Overcoming fear

Dear Heavenly Father,

I admit that I have not been made perfect in love.  My biggest issue is fear.  It is something that has held me back for so long.  I have been living a safe life for so long, it is as if I don't know anything else.  Right now, I am writing about the fears that I have.  I may have written this before, but I have fears that won't go away.

My weight has been a struggle for a long time.  For most of my life, my weight has gone up and down and now I would like for my weight to go down.  I need Your guidance, Your strength, and Your support.  I have failed to eat food in moderation.  I have difficulty eating smaller portions of food.  Eating healthy foods is not hard to do, but eating in moderation is.  I have fears about that.  Once I finish writing and learning, I will go back to my old habits of eating large quantities of food.  My fear is that I will not keep this up.  I have no idea how to face my fears when it comes to well, anything.

If I could take my medication everyday, go on blogs most days, and change my hair a few times every week, then it wouldn't be impossible to lose weight.  Wrong.  It is something that I struggle with.  It is something that I am afraid of.  I am afraid of not being able to lose weight and keep it off.  I have exaggerated my weight issue with You, but the fact that I don't want to get too comfortable being clinically obese is true.  I don't want that to be me.  I don't want to weigh at least 350-400 lbs. because of fear.  That is the only reason why I want to lose weight.

I am afraid that I will fail again.  I am afraid that I will never be motivated to exercise and diet.  I need to exercise and eat healthy.  I want to buy the gym equipment.  I would like to buy athletic shoes and active wear.  I don't want to waste my money like I did on Weight Watchers.  It is like a numbers game more so than anything else.  I am afraid to fail.  How do I overcome those fears when it comes to something as big and as important as my health?  I can put on makeup, fix my hair, and invest and sometimes ending up wasting money, yet I have no clue how to take better care of my body.

I want things to be perfect.  I have become anxious and fearful as a result.  Give me the peace of mind and the guidance that I so need with the issue of fear.  Fear is supposed to be false evidence appearing real, but that is not the case with me.  Fear is real and it exist.  I need help, Your help, in overcoming fear.  Fear is the root cause of my problem.  That is the root cause of my going up and down and my changing views about weight loss.  Today, my heart is now in it, but I am scared.  Will I ever live one day at a time?  Will I end up doing what is hard?  Taking care of myself and balancing my hormones outside of drinking water and taking medication is hard.  It has been a struggle for me.  I just wanted to give up, but not now.  I want to take action.  Making a mistake to me equals messing up, even to the point of failure and "starting over" again.

I admitted that I have procrastinated for so long that I have gotten comfortable.  I want and need to take action.  My goal is to lose 100 pounds and live life as a healthy and fit person.  I don't desire imagining that anymore.  I have given up on myself and I don't want to do that anymore either.  I would like to overcome fear, but I need help.  I don't know how to overcome fear and I need Your help and Your wisdom.  Help me to overcome the root issues of the fears that I have.  Fear and anxiety have overtaken me for so long that I feel alone.  I have little support.  I have made no choices or bad choices.  Going shopping and eating chocolates does not help me.  I have given in to my cravings instead of controlling them.  They have controlled me.  Food and some drinks don't love me back.

Your word does say to be anxious for nothing.  My petition is that You would continue to help and guide me in this matter.  Help me to not allowing fear to take over.  I realize that I will make a mistake, but help me to understand that it doesn't mean that I am destined for failure.  Help me and teach me how to do things that are hard.  Losing weight is hard.  Thank You for answering my prayers and for finally giving me the desire to lose the weight and keep it off.  Thank You for hearing me.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Balance is my greatest need right now.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Help me to find a balance.  My hormones are the reason why things are so out of whack.  It finally dawned on me to actually let it register.  I need and want to lose weight through diet and exercise, but I don't know where to begin.  I have been waiting for others even You to give me that push so that I can lose weight through diet and exercise.  My hormones are out of balance and I feel like I have to do it by myself.  Give me the guidance that I need to make the right decision whether or not I should quit Weight Watchers.  I have my reasons for wanting to quit and reasons for wanting to stay.  I want to stay on the program, but the problem is, I have been so frustrated because I have given up on myself.  Today's session has taught me that. For the first time I have realized that yes, I do need a push, but no, I can't wait for others to do it for me.  I realize that I need to start over myself.  I want to make exercise a habit.  I want to eat healthy.  The truth is, I am not so sure where to begin, especially when it comes to exercise.  I find myself inspired by others but it is hard to just go out there and just start.  I am afraid that I will fail.  I am scared of making even making the littlest mistakes that I have ended up procrastinating and making excuses. 

