Groundhog day?

Dear God,

Today was as uneventful as any other day.  I am tired of living the same day over and over again. But in life we all have choices to make.  I have to learn to see things differently.  There are books to read, subjects to study, and things to muse about.  I like to daydream and live in a fantasy world.  Maybe the fantasy world is not a good thing.  I am almost a middle aged woman, yet I have the emotional skills and the social skills of someone younger.

I don't go out much and when I do, I get tired and want to go home.  I am like an impatient, petulant child who has behaved herself.  I wait patiently for my ride to arrive.  I feel like I am just out of options at the moment.

Could it be the fantasy world and the cocoon that I have lived in?  Could it be insecurity?  Could it be a lack of transportation?  Could it be about my weight and the subconscious self-consciousness that I have and have had for many years?  I have no idea what it could be.  Anyways, it could be anything or it could be all of the above.

I would like to change my mindset and my thought life.  I also like to change my fantasy world.  My obsession has been kicked up a notch and now I feel guilty.  I am not sure what I should do.  Should I close my account?  Should I no longer go online?  What should I do?  This actor hasn't ruined my life but I wonder if what is going on is a form of idolatry or just living in a fantasy world.  Is my fantasy world an example of idolatry?

These are things that I need help in.  I need to change and I need for my circumstances to change.  I realize that I have been wanting to change for the wrong reasons.  Because of that, maybe I don't have to change at all.  I have found myself caring what others think and have to feel like I have to start MY life over again.  It is as if there are many things that I have to start all over again.

Right now, I have been binge eating and drinking juice, two things that are not healthy for me.  I need healing from my thought life, and for everything else.  Teach me how to think for myself and to stand on my own two feet.  I feel like almost no one respects or cares about me, especially in this house.  I sometimes feel trapped and desperate here.  I don't know what to do.  Help me, Lord.  Help me.

Sincerely,


Letters to God