Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Reconciliation, motivation, and a sense of freedom

Lord,

May I not remember and continue to remember the light bulbs that I had this morning.  I have had years of light bulb moments but I was lost.  I didn't know how to take action.  I feel so much better. Right now, I am wide awake.  I admit that I have not lived holy.  Your word says that we are to be holy since that is what and who You are.  I am asking for Your forgiveness, Lord.  I am sometimes concerned that I place too much importance on things of the world instead of on things of You.  I have learned to overcome fears and the cares of this life.  I need help in seeing the things of eternity and to think eternal.  It is what is real and permanent.  Give me the motivation to live and breathe and see the eternal.

I have another issue that I wish to address and that is to take care of my body.  I am more motivated to exercise.  I know that I need to lose weight but at one time I had no motivation to exercise.  The truth is I weigh almost 290 pounds and I don't wish to gain weight to the point where I will get to stay in comfort about my weight.  However I have know that I don't wish to weigh 350 pounds with the same health issues.  I am a diabetic who is clinically obese but I don't wish to stay that way.  My desire is to lose weight.  Show me how to do that when it is so difficult to do so.

I have gained weight and lost weight over the years and nowadays it has taken its toll on my health and my psyche.  I have spent a long time wanting, needing, and desiring to lose weight.  I ask for the wisdom to lose weight so that I may take action.  For the first time in years, I am finally taking some action.  I am finally seeing myself as a person who was filled with a lack of confidence and at times, self-respect.  I am doing so much better.  I ask that You would lift this burden from off of me.  I have been impatient yet it seems that I often prove myself right.  I have to deal with these issues.  I felt that it was so sad that I had to define myself by slips of paper to affirm myself.  Having respect for myself is a spiritual issue.

My real desire is not just to be healthy but to be also a self-respecting woman who is not overwhelmed and bogged down by the cares of this life.  I felt like I have had many.  I have not liked myself because I have been overwhelmed.  I still have to deal with being overwhelmed and that is the root of my problems.  I realize that fear is tormenting and I realize that I have been tormented most of my life.  That is the reason why I don't wish to go out there and exercise.  I procrastinate because of a fear of failure.

I hate to fail ever since I was a child, even when it came to card games.  I hated to fail and make a mistake for fear of being called names.  I fear being called names and being disliked and bullied more than anything else.  Now that I know what is wrong, how do I overcome that?  I know that it requires action on my part but how do I reconcile what I need to do to what You can do?  I ask for change from within yet I have to take action.  Where do I begin to remove those stumbling blocks?  Maybe that is the problem.  I tend or want to isolate myself and go at things alone.  I realize that that has made things worse.  I need wisdom and I ask for all of the wisdom I can get.  I don't wish to go back and just write things out.  I ask for the Solution to all of these problems.

I ask that You that You would give me hope.  Help me to see things in my life that align or don't align with Your word.  There are some things that I would like to change but I know in my heart that change requires taking action and doing something about it.  Tonight I would like to say that I let it go.  The world has brought me down and I have had thoughts of negative things and I have been overwhelmed ever since.

Jesus, I thank You for dying on the cross for me.  I would like to know how to take action.  I ask for wisdom that I may take the appropriate actions to overcome the things of the world as You have. Help me to live as if I know for a fact that You are my example.  How do I go about doing that? How do I live for You in a planet where there is much pain and much strife?  How do I go about not living in denial while at the same time not allowing myself to get bogged down?  Show me, Jesus.  I know that You are Lord.  Help me to relate to Your death on the cross so that would reconcile Your sacrifice to all that is me.  I know that You have saved me and I thank You for saving me.  There are times when I feel like I haven't always been saved.  I have even had doubts about whether or not I am living in the faith.  May I follow You always.  I am ever thankful and praiseworthy that You would take the time to actually listen to me and that You would answer my prayers.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

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