Issue that is more of a bondage

Dear Heavenly Father,

I ask that You would draw me closer to You.  I also ask that You will use me as a vessel to draw others closer to You.  I don't believe that I have not done enough.  However, can any believer do enough?  I don't want to be told that You never knew me.  That would be my greatest fear.

Give me a reason to not fear and have doubts.  I didn't like what I did last night after I prayed.  I am so sorry for my hypocrisy and my disobedience.  Christianity is not a religion of hypocrisy but of truth, integrity, and justice.  What I did last night didn't constitute not even one of these things.

I am obsessed with this very issue.  I am in dire need of help.  I want to be ready for Your return, but I don't trust myself or my motives.  I know that I wrote this last nigh.  Though I don't trust my motives or even myself, I trust You.  I need help overcoming this issue.  I realize that I need to let go if I could.

I also need to know if I could go ahead and just pray it away.  I am not trying to be funny, crass, or disrespectful, but I am hopeless when it comes to this issue.  It is somewhat of a compulsion but I always give in as well.  I wish I could tell You that I tried to stop, but I didn't try hard enough.  I know that I need to be set free from this for this is an issue that I have.

I have had this issue for years now and I believe that my obsessions, my crushes, and this issue all go hand in hand.  I have the insight but I don't know how to deal with it.  Such has been the story of my life, especially for the past seven or so years.

The root cause is not a lack of a healthy self-respect, though that would play a role.  The issue is having an unhealthy fascination starting from when I was a child.  I wonder if being isolated has something to do with it.  I have issues that stem from childhood that have yet to be fixed.  I wonder if that is what I am bonded to.  How do I get set free from all of this bondage?

Sincerely,


Letters to God