There is no dilemma. I realize that it is the obsessive thoughts talking. I feel like giving in to the compulsions is quite addictive. I am not so sure if can quit cold turkey. I feel so alone, though I know that I am not alone. Lord Jesus Christ, forgive me for my sins. Work a miracle in my life. I would like more than anything to overcome these obsessive thoughts about what I obsess over and compulsions. The compulsions are about find and doing the "research" that I so seek. I know the thoughts make no sense and they are not a reflection of me. I feel so guilty about the things that I have done wrong. Next time I will ask You if there are things that are pleasing to You or if there are things that are sinful and wrong. I don't wish to disrespect You in any way, shape, or form. I ask that You would fill me with Your Holy Spirit. Watch over and take care of me, Lord. Help me to live and think righteously. I know that things don't make no sense, because the so-called dilemmas have nothing to do with reality, but with fiction. I won't rationalize it nor do I need to explain things away nor do I to do any such research. They will only make things worse. Should I fight them or let the anxiety pass? The truth is, they seem to make things worse. Entertainment seems to make things worse as far as things go. It seems so silly because in the grand scheme of things, it is. I don't wish to explain anything because even that will be counterproductive. I feel so abnormal because I make the thoughts look like such a big deal. I know that things should not matter but mind says that they do. Heal me of this hardship. Heal me of these thoughts. Set a watch over my mouth. Heal and anoint me and including my hands that I would not give in to those compulsions. Your word says to be anxious for nothing but right now I feel like my hands are feeling the anxiety. Maybe it is a sign to let the thoughts and the anxiety pass. That is my desire: to overcome the anxious thoughts, to see things as they really are, and to make sure that I don't give in to things that are not real. What I see on television or in the movies do not affect me personally nor should they. It is only a TV show. TV shows end all of the time. My relationship with You does not, nor will it. Give me the wisdom and guidance to live for You and to serve You all the days of my life. I will dwell in Your House, Forever.
In Your name, Jesus,