I need to change because of my desire to lose weight.  I have my goals and the sad truth is that I have gotten lazy because I have gotten used to be the way that I am.  I don't like how I look.  I don't like having difficulty doing things that others take for granted.  I have a hard time going through smaller spaces.  I don't wish to any longer find comfort in that.  I feel like I am fat, lazy, and motivated.  I could have been a thinner person who has been happier and more fit all along.  I am not happy because of what I have become.  I know that I have a hormonal condition that is no joke.  I have gained a lot of weight in a short period of time and I feel like "I have never recovered" from that weight gain.  I am taking a lot of medications and supplements.  I am young, but arthritic.  

I don't find myself attractive or even pretty.  I am one of those overweight people who finds herself having a pretty face, but not such a pretty body.  You know how I look.  I know how I look.  To You, I am beautiful, but I have failed to see myself in that light.  I have struggled with my weight realizing it has been my fault all along.  I don't wish to hide or stay in a shell any longer.  I wish I could go back and change it.  I have decided to make that change today.  I will not be scared to eat breakfast for fear of making a mistake by eating unhealthy.  It is true that I am not hungry, but I am naive about a lot of things and I want, need, and desire to learn.  I am willing to learn.  I definitely want to change the course of my life.  I need to do more for myself. It is like I know what to do, but I struggle to even do that.  I need to learn to say no and eat in moderation.  I have all of the rules, regulations, and meal plans, but I need Your help in following them. Even the simplest thing is very hard for me to do.

I feel like I am not smart enough to even follow that.  What is wrong with me?  How could I not know how to do that?  I am just not a person who can do something for the long haul, but I would like to change that, Lord.  Forgive me, for I am a sinner who is in need of You.  I am in need of immediate assistance at this time.  I need help in balancing my hormones and that is the only way that I need to lose weight and be healthy.  Maybe if I could balance my hormones, then I could balance everything else.  I also ask that You would continue to love me and take care as You always have.  I could use a miracle right now when it comes to this issue.  I know exactly what to do, but trying to put it together and taking action is just hard.  I also need all of the support and encouragement I can get.  I thank You for giving me that encouragement and for giving me that love and support.  I give You further thanks and praise.  Thank You, Lord.  Thank You for Your help.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Don't give up

Dear Heavenly Father,

Give me the strength to never give up.  Today's theme is to never give up.  Right now I feel like giving up.  I realize that it has never registered.  That is why losing weight is so hard for me.  I don't want to give up, but that is what I feel like doing.  I have overeaten in the past and I realize that I don't want to do that anymore. I pray about this, but it is like I have never been as honest as I hope to be now.  I weigh over 300 pounds and I have gotten used to weighing over 300 pounds.  The truth of the matter is, that is the least of my concerns. I have gotten happy with my weight and that is a problem.  I want to quit Weight Watchers, but I know I need help.  I cannot make it on my own when it comes to losing weight.  I have difficulty applying what I have learned.  Applying with I have learned worked for a while but I went back to my old habits.  The truth is, while the chocolate bars and the cupcakes and cookies were good, they are not helping me.  I am not doing a good job on trying to lose weight.  Well, the truth is, I have not tried.  Failure is my fault.  I know I need to lose weight and I know I need the support, but the real story is, I wonder if my heart is really in it.  There are periods when I have the desire to lose weight and there are other times when I just don't care any more.  I'd rather care.  I am spending money on a program that hasn't worked for me and the truth is, I want to quit.  I don't know what I am doing.  All I am really doing is playing the numbers game.  I don't know if I should stay on this program.  I have made a promise to stay on the program for a year.  Half the year is not over yet and I wish to give up.  If I were to give up, this would be my third time quitting and this would be the third time I would be wasting money.  I can't do that and I don't wish to do that anymore.  I realize that this is a decision I need to make for myself.  However, I ask for Your guidance.  I ask You to show me what I need to do.  I want to exercise and eat a healthy diet, but I don't know how to do those things.  I need immediate assistance in this manner.  Lord, I realize that I need a miracle.  I thank You for answering this prayer and I praise You that this prayer will be answered if it hasn't already.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

