Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Continued peace and confession

Heavenly Father,

Right now, I have been feeling better about my confessions.  As a matter of fact, I believe that confession is a great thing.  I don't know why, but confession takes the fears away.  My entertainment choices lack the importance that they once had.  It has since been that way for a while now and for that, I am ever thankful.  Your word DID say be anxious for nothing.  It can be hard to do when one is as anxious as I am.  However, a few words of honesty and confession have given me peace.  I longed for that peace of mind.  I realized that I needed to be mindful of the realities of the world and to try to be at peace with everyone.  However, I also need to be at peace with myself as well.  I ask that You would continue to give me the peace of mind that I have and so need.  I realize that this too shall pass.  I thank You for answered prayer.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Monday, March 30, 2015

Anxiety Testimony

Lord,

Help me.  I need Your help and Your continued understanding of what I have been going through. Sometimes the anxiety and even the mood swings have become too much to bear.  It can get rough or it can get better.  I don't know why, but distractions tend to calm my mind.  Once my mind is calm, I guess I am calm

I tend to get anxious about my entertainment choices and it doesn't make any sense. My topic of anxiety makes no sense. It seems like OCD or anything else makes any sense. I am not in a relationship. No one has ever cheated on me. I have never been divorced. I have no kids or paternity issue. I have never been cheated on. It no longer matters why I have the disorder, but I have a hard time embracing everything else. It is quite a struggle. I wonder if I will ever be cured or this. I told God how I have felt.

Right now, I am feeling better. There are times when I feel that I get better only to get worse. How do I count this issue count it all joy when there are worse things out there? Sometimes i feel guilty about having OCD and also it is as if the world is on my shoulders. My bone of contention is watching a certain tv show where one of the female characters commit infidelity with her husband's best friend. The husband knows about it. I wonder if I should continue watching what little I have watched or should I avoid it. I hate avoidance knowing that it would make the OCD worse or at least continue. I even wonder if there is such thing as a healthy avoidance or at least caution. I wish I knew all the answers. Maybe I would feel better.

I too have prayed, read, fasted for a number of reasons, cried out, and done all that I can to have this depression and anxiety taken off of me. I do attend therapy sessions and I also take medication. It helps with the bipolar but sometimes with the anxiety as well. Maybe I need to fast more, and for longer periods of time. However, I realize that I can't always depend on medication. I don't drink alcohol or smoke, but I wonder what can I drink or eat that can worsen the anxiety or depression.

Thank You for giving me the opportunity to present this request.  Thank You for answering my prayer.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Thanks and praise

Lord,

I thank You.  Thank You for Your love for me.  Thank You for Your kindness and mercy.  Thank You for the grace that has been extended to me.  Thank You for saving me.  All praises to You.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Friday, March 27, 2015

Being totally honest

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am glad that I have been pouring my heart out for the past two days.  I am also glad that I don't have to hide anymore.  I finally had the courage to expose myself.  Things have been so bad yesterday that I even thought about hospitalization.  It seems as if I have no idea on how to remain uncertain and how to be less anxious.  I also need help not to take things so seriously.  Remind me that acceptance is another key to feeling better.  I guess I will never know why I have this disorder, but it doesn't matter.  I guess if I were to accept things, then I will really choose to not to be anxious.  I want to laugh and love again.  Being entertained is the least of my concerns right now.  I look forward to all of those days again.  I don't forward to any triggers mind you, but I do look forward to the day when I can accept this.  I want to just embrace it.  I want to say hi to it.  Maybe even no longer see it as a problem but something that I no longer see as a bully.  I don't just want to look forward to that day. I want today to be the day.

I thank You.


Sincerely,

Letters to God

Thursday, March 26, 2015

An honest look about having OCD today

Lord,

I thank You that I have a mother who understands what I am going through.  I feel like I have a weight lifted off of me.  I wasn't exactly sure how she would react.  There are things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things that do matter to me.  Well at least the obsessions and compulsions. I made a mistake trying to "expose" myself to the anxiety.  Big mistake.  It made me even more anxious, I believe.  It is best to not allow myself to be exposed.  Finally I had a talk with You and needless to say, I have finally been honest with You.  I explained what is really going on.  I feel like I have carried the world on my shoulders and I wonder if I still feel that way.  I was embarrassed and I felt guilty about having this disorder.

