I have had doubts about being saved. It has been many years for me and it hasn't always been so easy. I was triggered by the Lordship Salvation teaching. I am just scared and have been for a long time. I don't always read and study the Bible and haven't been doing much of that until lately. How can I say I am a Christian if all I have is doubts? I doubt that Jesus saved me right now. I am afraid that if I die right now, I will not be in Heaven with You. I admit that that is all I want but I know You expect more from all of us, including myself. I have not done as much like I should. My motives have not been pure. I do not trust myself. I know and believe that You are the only way to the Father, Jesus, and I ask that You will save me. Sometimes I don't know how to ask for things because I either get tongue tied or because my prayers don't get answered. I do wonder if I am a hypocrite who trusted in her own righteousness. I have all of these issues that I believe that You can fix. I believe that You are Lord and Savior and that Jesus is Your Son. My heart seems cold but my mind is not so cold. I want to have faith in You and right now, I don't. I feel pretty bad about this because it is as though I never been saved. It is as if I have been deceiving myself. I am not sure if this is an obsessive thought due to scrupulosity or not, but it is hard to believe it is an obsessive thought at the same time.
I am honesty not sure if I am of the faith. I am not sure if You truly know me. Your word says that we are saved by faith, so I ask You to increase my faith. I was first saved while in college. I was going through a lot and a friend asked me about my belief in You. I told her that I did. I was a lonely 19 year old who poured my heart out that afternoon. I prayed to accept or receive You after that and things have changed since. Thank You. Now after more than 20 years, it is as if I am not sure if I am of the faith. Right now, I am dealing with identity and health issues. Yes, I don't want to spend eternity apart from You, but I know that there is more to being a believer than a ticket to Heaven. I want to know who I am and why I am here. I want to know how to be born again. I ask for Your wisdom and guidance in this manner. I also ask for forgiveness of sins and for healing. I am too sensitive and I think I am saved, but I have my doubts. I wish I didn't have those doubts and I wish I didn't believe so much what my mind says. I ask that Jesus Christ would save me. I ask You for guidance in that I will be able to hear Your voice. I ask to be purified and made whole. I ask You also for peace of mind. Thank You for answering my prayer.
In Jesus' name,