I know something is wrong with me

Lord,

I hate right now.  I have heard voices for a long time.  In fact, I know that You are trying to tell me something.  I realize that that is what You are doing.  I saw my father once 20 years ago.  I wondered how my life would have changed had he were alive.  I was close to my father. who in fact died nearly 30 years ago.  He was 62; I was only 12.  I feel like I could have been closer with him however.  I also have trouble remembering things, but at least with my father, he is in a better place.  I would like to know about any changes that I need to make in my life.  I just don't see things improving.  I need wisdom so that I would know what I need to do.  I also ask You for guidance.  Thank You for answering my prayers.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

A Lack of a Connection

Lord,

Bring me closer to You.  I feel a strong disconnect from You.  I don't know what is going on.  Help me.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

What is going on now

Lord,

I know something is wrong with me.  I am not the same person I have been even a few days before.  I am not a happy person.  I am trapped and I am in pain.  I don't know what to do or say.  Help me.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Who I want to be and who I saw

Dear Heavenly Father,

Today I am a bit sore.  It is also my last day of physical therapy.  I look forward to doing the exercises that has been given to me.  Right now, I might have to modify it.  I wasn't sure I was going to finish all of my sessions but I did.  I am so sore from the exercises and the weights that were put on me.  This isn't the first time that I completed a physical therapy session.  In fact, this was my second. Being there was far more of a motivation session that even the first.  I looked at myself in the mirror what I saw I didn't like.  I have to admit that.  I had no issue with the person looking back at me.  I did and still do have an issue with her appearance.  I saw a person who needed and wanted to lose weight.

This time I was going to do something about it.  I finally did.  Right now, while it hasn't been smooth sailing, I am actually learning to deal and actually dealing with the issues that I have.  I could have chosen to go to Weight Watchers meetings.  I lost weight so far so I must be doing something right.  That is what I need to focus on.  A lady gave me some fantastic advice.  This has become my motto: direction not perfection.  I am new to this third time I joined Weight Watchers and one of the reasons for past failures and frustrations was that I was overwhelmed.

I have to deal with being overwhelmed.  For years I was stressed out and I do now wonder how much of a toll stress has taken on me.  I realize that the direction I am going and have to continue going, is forward or northward. My goal was for the perfect day or the perfect weight. The truth is I had no set goal.  The good news is now I do.  There are things that would go a long way into losing weight and a set goal is a large one.  As a person who has a "perfectionist" personality, I began to give up on myself.  I finally realized that the answer to consistency in losing weight is to not only persevere but to expect and embrace the positives of this journey.  I love this going the long way as if I were a tortoise.  I now see the big picture by taking a few small steps.

Thank You,

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Thank You again, Jesus

Dear Jesus,

I thank You for listening to me today.  I believe that the best prayers are the prayers in which a person can unleash.  I also thank You for answering my prayers.  Thank You for loving me and for taking care of me.

In Your name,


Amen

Pain in my body

Jesus,

You are Lord.  You are also Lord, Savior, and Healer.  Even though I do count my blessings, I am in pain as well.  I am and have not been, 100 percent.  I ask that You would heal me.  No, really.  I realize that I could receive sympathy so yes, there is a payoff for having pain.  However, I have to realize that the pain could be a lot more serious than I thought.  I don't want that to happen to me.  I need help and I ask for Your healing.  I thank You in advance, for Your healing.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Jesus, I need You.