I have love and support despite all of that and I know that there are others who are suffering.  Being isolated and alone does not help my condition.  The truth is, I have grown tired of having the condition and everything that came with it.  Also, I tire of having these thoughts.  I wonder still if this is a spiritual attack.  I recall that I commanded the enemy and as a result, all of the cares and burdens were lifted up.  I thank You for this was an answer to my prayer.

However, I feel like I have regressed.  I messed up.  It all started with a crush I have and still have a little bit on the actor who sadly passed away.  His death is such a sobering reminder of life being so short.  I still wonder about his eternal destiny but I first and foremost I think of my eternal destiny. I felt like the obsessive thoughts and the anxiety that came with them has made me tired.  Maybe if I were to let go of this, that, and others, and remain uncertain then all will be well.  However, I am have lost the ability to control this thing.  I feel bad because I have regressed.  It was as I wasted Your blessing.  How could I do that?  I cannot believe I gave in.  I cannot believe that "exposing" myself was a good idea.  I thought it was a way to conquer my fears about what I am most afraid of. It only made the anxiety worse, hence, the sleep disturbances.

Right now, I am doing much better. I feel whole again.  Right now as I am typing, I still have images. I guess that this too shall pass. I hope so.  I ask for healing and wholeness.  I also ask for forgiveness of any bitterness and resentment left in me.  I simply cannot take another day of these obsessive thoughts, images, and compulsions. I tire of these things.  I am not interested in having fun and putting entertainment as a priority.  What I am interested in is being made whole and concentrating and making You my top Priority.  I thank You that You have answered my prayers.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Fighting this problem that is mine

Lord,

Unfortunately, I gave in to my compulsions. I am not proud of doing so.  I would like to overcome these obsessive thoughts and not give in.  I realize the key to doing so is to recognize that I have a problem and to embrace that I have obsessive  thoughts and perform compulsions on a regular basis. The thoughts do not really come and go.  At least they have not lately.  Today was a rough day. I am glad to have rested myself this afternoon.  I wish I had done so earlier.  I feel so much better.  I am now refreshed and the obsessive thoughts are largely gone.  This time, these thoughts are about fictional characters.  I realize that they are fake, but the obsessions are or seem so real.  It is as if they are the only things that are on my mind though I realize they are not.  I have finally accepted that this will be a hard fought battle.  I just sometimes don't feel like fighting.  Right now, I feel better but when have things gotten worse.  I am just tired of these obsessions and compulsions.  Interestingly enough, I wonder if these thoughts are a way to draw closer to You and make me more dependent on You.  I think about that ever so often. Is it that though?  Is it about a spiritual attack?  I have thought about it because it was so bad this morning that my sleep was disturbed.  I could think of this show that I don't often watch but the theme of infidelity was apparent.  It makes no sense why I have these specific thoughts.  The truth is, it never will make sense, so I have given up trying to find the answers.  Maybe if I could do that with my obsessions, then I realize that I will feel better, much much better.  Remind me of this so that I will not only embrace and accept the OCD, but that I will stand up the OCD, meaning let me not give up.  I rather pray for healing however.  Help me, Lord.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

"Dilemma"

Heavenly Father,

There is no dilemma.  I realize that it is the obsessive thoughts talking.  I feel like giving in to the compulsions is quite addictive.  I am not so sure if can quit cold turkey.  I feel so alone, though I know that I am not alone.  Lord Jesus Christ, forgive me for my sins.  Work a miracle in my life. I would like more than anything to overcome these obsessive thoughts about what I obsess over and compulsions.  The compulsions are about find and doing the "research" that I so seek. I know the thoughts make no sense and they are not a reflection of me.  I feel so guilty about the things that I have done wrong.  Next time I will ask You if there are things that are pleasing to You or if there are things that are sinful and wrong.  I don't wish to disrespect You in any way, shape, or form.  I ask that You would fill me with Your Holy Spirit.  Watch over and take care of me, Lord.  Help me to live and think righteously.  I know that things don't make no sense, because the so-called dilemmas have nothing to do with reality, but with fiction.  I won't rationalize it nor do I need to explain things away nor do I to do any such research.  They will only make things worse.  Should I fight them or let the anxiety pass?  The truth is, they seem to make things worse.  Entertainment seems to make things worse as far as things go.  It seems so silly because in the grand scheme of things, it is.  I don't wish to explain anything because even that will be counterproductive. I feel so abnormal because I make the thoughts look like such a big deal.  I know that things should not matter but mind says that they do.  Heal me of this hardship.  Heal me of these thoughts.  Set a watch over my mouth.  Heal and anoint me and including my hands that I would not give in to those compulsions.  Your word says to be anxious for nothing but right now I feel like my hands are feeling the anxiety.  Maybe it is a sign to let the thoughts and the anxiety pass.  That is my desire: to overcome the anxious thoughts, to see things as they really are, and to make sure that I don't give in to things that are not real.  What I see on television or in the movies do not affect me personally nor should they.  It is only a TV show. TV shows end all of the time.  My relationship with You does not, nor will it.  Give me the wisdom and guidance to live for You and to serve You all the days of my life.  I will dwell in Your House, Forever.

