I am not sure what to write sometimes. That is like I don't know what to pray about. I do talk to You about my secrets and fears. I do thank You and praise You. But what more can I say or do? I have this issue that I have difficulty repenting from because I have a difficult time trying to overcome it. I am not proud to say that I have this issue. It is quite embarrassing to even talk about with You. What do I say to overcome this issue? What as a believer, do I need to do to overcome the embarrassment and the secrecy?
It is a sin. I know that now. Cleanse me from my secret thoughts. I cannot believe that I am airing this publicly but I am. I am not proud of what I have done. Sometimes because of this, I wonder if I am for real so to speak. I don't believe that as of yet, I have not yet been made perfected in love. Right now, I am doing just fine.
I just wish I can overcome this sin. I could pray this for others and minister to them, but I just have a hard time believing for myself. I have a problem and I know that You are the solution and that You forgive. I would love nothing more than to trust You on this, but I don't know how. I am scared that not only will I not be able to overcome but that I won't be ready. That is a sobering thought.
I am so worried about this. I was not even sure if this was a sin. I know now that I was wrong and that it is an issue. It is not uplifting or life-affirming. It is just wrong. Sin isn't life-affirming or uplifting. It is cruel, deceptive, and leads to death. I feel like every time I have an issue, I feel like I am playing around. I am really not. I have a problem and I need to have a Solution.
Help me, Lord. Help me to trust You for all things. Forgive me for all of my sins. Cleanse me from all unrighteousness. I repent of all of my sins, and including this one. I am sorry for what I have done and every time I commit this sin. I am just worried about the state of my soul. Maybe I shouldn't be worried because worry won't help me either. I am anxious about this and I know why.
I am concerned that I could die in my sin or commit this sin on the Day that You will return. I don't want to be like the Foolish Virgins in Matthew 25. I don't want to be like one who has not truly repented or who has been deceived by false teaching or anything else for that matter. All I want to do is to live for You and serve You all the days of my life. I want to dwell in Your house, Lord, forever.
Letters to God