Lord Jesus,

Forgive me for my sins.  I have not been as close to You as I should have.  I don't only want to talk or write to You when I need You.  I realize, ironically, that I am in need.  Not only do I ask for a closer walk with You, but to not forget You.  I am called to follow Your will and I have failed.  I have failed many times and for that, I am sorry.  I feel like I am a failure and a disappointment.  I have been wrong before and I realize that that is always going to happen.  Thank You, for You have the power to forgive and the power to change.  I ask You, therefore, to forgive me, and give me the clarity that I so need.  I need to change and I want to change.  I also ask that You would change me and make me whole.  I want to be ready for Your return.  I want nothing more than to be a repentant, obedient, spirit-filled Christian.  That has been goal in life, to live for You and serve You all the days of my life.  Lord, give me the assurance of my salvation and take not the Holy Spirit from me.  Show me what I need to do as to how to live.  Continue to use me as a blank canvas, for that is what I am.  I promise that I will follow You.  I thank You that you have answered my prayer.

In Your name,

Amen

Presence

Dear Jesus,

I was down.  Now I felt like I am out.  I am not suicidal or anything like that, but I am depressed in the way that I am blue.  Is this what my life has amounted to?  I am often medicated and fatigued.  Today I was down and depressed.  I can't take my life and surroundings anymore.  I want to move.  I want to be independent. I want to leave but I feel like something is holding me back.  For years, nothing has changed.  Even if I say or do something, will things change?  I am not holding my breath.  I feel like I am being controlled and so is everyone else in the house.  There is a presence that is holding us all back.  I need clarity and guidance in this situation.  I need Your help, for I am pouring my heart out.  I need to pour my heart out.  Lord, I need wisdom in this matter.  I know that I will receive wisdom and for that I am thankful.  I would like for this presence to just go away and never come back.  There is no peace in this home.  I am just not happy.  I need You.

In Your name,


Amen

My concern

Lord,

As You know this morning, I have expressed my cares and concerns about living here.  I cannot take it anymore.  I believe that there is a bit of control from "behind the scenes".  I just cannot take it anymore.  I am not being abused, but I feel like that I am not the only one who feels used sometimes.  I wish that things would change, but I don't know how.  Give me clarity on the situation.  I ask this because maybe, just maybe I can say or do something.  I just cannot take it anymore.  Lord, help me.  Lord, help us all.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Grateful and thankful

Lord,

I am finally thankful that there is a wide, wide world out there to explore.  I finally realize that thinking outside the box could help me.  It would do wonders for me.  I am glad to be doing and find things that I normally wouldn't do or find.  I have all of these goals and now I can learn how to make goals and be realistic about them.  I am thankful for this day and every day.  My desire is to be more grateful and thankful for all days. I have to learn how to be more grateful myself.  I prayed the wrong prayer of gratefulness.  I ask for clarity in my prayers and I ask for guidance.  Give me the wisdom to be thankful for looking back, I have much to be grateful.  Thank You for answering my prayer.

In Your name, Lord,

Amen

My rant and prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

I pray that all will be well in the house.  So far, I ask and pray for healing, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Give me clarity on the situation at hand.  I need to know that my eyes can be and will be opened to what is really going on.  I have no idea how to change things around here.  I feel trapped and alone sometimes.  There is something wrong in this house.  There is no real life or laughter among the four of us here.  I have no idea what to think, feel, do, or even say about this situation.  Lord, help us.  Do a mighty work in our lives and in this home.  I have not been happy here yet I am happy here.  Things have gotten so anxiety-ridden for me, that I love isolating myself and taking myself out of the situation.  However, I realize that I do need to go out more.  I have no way to leave.  I don't have enough credit, income, references, or even transportation.  I personally am stuck in the situation I am in.  I feel as though the world has left me behind.  I have prayed about this often.

Lord, I don't know what to do.  I ask that You would come through for me.  I would like to change things but I don't know how.  I would like to say and do what I want to say, but where do I begin?  There is no real peace in this home despite how peaceful it may seem to much of the outside world.  I feel like I am being taken advantage of.  I am just tired.  I know that this is not all about me, but I am writing You this because I am just telling You how I really feel about the situation.  It has been too long.  I have no real time to truly be alone.  There is a growing sense of fear and anxiety that is made worse by the lack that is going on here.  The root of the problem has been around for years and it seems that it would never end.  I am praying and making a petition to You: change it.  Change us.  Change the situation at hand.  I need You to answer me.  I need immediate assistance in this manner.  Too much has gone wrong despite how we seem to get along, I know something is wrong.  Lord, help us.