In Your name, Jesus,


Amen

Monday, March 23, 2015

Obsessive Compulsive "Perfection" Disorder

Dear Heavenly Father,

May I not waste my time with the little things that produce nothing but even hard ache and pain.  I made a mistake and that is to give in to compulsions.  I commanded the devil to leave me and all was well.  I have to do so again.  The devil is a liar seeking whom he may devour.  My pain has been lifted off of me and for that, I am ever grateful.  I am sorry in that I may have gone back.  I don't wish to regress.  I have a perfectionist issue that I need to work on.  I know that living can be hard sometimes but I have to remind myself of many things.  Even though I tend to overwhelm easily, You are always there.  I am not alone, though there seem to be times when I feel this way.  My desire is to like a repentant, obedient life where I can and will endure until the end.  You have given me so much hope today.  I have to confess that going to fall asleep was a big mistake.  I feel like I have regressed to the point of disappointed.  I would like to stop doing research reassurance.  It is only temporary.  I will never get those minutes or hours that I have done so.  Give me the strength that and the guidance that I need to overcome these compulsions.  They are much harder than the obsessions to overcome.  I don't know what to do in this situation.  I tried to let the thoughts pass but feeling and letting myself being anxious seems to be counterproductive when lining up with Your Word.  It says to be anxious for nothing, so how do I reconcile that with scripture?  I guess I need to read and study and pray more.  I also need help in how to deal with thoughts about what I had thoughts about.  I had to distract myself from these thoughts but I don't just want to distract myself from those thoughts. I would like to overcome them.  I pray for healing; I know that by Jesus' stripes I am already healed. I don't believe in name it and claim it, but how do I believe that I am already healed?  I know that Jesus heals but sometimes I feel like I have to say the right words in order to heal not just me, but others as well.  Sometimes I just don't know what to say.  It doesn't help that I have not make You my Top Priority.  Show me and teach me Your ways, Lord.  I am in definite need of You right now.  Thank You for answering this prayer.  I say this in faith.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Sunday, March 22, 2015

How and what I am feeling today

Lord,

I thank You that things have improved for me.  Your Word gives me great comfort.  Talking to You also gives me great comfort.  There is still some ways to go, but as of right now, I am feeling better. I am sorry if I have allowed television to become a form of idolatry.  I have obsessive thoughts about television and that I admit has me worried.  I am concerned that my thoughts will worsen.  I cannot take what will happen Tuesday.  Maybe I need to relax.  I don't mean to be so disrespectful.  I need help and I know I need help.  Obsessive thoughts have become a burden to me.  I ask that You would lift my burdens, lighten the load, so to speak.  My desire is to never have those thoughts come back. I don't want to just manage my thoughts.  My desire is to be healed like I have forgotten that I have these thoughts.  Everything seems to be a dilemma.  Help me to prioritize my life.  I could use some help.  As a matter of fact, forgive me for not making You my first Priority.  I am sorry for not doing that and I am sorry because I am in such need.  Lord, give me wisdom.  May I not allow myself to reason things out and not to try to fight them.  I am still bothered by these thoughts so neither have been of help.  Also, may I not allow myself to get caught up in the things of the world. Help me to see that things will be alright and that this too shall pass.  I have come to realize that there are things that don't have to be a so-called dilemma.  I believe that all of this is a symptom of a much larger issue.  I ask You for help and healing.


