Saturday, July 12, 2014

Private letter

Dear God,

I am not sure what to write sometimes.  That is like I don't know what to pray about.  I do talk to You about my secrets and fears.  I do thank You and praise You.  But what more can I say or do?  I have this issue that I have difficulty repenting from because I have a difficult time trying to overcome it.  I am not proud to say that I have this issue.  It is quite embarrassing to even talk about with You.  What do I say to overcome this issue?  What as a believer, do I need to do to overcome the embarrassment and the secrecy?

It is a sin.  I know that now.  Cleanse me from my secret thoughts.  I cannot believe that I am airing this publicly but I am.  I am not proud of what I have done.  Sometimes because of this, I wonder if I am for real so to speak.  I don't believe that as of yet, I have not yet been made perfected in love.  Right now, I am doing just fine.

I just wish I can overcome this sin.  I could pray this for others and minister to them, but I just have a hard time believing for myself.  I have a problem and I know that You are the solution and that You forgive.  I would love nothing more than to trust You on this, but I don't know how.  I am scared that not only will I not be able to overcome but that I won't be ready.  That is a sobering thought.

I am so worried about this.  I was not even sure if this was a sin.  I know now that I was wrong and that it is an issue.  It is not uplifting or life-affirming.  It is just wrong.  Sin isn't life-affirming or uplifting.  It is cruel, deceptive, and leads to death.  I feel like every time I have an issue, I feel like I am playing around.  I am really not.  I have a problem and I need to have a Solution.

Help me, Lord.  Help me to trust You for all things.  Forgive me for all of my sins.  Cleanse me from all unrighteousness.  I repent of all of my sins, and including this one.  I am sorry for what I have done and every time I commit this sin.  I am just worried about the state of my soul.  Maybe I shouldn't be worried because worry won't help me either.  I am anxious about this and I know why.

I am concerned that I could die in my sin or commit this sin on the Day that You will return.  I don't want to be like the Foolish Virgins in Matthew 25.  I don't want to be like one who has not truly repented or who has been deceived by false teaching or anything else for that matter.  All I want to do is to live for You and serve You all the days of my life.  I want to dwell in Your house, Lord, forever.


Letters to God