus' name,


Amen

Help me with the avoidance part of the OCD

Dear Heavenly Father,

I need help.  I need help with avoidance.  It has been hard to overcome avoidance, but not everything else.  I am working hard to overcoming my obsessive thoughts, images, and compulsions.  I ask that the images go away as well as the compulsions and obsessive thoughts.  Give me the strength and courage to overcome anxiety and all that goes along with having obsessive compulsive disorder.  I just wish I could break the cycle alone but I know I cannot.  I need help period.  I turn things over to You and I thank You for all that You are doing and have done to me.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Today's lesson

Dear Heavenly Father,

Today so far was a good day.  I realize that there is a lot that I had to learn about my health and about myself.  I believe that everyday is a miracle.  I guess the saying goes, I do learn something new everyday.  I have to learn to love, honor, cherish, and respect myself.  That is really what self-esteem mean.  It means to have respect for myself and to take care of myself.  I don't always think of myself as beautiful despite what Your word says.  I realize that with age comes wisdom and that little miracles do indeed happen everyday.  That is a lot to take in, but the truth is, the truth has always been something that I take in, whether or not it is painful.  Thank You that that is the lesson I have learned today.  I ask that You would remind me continually of those learned lessons.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

I trust You

Dear Heavenly Father,

My counselor is a Godsend.  She was and still is, right.  Today I have been eating what is available or in sight.  I ate an abundance of unhealthy fare and I have failed in consuming foods that are good for me.  You have been good to me and You answer prayer.  All I had to do was to trust You and I did. Thank You.  I trust that You will help me to apply those truths that I already know to me.  No one else can do it for me.  I have no excuses.  I have health issues and I don't always think of those health issues.  Remind me, O Lord, of those health issues daily.  Continue to strengthen my faith and give me wisdom, that I will change my mind and my heart towards You for trust and that I will receive and follow the guidance I so need to get healthy. I admit that I have no real goals in mind except to consume no more than approximately 1800 calories per day.  I have tried to be exact or rather rigid, but I don't wish to be rigid or perfectionist.  Change me and my way of thinking.  Guide me into all truth and allow those truths that I know to sink in.  I thank You in advance for answering this prayer.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Being glad and grateful

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for giving me the peace of mind that I so needed.  I thank You that nothing is hard with You.  Help me to do what is hard and for that, I am thankful.  It is always good to have a heart of gladness and gratefulness.  I realize that today.  Help me to see that gladness and gratefulness matter.
Thank You,

Sincerely,


Letters to God

I want to move on from the obsessions and compulsions

Dear God,

I have grown tired.  I realize that I have to do what is hard which is confront my fears and be anxious. I know it contradicts not being anxious for nothing but strangely enough I feel better.  I realize that I am apprehensive about new thoughts coming along.  I am scared.  Help me face that fear as well. With Your help, I know now that I will be okay.  Checking and asking for reassurance has been, and still is, a waste of time and energy.  I am not sure if my dreams help or harm, especially based on fictional stories but I guess making up my own stories have been somewhat helpful.  I don't wish to have these thoughts and be tempted by them.  However, I realize that temptation is a part of the Christian life.  Give me the strength that I so need to overcome temptation.

Help me to use common sense to overcome the temptation that I will go through to perform the compulsions and checking based on what I read.  For instance, if a woman does cheat, common sense would tell me that she did wrong because infidelity is a cowardly, selfish act.  They don't deserve abuse, or death for their deeds.  Yet the truth is, I will never know why people cheat and I have grown tired of the compulsions and the obsessive thoughts.  I would like to get better and overcome these thoughts.  I need the wisdom, strength, and guidance to do those things and I ask for a generous amount of all things.  Sometimes it involves waking up, dreams, and being anxious and uncertain.  I also have to deal with uncertainty. For instance, I will never know why I have these thoughts.  Maybe it is for the best.  I guess it doesn't matter that I will never know.  Lord, I ask You for Your wisdom in my life.  I leave everything in Your hands, and I thank You that You are greater than my obsessive thoughts and compulsions.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Change me

 Dear Jesus,

Thank You for changing me.  You have made me a creation in Christ.  I really appreciate it.

In Your name, Jesus

Amen

Thank You for everything

Dear Lord,

Thank You for the miracles in my life.  Thank You that I am no longer off course.  Life has become bearable once again.  I cast all of my cares and anxieties to You.  I thank You that You care for and love me.  I needed You and You were there.  Thank You for giving me peace of mind because You know of my anxiety.  I couldn't bear it any longer.  Having obsessive thoughts and checking and compulsions have not been easy.  Thank You for setting me free from that.  I realize that fiction is not real, but You are.  Thank You for answering my prayers.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Thrown off course

Dear God,

Help me not to eat unhealthy and not in moderation,.  My diet has gotten poor again and I have been thrown off course due to the fact that I have been manic and also down about the obsessive compulsive disorder.  I know I still look forward to Your return but I feel a disconnect from You.  It has been tough these past few weeks.  My faith has not been strong.  However, I would like a closer walk with You.  Give me the wisdom to know the difference between having little faith and having no faith.  Give me a sense of identity since there have been times where I don't know who I am.  Help me, Lord.  Help me to draw closer to You.


Sincerely,


Letters to God

Energized yet still in wonderment

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You.  I am feeling so much better and more energized.  Turning 40 has done me a world of good.  I am just wondering if I should just agree with the thoughts and let it go.  Is that how I embrace those thoughts?  Show me how to apply what I have learned, read, and struggled through to my daily life, whether it is my weight or my thoughts.  I need Your wisdom and guidance on how to do things that will be and are, of beneficial to me.  I pray this in Jesus' name.

Amen