Sincerely,


Letters to God

Saturday, March 21, 2015

I'm feeling down

Lord,

What is wrong with me?  I know.  I give up.  At least I feel like giving up.  There are things that are not of high priority that should be of high priority.  Right now I am confused.  I feel like I have spent my time regressing instead of progressing.  I feel bummed about this.  I feel like I am lazy and motivated.  Am I really lazy and unmotivated or do I just not care anymore?  The truth is.  I really don't and it is depressing.  I am depressing.  My life is depressing.  I am just not happy.  Something is really wrong with me.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Friday, March 20, 2015

I need help

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am in need of help and health.  I am in need of healing.  My hip hurts, my sleep is disturbed, and other parts of my body hurt.  I am afraid to exercise.  I am afraid of continuing to be overwhelmed. I have been overwhelmed and I do so easily.  I thought I was progressing and doing well, but I am not. Help me to get back on track.  Maybe I am putting way too much pressure on myself.  I need to take it easy, but I am concerned that I may end up lazy.  I am also concerned that maybe I am lazy already. I do eat mindlessly and I sleep a lot.  I feel like life is just boring.  I sound selfish but that is how I feel right now. I have spent today and many days wasting time.  I realize now that the only reason I feel this way is because my feelings got hurt.  Maybe I do need to change.  Maybe things need to change.  I realize however I do need help with these hurt feelings.  I hate it when things go wrong for me.  However, there is hope for me, and I am hopeful.  I am in need myself.  Lord, heal, forgive, and continue to love me.  Now I know that this sounds selfish but I have nowhere else to turn.  I have tried other avenues but I want to try You.  I am sorry if I come across as selfish and ungrateful. I realize and feel like something is wrong with me.  I know what it is.  There is something that is in my way.  I would like to have that roadblock removed, but I don't know what to say or what to do. Give me the patience I need.  I also ask for You to help me with my mindless eating.  Help me get back on track.  Help me, Lord, to get myself together.  Help me to take charge of my life.  Right now I feel like I am losing control.  I feel guilty because of the things I have done today.  They were a waste of precious time.  I need help controlling my eating and managing my time wisely.  I have failed to do that because I feel like a failure.  I just don't know how to overcome that.  Teach me and show me how to work on that.  I ask You to strengthen me and increase my faith.  Give me the wisdom that I so need so that I would gain an understanding of what You want me to do.  Guide me with Your Eye. I need guidance so that I can be able to take charge of my health and all of the things I feel guilty about. Remind me of why I started all this in the first place and so that I can take the proper action as You show me how.  I thank You for answering my prayer. I praise You because You answer prayers. I thank You, Lord.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Taking control of me

Dear Heavenly Father,

I have in fact finally made conscious choices.  I have done much, in my opinion as of late.  I am happy to have made the conscious choices that I have made.  I realize that I have to calm my mind down.  I have to pay attention to what I am doing.  That way, I won't have to eat mindlessly.  Teach me to do Your will.  Show me how to put You first in this regard.  I am still working on those thoughts, but I ask that You would help me to embrace the fact that I need to do better for myself. I need to take better care of myself.  Life is too short not too.  I don't know why really, but I allow myself to get myself to go back instead of move forward.  I have come to realize that it is up to me and me alone to not only take care of me but to also put You first.  I have finally come to realize that I need to take charge over things that I tend to find difficult.  Help me to do what is hard.  In this case, it is exercise.  Lord, where do I begin?  I ask for guidance in this situation.  I am worried that I won't be able to use the equipment that I have and the equipment that I would like to buy.  Specifically, how do and where do I begin?  Help me to begin, Lord.  Help me.  I thank You that my prayers have been answered.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Conscious choices to be made

Lord,

Thank You for answering my prayers.  I needed to know what to do and where I should go.  I have focused too much on my age instead of what I can do now.  I felt like that as a woman I have allowed life to pass me by.  That is how I have felt for so long.  It was as if I was comparing myself to others who were my age.  I embrace my age and I embrace the fact that I have OCD.  I have chosen to embrace all things that pertain to having OCD.  Most of all, I also choose to not be anxious.  It was time to calm my mind down and not to always take the safe route.  That I think is what avoidance is all about.  I believe I have made a few strides, but I hope to make more.  Thank You for hearing me.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Monday, March 16, 2015

