Dear Lord,
Right now I feel like I am losing it. All I could think about is a woman's infidelity or a movie containing infidelity. I would like to say that I cannot take it anymore, but I can't. I sadly do get pleasure out of this. I don't want to, but it is true. I wish I did not. It is a waste of time and energy having obsessive compulsive disorder. I know I sound like I am losing it, but maybe I am in a manic state of mind. My compulsion has become like a drug to me and I am addicted. This is not a good feeling to have. I know I don't want to get out of this cycle, but I need to. I love being honest with You and with myself. It all seems crazy, but there are moments when I know I want to get better and there are moments when I don't. It doesn't make any sense to me, but since did Obsessive Compulsive Disorder have anything to do with logic? I wish I could learn to truly accept the disorder and enjoy the ride. I have no idea how to confront my fears and not avoid anything no matter how much I don't want to. Help me to reconcile how I am feeling right now with what I need to do. I feel great yet I know that this will come crashing down. That is what I guess I should fear most. Help e to reconcile that before things get worse.
In Jesus' name,
Amen
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