Saturday, August 24, 2013

A change in me

Dear God,

I had a rough day mentally.  A long sleep has done little to quell my obsessive thoughts.  I have wondered why I have these particular thoughts.  I wonder if I didn't have these thoughts would I care so much about what is going on.  Why don't I obsess about cars, jewelry, or money?  They would seem so much easier than infidelity.  I wonder why this happens. 

I have not changed much.  I have made progress, but I haven't changed.  Maybe that is the problem.  I don't apply what I have learned to my life.  I haven't read Your Word in a while and for that, I ask for Your forgiveness.  I ask, in fact, for forgiveness of all of my sins.  I feel like a weak-willed person just waiting for someone to rescue me.

It isn't going to happen, is there?  It isn't going to happen.  I wonder and still do wonder what others mean when You only help those who help themselves.  Have I not helped myself?  It seems contradictory to what Your Word says, but is it?  People have wrong beliefs about a lot of things.

I need help with my life.  I often talk about Jesus' soon return, yet I haven't made myself ready.  Or have I?  I need to do more with myself.  The problem is, I don't know what I am doing.  I ask for strength, courage, wisdom, and guidance.  If anything else, that is what I need.


Letters to God