I had a rough day mentally. A long sleep has done little to quell my obsessive thoughts. I have wondered why I have these particular thoughts. I wonder if I didn't have these thoughts would I care so much about what is going on. Why don't I obsess about cars, jewelry, or money? They would seem so much easier than infidelity. I wonder why this happens.
I have not changed much. I have made progress, but I haven't changed. Maybe that is the problem. I don't apply what I have learned to my life. I haven't read Your Word in a while and for that, I ask for Your forgiveness. I ask, in fact, for forgiveness of all of my sins. I feel like a weak-willed person just waiting for someone to rescue me.
It isn't going to happen, is there? It isn't going to happen. I wonder and still do wonder what others mean when You only help those who help themselves. Have I not helped myself? It seems contradictory to what Your Word says, but is it? People have wrong beliefs about a lot of things.
I need help with my life. I often talk about Jesus' soon return, yet I haven't made myself ready. Or have I? I need to do more with myself. The problem is, I don't know what I am doing. I ask for strength, courage, wisdom, and guidance. If anything else, that is what I need.
Letters to God