Giving up?

Dear Heavenly Father,

I feel like quitting.  I am so sorry for my sins.  I really don't know what is wrong with me.  Hopefully it is not an example of the beginning of a midlife crisis.  I realize that time is short and I need to check myself and get ready, but I don't always think about that.  It is so silly that I don't.  I don't think that I am ready for Your return, Jesus.  I don't think that I have prepared myself because of my recent actions.  It is degrading to women especially.  I don't understand how a woman or a man can allow themselves to be demeaned like that.  On the other hand, why do I wish to degrade myself watching that?  I need Your wisdom.  I need time and a paying of attention to You.  Forgive me for what I have done and for what I have failed to do.  Right now, I am dealing with obsessive thoughts and the fear of what if I get healed only to wonder if I will stay healed.  I want to be healed but I have my doubts and my concerns such as I mention earlier.  What is really going on with me?  These past few days have been adventurous to say the least.  I realize that who I need is You.  Help me to get through this. I don't want to live like this forever.

In Jesus' name,


Amen