I thank You for answering this prayer.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

What it means to go outside the box

God,

Forgive me.  I feel like I have made no progress.  I have not been honest with You or myself.  I feel like doing something I know I have no business doing.  I know that sin feels good for a season, but I realize that after I commit this sin, I end up feeling guilty.  That only means that I have a conscious.  I realize that thinking outside the box as far as Christianity means to think of and think on things that are respectful of You.  I have not always been respectful of You and I am sorry.  Help me to think outside the box.

Sincerely,

Letters to God

Peace of mind and wise counsel

Lord,

I just want to live for You.  I have asked that You would use me as a blank canvas.  I do need to think outside the box, but how do I do that?  I want to be and live as a holy, born again Christian.  I sometimes think that my life has been to please the world and even myself.  I want to please You and serve You all the days of my life.  I think that having the common sense that You have given me would be of great importance. For instance, I want to lose over 100 pounds.  I feel like a total failure.  I know that my health is also of great importance and that I need to lose weight.  There are many reasons why I need to lose weight.  However, I just don't have that desire to lose weight.  It seems rather stupid to the world, but how do You feel about it? Where in the world does it say about the desire to lose weight?  I have been and still am, on Weight Watchers.  Now I feel like it is total weight of time, energy, and money.  Yes, I want to stay because of a promise, yet I want to leave because I don't want to lose weight.  However I wish to follow Your word and Your will concerning my health. Show me and open my eyes to this truth.  Where do I begin?  I ask You for wise counsel, Lord, and I thank You for it.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Brand new creation

Lord,

I want You to be proud of me.  I want to have no more crushes on anyone.  I want to have a crush on You. I want to be obsessed with You.  I have been having them for years now..  I would like for things to change. You have changed me.  I know that being a believer is no easy ride.  It has it bumps in the road, but it is well worth the walk.  My walk has had its bumps, but like I mentioned earlier, it has had its difficulties.  I am not one who has been a martyr, so I wonder what my cross is.  Is it illness?  I have had obsessive thoughts for so long that I couldn't live without them.  They have been a large part of my life.  I realize that I had to fight. However, one good thing came out of this and that is I have drawn closer to You.  Thank You that I have gone closer.  I have to admit that these thoughts have been rough.  They have never been a joke and never will be.  I am scared that one more "round" or one more thought will be around the corner.  I want to live life as You have me see fit. 

I don't want to live for myself or anyone else.  I realize that it is time that I need to make changes in my life and in myself.  Where do I begin?  I ask for wise counsel and for guidance.  Forgive me of all of my sins.  I confess that I am a sinner and that You have saved me.  Thank You.  My goal is to live for You and serve You all the days of my life.  I have had crushes and have been obsessed with others for years even up til today.  I have to learn to embrace that fact.  I am good enough to live, and love.  That is what I believe that is part of what You created us for, to live and to love.  I ask for a change in me and my relationship with You.  I take full responsibility for my actions.  Use me, for I am a blank slate.  Take me as I am and change me.  I am sure that You want to change my life, but what does Your word say about a changed person and a changed life.  Help me and give me wise counsel on how to live for You as a saved person, a new creation in Christ.

I confess that I am not in a relationship.  I also confess that maybe that could be the reason for all of the crushes and obsessions.  I wasn't the popular kid.  I was the smart, yet weird kid.  I wish I had normal crushes all of the time.  I had obsessions at times.  I would act giddy around them.  I would follow them. It was not easy to live my life sometimes.  I centered my nights on them.  I centered my days on them.  I centered my hopes and dreams on them.  It was as if they were the center of my world.  It was as if I have committed idolatry since the men, living or dead, black or white, have been a center.  I have learned to accept that it is okay to learn to love, to have crushes every once in a while.  

