Tuesday, September 16, 2014

I need You, Lord-Private letter

Dear Heavenly Father,

I feel like I need to be motivated to lose weight.  I need to be proud of myself and see the positives.  I have no set goals in mind.  It is as if I have no real realistic goals.  I have a comfortable goal but right now, I feel like even that one is unrealistic.  I need help.  As a matter of fact, I need help with quite a few things.  For the past couple of weeks, I feel like I have been thrown off course.

I also feel like I have a lot of catching up to do.  I have been in a manic state much less dealing with other issues such as having obsessive thoughts.

I wish I could embrace having these thoughts, but I don't know how.  I wish I can just embrace the fact that it no longer matters.  I cannot fight this on my own.  It takes a lot of hard work and I am still clueless as to what to do.  It is about infidelity committed by wives and not husbands.  I will never know why I have these thoughts but I have to realize that it no longer matters.  I also have to realize that acceptance and confronting my fears is the key to beating this and I don't know how to do either.  It has been hard and it is illogical.  I cannot put logic into this at all and to reason it out has been of no help.  Calming myself down helps temporary but what is bothersome is the fact that the thoughts keep coming back.

I have this persona that You know of that I don't like.  How do I deal with her.  It is not a nice persona.  It is often judgmental yet causes me to be anxiety-ridden.  Having obsessive thoughts about infidelity is not fun, not at all.  I guess I will have to accept that I will never know and that I have this persona.  Like I said, how do accept or embrace having these obsessive thoughts?  How do I confront my fears?  I ask You for wisdom on this.

I know that much of this letter is about having obsessive thoughts, but my health has become of great concern.  I have a hard time reconciling between diet and exercise and my own issues.  My knees seem to give way and I have back issues and my skin is funny feeling.  Give me the motivation and understanding that I need to lose weight.  Give me wisdom, that I may focus on what I need to focus on.  I have great difficulty trying to apply what I have at my disposal to my situation.  Help me, Lord.

I also have issues that I have brought on myself.  They are a financial nature and I brought it on myself.  I borrowed money and I have a debt to pay.  To You, and to many, they are small, but for me they are quite large.  I need money and I believe that because of my past manic state, I have made some poor choices that have come back to me and I am afraid to tell my family about it,  I have no idea what to do.  Help me, Lord.  I am afraid that I don't have the money and I am afraid that my family will find out.  I want to be fully honest with them, but I have no idea how.  What will they think?  How upset will they be?  I did wrong, and I am sorry.  I repent of my sins and I ask of Your forgiveness.  I am in need of Your help and I need immediate assistance.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

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