Sins that seem hard to forgive

Dear Heavenly Father,

Do I have a right to call You that after what I have done in the past couple of days?  I wish I had a good excuse, but I don't.  I have no excuse.  I can't blame it on the mania or on the obsessive thoughts.  I am in a vulnerable position right now, however.

I am wondering if I will have an obsessive thought about what I was looking at for the past couple of days.  I am scared that no matter if I am preparing myself to be ready I sabotage myself by going back to an old routine that includes things that are unhealthy.

I worry about that.  All I can say is that I am sorry for what I have done.  I have become distracted in the things of no real importance or substance.  I don't wish to give up at all as I am hopeful that this will soon shall pass.

Help me to trust You again as my faith is very, very small.  I am filled with anxiety and doubt.  I cannot even leave a fictional character alone.  The sad truth is that anything can trigger a thought, even though the thought in itself is useless.  I realize that I am scared and doubtful but I need help. Sure I am taking medication and going to a counselor, but I am still lonely and have few people to talk to.

I forgot to ask about group therapy.  I recall that I need people who can relate to me, but who can relate to an obsessive compulsive disorder sufferer whose obsession makes no sense.  I have crushes on married people, old people, and dead people.  What does all of this reveal about me?  I need a life of my own.  If I were to be healed tomorrow, then what?  What will I obsess about?  Who will I have a crush on?  How am I going to go about living my days?

Everything seems to bother me, especially right now.  I hate having these feelings.  I am lonely and worst of all alone.  Why do I have these specific thoughts since Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is so specific?  What does it have to be fictional characters?  Why can't it be about something else?  How about someone else?

I have come to realize that I need an increase in my faith.  I need help in getting rid of my doubt and I ask You for forgiveness.  All I can say is that I am sorry for what I have done, but I realize that everything seems like a compulsion and that my promises and prayers seem hollow.  Help.