What goals should I set for myself? What are Your goals for me? How should I go about with those goals? I have these questions because at my age, I feel guilty that I have allowed the world to pass me by it seems. I don't understand, but what have I done? I feel like I have not said or done enough. I realize that being a Christian is hard, but I have no idea how much I have to wait. My only goals are to live for You and serve You all the days of my life. I want to dwell in Your house for ever. I look forward to living in those mansions that You told the disciples.
Here is the thing: I have doubts to this day that I am born again. Do I need to be baptized in order to be truly saved? Is there anything that I have not done? I have asked Jesus to save me over and over and over again. I now wonder if I am saved. It is of no use to pray for others' salvation when I have doubts of my very own. I have had doubts for over 2 decades and I still have doubts to this very day. I just want these doubts to end.
I am also approaching middle age and as it seems I have had nothing to show for it for the past decade. I have no real friends outside of my family and my cat. I love them all but I get tired of being sheltered sometimes. I have no idea how to get out of my situation. I write about it a lot in this blog. I wish things could be different. I want things to be different but I have no idea where I need to start. I feel like I have dug myself into a lot of holes over times. I want to just live. Lord, I need help and I need guidance. I just need immediate assistance and I need immediate help. I ask that You would come speedily and answer my prayers. Help me, Lord.
I also want and need to know what else I can write differently. I would like to stop writing about my weight, my appearance, and the fact that I am sheltered and have no date. I would like to go back to school but I have no money and I doubt if I can obtain a grant. I would like to have transportation of my very own, but I cannot drive and I am always dependent on others. I feel like I am treated differently because I am diabetic and because I am bipolar. I don't know how to change my life. Help me, Lord. Help me to grow as a Christian and as a person altogether. Lord, what is Your will for my life? What is my purpose here on this planet? Why am I here? I ask for an immediate answer for I have been struggling. I have grown tired of struggling and I have grown tired of feeling the way that I do. I ask for change because I want, need, and desire to change. Most of all, I ask You for wisdom in this situation. I give You thanks for answering my prayer. Thank You.
In Jesus' name,