First Priority

Dear Heavenly Father,

I have always believed that life is about choices.  I have made the choice not to be anxious yesterday. Today I have chosen to prioritize my life, with You as my first Priority.  I am sorry for not always putting You as my first Priority.  You are my Savior and Lord.  I have received You as Savior and Lord and I am to live accordingly.  I am also here to write that I need to also make You my top Priority as far as my health goes.  Help me to see that it does not have to be so complicated.  Also, help me to see the progress that I have made in the past and the progress that I will make in the future.  My goal is that my weight will continue to go down.  Guide me with Your Eye.  I ask for guidance because I overwhelm easily.  It seems that I have been through much.  Give me the wisdom that I so need to know how to eat properly and to exercise.  I have made a promise that I will do this for a year.  So far, so good.  May I not give up.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Sunday, March 15, 2015

A new view of things

Lord,

I thank You for saving me.  I also thank You for granting me clemency so to speak.  I realize that from reading Your word, I have a long way to go into being perfected.  I hope to be made perfect in love because I am a repentant, obedient believer in Christ.  I have to admit that I have spent a lot of time doing other things.  I have been negative about my home life and I have been ungrateful at times.  I read many of not most of my posts and they always talk about the same issues such as obsessive thoughts, my weight, and how I live my life.  I guess I do have a boring life.  I found myself wanting to escape my boring life.  However, I choose to be grateful and living in kindness, graciousness, and choices to not be anxious but to embrace the life that I have.  I am here to write that I am grateful and not doubtful.  There must be a reason why I am here.  I would like for things to change, but it has something to do with making choices and wise ones at that.  It also has to do with overcoming those sins and anxieties that I have.  I have come to realize that there are things that have bothered me for a long time that should have never bothered me.  I choose not to be anxious. On the other hand, being tempted can make it difficult.  I would like to know how to deal with the temptations, trials, and tribulations of this life.  I also ask that You would forgive me, for I repent of my sins.  I ask to be cleansed from unrighteousness.  If there is anything that is keeping You from being forgiven or any answer such as adherence to false teaching, then I will remove it and remove myself from it.  Thank You for answering my prayer.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Television watching

Lord,

Television I believe has become obsessive.  I have had thoughts about what to watch and in my view, it is not healthy.  I do wonder if television and what I watch has become a form of idolatry.  I at times turn the television off because it is the safe thing to do, not because I believe it is the right thing to do. I have not allowed You into and put You first.  What would Jesus watch and how would he handle this situation?  Help me to abstain from all appearance of evil and I think that there is an abundance of evil in television.  There are things I would avoid because of its content.  There are others I would avoid because of the avoidance associated with OCD.  I have difficulty with avoidance.  I watch safe shows and listen to safe music.  I like to watch safe movies.  I don't like themes of female infidelity or even racism at times.  There are times when I am drawn to them, not because I like these tv shows, but as a way to overcome fear.  I don't watch because of the anxiety is produces.  I am fearful of what would trigger a new set of thoughts.  I don't wish to disobey You when it comes to tv watching or anything.  Could it be a way that is not pleasing to You?  Help me when it comes to putting You first in all things, even something as obsessive and mundane as television watching.  Show me what I need to do in all things and show me who or what I need to focus on.  I do like to watch religious programming but all of them are not truthful.  I like to watch some sports but it is safe.  I like to watch dramas and a few talk shows, but they are only safe for me to watch.  I don't want to be safe.  I want to be strong in my faith and I want to overcome my obsession or rather "idolatry" when it comes to television.  I wonder if I have made television my God instead of You.  If I have done so, then I am truly sorry.  I wish I had the courage to overcome this obsession.  Help me to turn this tv off.  Give me wisdom in all things.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Friday, March 13, 2015

I have issues

Dear Heavenly Father,

I thank You that my thoughts are waning.  I am doing so much better because I am learning to follow the weight loss plan that I am a part of.  I am here to say that I need to eat healthier and exercise. All I need to do is to get out there and exercise.  Working out is good for my psyche as well as my body. I am here to write that maybe most of weight loss is about food, but I need to learn about myself when it comes to getting physically fit.

I have another issue.  Avoidance I realize now is not good for OCD.  I have to expose myself to the issues in mind.  I am scared of the issues that confront me such as infidelity.  As You know, I have my fears.  I wish that I could abstain from all appearance of evil when it comes to television and movies.  I spend hours and hours watching and entertaining myself.  I am even scared that being Christian is a good way of avoiding ways to entertaining myself.  It isn't bad during the day but I tend to worry about TV and movie programming at night as long as the programming is safe for me to watch.  Music doesn't really bother me because of my choices.  Maybe that is what I need to focus on.

