Thursday, August 7, 2014

Heartfelt prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

I need help.  Help me to see all sin, mine and others, not as just wrong but detestable in Your sight.  I want to change because that is my desire.  I need help shielding my eyes and guarding my heart with all diligence. I know that from it flows the issues of life.  I am not so sure what that means but I have an idea.  I have ideas and theories but I don't know if they are truths.  That is my issue.

There is so much lying and confusion in the world.  Help me to better discern truth from lies.  I want to "stay the course" but I have so much trouble seeing things as You would have me to see them.  I am bound by the truth but I live in a world full of lies.  I am just writing what is in my mind and in my heart.

I am no angel and I am certainly not the Christ who died for the world's sins.  I am just me, a sinner who needed a Savior.  I still need the Savior.  I feel like I am in an uphill battle not just for my soul, but for my mind.  It has been hard and rocky.  Everything seems so hard not because I make it hard but because I lack wisdom.

I have these issues that overwhelm me and I feel so lonely.  For instance, I am a glutton.  I have an overeating problem that stems from way back.  I would like to change and repent from that, but I don't know how.  I am not trying to cover up abuse or feel bad about myself.  I don't think I eat out of emotion or boredom, but I am not so sure why I eat so much.  Eating healthy is a lifelong struggle.  I don't want to diet but the healthy lifestyle thing isn't working.  All I know is that I want to truly lose weight with a lofty goal in mind and keep it off.  Show me where I need to begin.  Help me be wise as I ask You for wisdom.

Help me and guide me.  I am a sinner still but saved by grace.  Thank You for saving me.  I admit that I sound like a broken record.  That is an issue that I face daily.  There are times when I can make a different set of choices and make a different set of mistakes.  I need guidance and a sense of direction in my life.  I am bored of what I consider the daily grind.  What makes it all so confusing is the pleasure that I get from this yet I hate it at the same time.  It is a vicious cycle that I would like to get out of.  Vicious cycles are things that I seem to specialize in.

Please, Jesus, I need healing not only from sickness but from sinful thoughts and sinful thinking.  May I leave the past behind and may I look to the future whatever future that may be.  What is my future?  As of now, is it a bright one?  I hope so.  I feel like a hamster spinning in its wheel.  It is a cycle I cannot get out of.  One wonders how the hamster is feeling running in that wheel.  He or she has got to be bored.  That is how I feel.  I need and want and desire to change and make a change, but I don't know how.  Lord, give me focus and show me where I need to begin.

I realize that change begins with me but I know also that I cannot make it without You.  I need You to take care of me.


Letters to God