Thank You for the peace of mind that You have given me today. I needed to relax, but I also needed to be truthful to myself as well. I really don't want to get over my crush/obsession. I do, however, wonder if having a crush or an obsession is a sin. Does it constitute idolatry or is it much ado about nothing?
I wonder about these things because I have a crush on a movie actor. He is an older man and I think that he is a sexy guy though not conventionally handsome. He isn't a horrible looking guy per se, but he is way too old for me. I like his voice and his talent most of all. His looks are secondary, though when he was young he was very good looking.
I don't think that I am a shallow person, but when I see someone like myself, I become self-conscious. I am self-conscious about my appearance and I project that unto others. As You can see, I don't fit a certain standard of beauty. I am short and overweight with a decent face. I am thankful that You believe that I am beautiful and that is the most important thing. I want to look like a curvy, yet healthy woman.
I have a larger frame which means that I will never be thin. But it is time I be realistic. In order for me to change, I would have to take a long, hard, and sometimes painful look at myself. I was hoping if You could make that dose of reality a less painful however, though I have a feeling that change would require at least a little pain.
I feel that I have changed a lot, and I am glad. I realize that I am a work in progress. It is so much better than saying that I have a long way to go. I find myself thinking and writing about a lot of things and while they have help, I have learned that action is what counts. Help me to see that. I want to see others just as beautiful as You see me. I am thankful that it does not matter what a person looks like to You. I am also thankful that looks are subjective and that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Letters to God