I realize that I need to focus on prayer, study, reading, and holiness.  I don't always focus on those things and I am truly sorry.  I am a Christian who hasn't always lived or behaved as a Christian.  I tend to fall short on a lot of things and now I wonder how much.  I could use Your wisdom and Your council, for You will provide wise counsel.  I do isolate myself a lot and maybe it is time for me to go out there and not be so isolated.   I see someone every week and she is quite helpful.  She is to be blessed.  She has given me advice on weight loss and also on the very issue that I wish I don't have.

I am not a candidate for a date, but one day I would like to be. I have no mode of transportation or to have a house of my own.  My income is low and I don't have a job.  I need help and an opening of opportunities and of making new friends.  I realize that I am shy and I have self esteem issues, but I don't have a nasty personality and my confidence is growing.  Going to a dating site is only the beginning.  Going to church could help but I haven't gone in a long time.  There are times when I don't know which church to go to.  Maybe I am being too judgmental.

Father, I give my life over to You.  Forgive me of all of my sins.  I am so glad that Jesus Christ has saved me.  I shall live by faith which saved me.  You have given me the grace and mercy I did not earn.  Thank You.  I have this one thing.  I have been having thoughts about a certain family member. He has said some pretty mean things to me and about me and I am hurt about them.  If I were to confront him about this then I wouldn't know what to say.  He may have forgotten about them but I have not.  I have decided to forgive him and move on.  I am afraid of a new set of confrontations as I never liked confrontation.  I am not sure how he truly feels about me; however I feel that as a person, he has changed.  Change both of our hearts and my minds.  Help us, Lord.  Give us guidance and the assurance that we are and his case, will be saved.

I have had thoughts about being bullied for a long while, off and on.  It didn't help that others were talking about me and to me.  I did nothing and I said nothing.  I have admitted that I was bullied and that I was a pushover.  I felt and sometimes still like I am weak.  I want to forgive myself but I don't know how.  I would like to move on with my life and grow stronger and wiser.  Show me how to deal with the thoughts that I have and to an extent, still have.  I also had these thoughts about being overweight or being fat.  These thoughts have sometimes have made me feel inadequate.  Change me and help me to forgive myself.  Help me to overcome my fears so that I will be able to forgive myself as I have truly forgiven others.  I just don't like the negative thoughts.

Thank You for allowing me to present my requests for You.  Help me to see that You do love me as I love You.  Thank You.

In Jesus' name,


Letters to God

Thursday, March 12, 2015

I need help

Heavenly Father,

I ask that You would help me to be more motivated than I am.  I have done a better job today than I have yesterday.  I would like for my weight to come down.  To me, a plateau would be frustrating but at least I would be losing weight.  It is a sign that I am doing something right.  I ask You for Your wisdom and Your guidance.  I had pain over my feet and my back.  I realize that I am here because I want and need to lose weight.  I am concerned about my health and I am afraid that will be suffering from the ill effects of going up and down in weight and not taking care of myself.  I don't want that.
That is scary.  Help me, Lord.

In Jesus' Name,


Amen

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Overeating

Dear Heavenly Father,

Help me.  I still would like to change things but I have no idea how.  Give me the patience I so need to make it through this day.  I actually look forward to later this night.  Right now, I am tired and I have been all day long.  I need Your wisdom and I ask You for guidance.  I need guidance so that I will live holy for You.

I also ask for help when it comes to my eating habits.  Lately I feel like giving up, but that is what I won't do.  I won't give up.  I will stay.  Help me to overcome this binge overeating.  It has not been a good thing for me.  I am not in the best of health.  I woke up with arm and back pain this morning. I am doing better now, but I don't wish to be in this pain.

Waiting on dogs to do what they have to do seems like a total workout.  I know that I need to exercise and eat healthy, but I have stopped exercising like I should and I am overeating like crazy.  I ask You for help and guidance in this area.  I do feel like giving up, but as I mentioned, I want to stay.  I have healthy food but why am I triggered by unhealthy foods and sweet foods.  Maybe I have triggers in my kitchen and that is why I have no idea how to eat healthy.

