Help me to not worry or be anxious. Worry and anxiety are two problems that I have. Help me to hearken to Your voice, Lord. I want to be one of Yours and that You will know me. I know that I am a sinner who doesn't trust her motives. I don't trust myself but I have difficulty trusting in You. Help me with my unbelief.
Reality is hitting me closer than it has ever been before. I have a perfectionist complex and I need to have a renewed mind. I feel like I haven't grown in the faith because of my worries and anxieties. I am concerned that I will never over come these worries and anxieties.
What is wrong with me that I am a professing Christian, yet I have these things on my plate? Am I one of the fearful and unbelieving? My faith has been shaken because I believe I have allowed myself to go to and fro with every wind of doctrine. I wonder sometimes how You see me. I read and hear that You love me and that is what I believe.
I need to change. I need to be wise and receive guidance from You. I am so apprehensive about all of this. I listen to others and not take enough time to read or study Your word. Maybe that has been the problem. I have gotten myself so caught up in the things of the world like celebrity crushes and obsessions that they have taken great priority over You in deed. I am truly sorry for that. I would like to overcome these things.
I have learned to embrace that at 39, I have crushes. I have a crush now on a big name movie actor and also his late son, who has since died 2 years ago on this date. Life is fleeting and looking at his grave was sobering, to say the least. I often wondered what were to happen if I have died young, never truly repenting of my sins. I wonder what my life would have been like if I have never been born again or at least thought I was born again.
Help me to focus on Jesus who is all about uplifting, forgiveness, baptizing, saving, forgiveness, and being life affirming. I focus too much on things and people that are not about what Jesus is about and who Jesus really is. Jesus is Lord. I believe that He is the Son of God and that You rose Him from the Dead. I write this because I wonder if I feel my praying is too shallow or has been for nothing.
I pray for salvation over and over and over again and while I believe that I am saved and of the faith, I still have doubts. Because of those doubts, I wonder if I am double-minded and lacking in faith. Am I really saved or am I really lost? That is the question that I ask myself. How is it that in my mind I know that I am saved but my doubts say otherwise. Do I have a reason to feel the way that I do? Do I have a reason to doubt? What is wrong with me?
I need constant assurance and reassurance that I am truly saved and not lost. My biggest fear is that I am not ready, on my way to Hell, and I am not truly of the faith. Help me to work out whatever salvation I may have with fear and with trembling. Help me. I need help.
Letters to God