I have grown tired. I am burdened with the cares of this life...my life. I am tired. I have grown tired. I come to You and I acknowledge You in all of my ways. I turn everything over to You. I come to You for I am labored and heavy-laden. I ask that You would give me rest. I take Your yoke upon You and learn of You. I ask that You would continually guide me in all my of my affairs and that You would lighten my burdens.
I have many burdens. I am here to unleash. I am tired of thoughts of the past. I have not really dealt with the thoughts of the past. I have gotten my feelings hurt. I don't think people care what they say to me. I don't think my words are just as effective as others. I know now that this has been the case for some people and some situations.
I am tired of these and other obsessive thoughts about this. I got into arguments and fights with others and needless to say, I am not a strong person. I wish to be more assertive instead of being so passive-aggressive and so fearful of confrontation. I am just not a confrontational person and I am afraid that something bad will happen to me.
All of this has lowered my self-esteem. I almost cried this morning because I reacted like a thin-skinned person. I don't know what to do about it except to turn them and to surrender my life over to your control. I pray for the strength to stand up for myself and not allow myself to feel like I have to care what the world thinks. It has held me back over the years and it is holding me back.
I am tired for this is a burden to me. I am no longer waiting for an apology. The big issue is the guilt that I feel for not standing up for myself. I was a wimpy person and I hated myself for it. I have hated myself in other ways for years. I admit that I do have low self-esteem and I have been taken advantage of and bullied. I never got over my past and now I am thin-skinned and fearful.
I just can't take it anymore. I feel that my past, my mindset, my self-esteem, and my fears have held me back and have made me fearful of confrontation and my past failures. I have felt like a failure for years. Now I realize that I cannot change the past at all, but I wish I could. I want to feel better about myself. I am fearfully and wonderfully made according to Your word, but I have a hard time believing that sometimes. Help me to see myself and my situation as You see me and my situation or rather, my situations.
I have wondered how beautiful I truly am physically. I have been called names and rejected and judged. I have been used and hurt. I just cannot take these bullying and abusive thoughts anymore. I am here to say that I am also tired of the negative self-talk. I am just tired. I really, really want to change. I don't know how, but You do. Where do I begin? How do I see myself as a beautiful person? How do I learn to love and respect myself? Where do I begin, O Lord? Where do I begin?
In Jesus' name,