I need help and I don't know what to do.  I lack self-control and I know that I need and want to change.  I am only at the beginning.  I admit that I have a problem, but I don't know what to do about it.  I am proving my nutritionist right.  Maybe I am not making progress.  That is one of the reasons why my weight goes up and down.  I'd rather my weight go down.  I know that I need help.  I tried harder than I ever tried, but this is a problem.

I am afraid to climb the stairs for fear that I would fall.  I am also concerned that I might have bone problems.  I know that my weight is the issue.  I hope to never take things for granted ever again.  I realize that is what I need to realize.  I don't wish to gain any more weight.  I don't want to just learn but I wanna do.  I feel like a person who is lazy and lack motivation, but I am not sure if it is true however.

I ask that You would show me what to do.  Forgive me for my lack of self-control and my gluttony. Forgive me for all of my sins.  I don't desire to gain any weight.  There are so many benefits to losing weight that I would like to have those benefits.  I know that I promised You that I don't want to weigh that specific number, but if I were to continue, then that is what is going to happen.  I think I am hungry but now my belly is full.  Right now, I am regretting my decisions to overeat and I need Your help.  Help me to control my hunger and my eating habits.  Right now I am just lucky.  I don't want to just be lucky.  I want to live and be able to breathe and do the things that I am able to do.  I have not tried hard enough I guess, but I have tried.

I don't wish to try.  I want to do it.  Right now, I am not feeling good about myself but I don't want to remain feeling bad about things and feeling bad about my weight gain.  Empower me to do what I need to do and to not always be down whenever I eat too much.  Today happens to be the day when I know that I can make a change.  I am hopeful.  Help me, Lord, to make that change.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

My health so far

Dear Heavenly Father,

My blood sugar is normal yet it wasn't before.  I wonder if it would keep me from eating healthy food.  I am a bit tired from the blood sugar lows.  I wonder how to overcome that.  Help me to overcome these issues.  I am diabetic and I wish to improve my physical health.  I couldn't walk well because they hurt.  My desire is to continue losing weight but I finally realize how hard it will be but not terribly hard.  Give me the wisdom and guidance that I need so that I will take better care of myself.  I ask this in Jesus' name,

Amen

Monday, March 9, 2015

Living for the Lord

Dear Heavenly Father,

I was reading verses from Your word.  I realize that I have not been holy.  I have a long way to go. Thank You for Your wisdom and guidance.  Your word says to be courageous and not be afraid. I ask You for wisdom that I may understand what Your will is for my life.  I also ask for guidance for I am in need.  I didn't realize that holiness is something that I lack.  Help me and guidance so that will be holy and that I would demonstrate holiness in all I do.  Your word says for me to be holy, for You are holy.  Jesus Christ saved me, so I am to do Your will.  I will be judged one day and I ask that You would help me be a good steward who shows love to You and to my fellow man or woman.  I lack the understanding that I need to live righteously.  I also ask that You would order my steps and may I no longer worry or be anxious.  Give me the peace of mind that I so need.  Also may I demonstrate the peace that surpasses all understand.  Give me the wisdom that I would also delight in You.  Thank You for answering this and all of my prayers.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Sunday, March 8, 2015

I am doing so much better and I am so hopeful.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I would like to be an obedient Christian who is a light to the world.  I realize that I haven't done my part.  Forgive me, Father for this sin.  I want to thank You that Jesus Christ saved me.  It was a scary time beforehand.  You have answered my prayers.  Scrupulosity is no joke.  I was incredibly anxious. I have done something horrible and I wish that I could make restitution.  I was reminded of it during the week, but I know that I have been forgiven.  I am doing so much better today than I was yesterday.  Thank You.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Salvation

Lord Jesus,

I thank You for saving me.  I am saved through grace.  I will walk the narrow road.  It is sad that few people will be ready.  It seems to me that very few people will be raptured.  The righteous will even have to be judged and narrowly escape.  I realize that life is too short.  Should I be water baptized? I want to walk the narrow road.  The narrow road is something only a few would find.  My prayer is that others will find and walk the narrow road. Thank You for saving me and forgiving me for all of my sins.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Friday, March 6, 2015