However, do I know how to have a healthy crush?  This latest crush has not been healthy.  The man was handsome, very handsome. Was is the operative word because he is dead.  I see his grave and it is so sobering.  He had so much to live for.  It is apparently obvious that I he like all of us have to answer for how we lived our lives, saved or unsaved.  It was as if I couldn't make it without thinking of him.  It was taken too far.  I wasn't as familiar with his work until after his death.  Sadly, I will never get to meet him.  I thought it was because I was a fan, but it was not. I spent nights "falling in love".  I would spend days crying about him. There will never be a relationship between him and I, and the fact that he is dead is something I have to accept.  Yet I am no longer afraid to admit that I have these thoughts and feelings about him.  Thank You for giving me that opportunity.  Thank You for answering my prayers.

Sincerely,

Letters to God

Forgiveness and thanks

Lord Jesus,

Forgive me.  I don't feel like a good person.  I feel like that doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results and it is the height of insanity.  It is not like that with You at all.  I believe that insanity is the opposite of what Your word teaches.  Sin when it is conceived brings forth death.  I repent of that sin.  Sin degrades us and that is what has happened.  It is lawlessness.  Why am I saying this?  You are the Lord?  You know this.  You are the Creator and Lord, forgiver of all sins.  Thank You for dying on the cross for me.  For me of all people You sacrificed Your life.  Thank You for saving me, O Son of the Most High.  I give You praise.  I give You thanks.  I thank You for giving me the opportunity to repent and that You are the God of second or how many other chances.

In Your name,

Amen

My prayer to Jesus

Jesus,

Forgive me for not allowing myself just to even breathe.  I thank You for loving me and for saving me.  I am among those who live in a cruel, cold world.  All I watch on tv lately is about lies, betrayal, revenge, and violence.  Okay, sometimes.  I ask You for forgive me for anytime I have engaged in sinful activity and even reveled or okay'ed such activities.  My idea of priorities are based on what I watch on television and entertainment due to the fact that I live a rather sheltered life.  Jesus, I ask that You would help me overcome this sheltered world and all that comes with the isolation for I know it is not productive.  I would like to work out, shape up, and go out.  I used to do those things.  I want them to be more of a priority than what I watch on television.  This is what is going on with me.  Help me, Lord.  I'll follow You always. Use me, Lord.  I am still a blank canvas.  Thank You for answering this prayer,

In Your name,


Amen

Taking time with the Lord

Lord,

Forgive me.  I know that I have not written or taken the time to talk to You in the past couple of days.  I am sorry for being and coming across as so ungrateful.  I don't want to wait until something bad happens to be prayerful.  Remind me to always be thankful.  I have been blessed with much.  I don't want to be a professing Christian who just professes.  I want to be a professing Christian who isn't just professes to love Jesus, but is the real thing.  I have gone back on my word when it comes to a few things.  I have done wrong lately and I feel so ashamed.  I don't wish to promise You anything, but I do promise and repent.  I promise that I will not do those things again.  I have been tempted and I am not good at overcoming temptation, so I ask You for help in that area.  Give me strength and give me the guidance that I need to stay strong.  Give me the strength to say no.  Furthermore, I ask that You would strengthen my faith, for I realize that if my strength were strong, then I would not have done those things I have done.  I am sorry for my lack of faithfulness.  Again, Father, I ask of Your forgiveness.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Desire to live in the real world

Lord,

I have my fears, cares, and doubts.  I am afraid of what will happen next.  I have questions about those things everyday.  I worry that things won't go as planned or come to fruition.  I tend to have moral questions and obsessive thoughts.  I thank You that the obsessive thoughts are disappearing but I still have a "residue" of obsessions about infidelity and other moral issues left. For instance, I had a crush that bothered me.  I would think about it to the point where now I have become afraid that I will have that same crush again. I really need to go out more.  I have lived in a fantasy word for a long time and I believe that it is time to start living in the real world.  The real world is to me a very scary rough place.  I am a totally different person in the real world from the person in the fantasy world.  I am shy and often anxious in the real world whereas I am a different person in the fantasy world.  It has been that way since I could remember.  I would like to live in the world of reality and live in the world of make believe behind.  I also want to grow up and leave the crushes and obsessions and obsessive thoughts and fears behind.  I cast my fears upon You.  Forgive me.  I am sorry for all that I have done wrong and for the things that I have failed to do.  I just want this burden lifted off of me.  Help me and guide me.  My desire is to live for You and serve You all the days of my life and live in Your House, O Lord, forever.

In Jesus' name,


Amen