Saturday, February 28, 2015

Today is an okay day and a dilemma is not a dilemma

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am okay today thanks to You.  I am so grateful because maybe I should not say this but I am in a grateful mood.  Maybe being grateful isn't a mood.  Grateful is a state of being.  I have much to be grateful for and that is all because of You.  Thank You.  I am a very content person.  I would like to extend that joy and contentment.  I feel like I have accomplished something in my life but I would like to accomplish more.   I am just at peace right now and I don't feel like carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.  I realize that we all have our own sins and our own problems that we each have to deal with.  Monday there is an episode that I am drawn to, but I don't want to watch.  The solution?  I won't watch the show.  It will produce a trigger or not, but I have a feeling that it won't be a big deal.  I will just live life as normal but unfortunately normal can mean a lot of things as I soon found out.  I believe that all will be well and so I will just let the thoughts pass and get it over with. Other than that, I am problem free.  I will live as if it is just something that is nothing more than a mere challenge to overcome.  I know I changed subjects just like that but I have to admit that it has been on my mind.  I have given too much thought to these obsessive thoughts over the years which has caused me heartache and confusion.  I guess in this case, the best thing to do is to practice avoidance but not because of fear but because I don't want to get caught up in other people's mess.  It is as if I am tempted to watch, which is a sign not to watch.  Lord, remind me of this Monday.  What I watch on television is not as important as the quality of my soul or the content of my character.  I can't turn myself off but I can turn off the television.  I believe that there is so much to do here and elsewhere and that will occupy my time.  I am sure there are things I want to do to occupy my time other than what to watch on television.  What makes it so confusing is the voice that says to do it as a way to face my fears.  But I would only be feeding the obsession and that is not good.  I realize that this may be the key, talking it out or writing it out which is what I am doing right now.  I realize that the answer is all in my head as well.  Thank You for giving me a sound enough mind to come up with that answer.  Thank You for this day.


Letters to God