Lack of assurance

Dear Heavenly Father,

Do I have the right to call You Heavenly Father?  Am I one of Yours?  Am I a joint-heir with Jesus? Am I saved?  I think that these are questions that I have because I need help.  I am not assured that I am saved.  I don't know if I am saved or lost.  I don't have much faith and that is why I have doubts.  I need help with this.  I don't know what to say or what to do.  Is it the OCD?  Is it the enemy? Are You trying to tell me something?  I have had these concerns and these thoughts for a while now and I wonder if I need to ask Jesus to save me.  I am in need of help.  How can fight the good fight of faith when I don't even know I am saved or lost?  I am not sure if I am of the faith.  I need help.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Thursday, March 5, 2015

I need You

Lord Jesus,

I ask that You will save me.  I also ask for healing and forgiveness of my sins.  I was depressed and not okay.  I have done something that I should not have done.  I will be in trouble if the person or people knew about it.  I don't know what to do.  I ask You for wisdom and guidance.  I am sorry for what I have done.  I may have to make restitution for what I have done.  It is hard for me to tell the truth for fear of judgement.  I don't wish to lie about anything at all.  I have lied too much already.  I am not proud of what I have done and I want to make things right, but I don't know how.  I need Your help and I need to know what to do.  Please help me, Lord.  I thank You in advance for answering my prayer.

In Your name, Jesus,

Amen

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Worry and help

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am worried.  I am worried about going to Hell.  I did something that I am not proud of.  I am not the most honest person in the world.  I need Your help and I ask for Your forgiveness.  I am sorry for the wrongs I have committed.  I need Your help right now.  I need immediate assistance.  This guilt and this sin is making me anxious.  I wish to make things right.  I wish to make restitution.  I need to move forward and do better for myself.  I know there are things that I need to do and there are things that are holding me back.  Give me the courage to be honest and tell You the truth and tell others the truth.  I realize that the consequences will be great if I wish to do this.  But I know the consequences will be even greater if I don't.  I need help and I need Your help now.  I am not sure what I need to do but with Your help and Your provision and Your guidance, I know that everything will be alright.  I thank You in advance for taking care of me.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Salvation and doubting

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for saving me.  You are the only way to the Father.  I need help.  I keep having these thoughts about being unsaved even though I asked You to save me.  I have been having this problem for years.  I am so tired of this because I am not sure if You are telling me something or it is the enemy being deceptive as usual.  Could it be the obsessive thoughts and the prayers are compulsions? I want to fight back and let it go but what if I am not truly saved?  What if I never asked in faith?  I have these questions despite the fact that I want to and believe sometimes that I am going to Heaven. Unfortunately, I have those doubts that won't leave.  I feel like if I were to die right now or if You were to return right now then I would not be ready.  I am scared that I am not saved.  Despite my faith, I still have my doubts and my fears.  Help me, Jesus.

In Your name,

Amen

Monday, March 2, 2015

Love prayer

Lord,

I thank You for answered prayer.  Help me to overcome my fears.  Help me to be made perfected in love.  Teach me how to love.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Looking for Mr. Right

Heavenly Father,

I need a social life.  I am concerned at my age.  I just don't want to be alone with a cat in my future. While I'm still young, I want to look for a man who will complement me.  I want to be married with children but my biological clock is ticking.  With the way things are going in my life now, I am not so sure if I will qualify to be anyone' wife.  I know I lack confidence but I am just being honest.  It is as if I don't have much time left.  I want to be in a real relationship with a real person.  I don't want a nice, boring guy who deep down isn't really that nice to begin with.  I want a guy who is honest, kind, caring, and a gentleman.  I also want a guy who is loyal and practices good hygiene.  I don't want to be unequally yoked to a guy nor do I want a guy who has as much baggage as I do.  He doesn't have to look like a model but he has to take care of himself, present himself well.  He has to have manners and morals which are important.  Character matters more than color though I would prefer a man who is black, I would not leave out someone who is not.  My turn offs are men who are rude, obnoxious, ill-mannered, classless, dishonest, disloyal, and lacking in morals and intelligence.  I know men prefer women who are not overweight so that is another issue.  I have lost weight but I feel like it is not enough to land the right guy.  I am not ready to date much less get married.  I have never found the right one.  I don't want to wait too late but I am in no hurry.  On the other hand, I'm sure there is someone out there for me.  I wish I knew where to look.  I ask You for wisdom and guidance in this manner.  My social life is almost non-existent and I would like to change that.  I don't know how or where to begin.  I ask that You would show me where.  I thank You for answering this prayer.


In Jesus' name,


Amen