Dear Heavenly Father,
I need help. Help me to see all sin, mine and others, not as just wrong but detestable in Your sight. I want to change because that is my desire. I need help shielding my eyes and guarding my heart with all diligence. I know that from it flows the issues of life. I am not so sure what that means but I have an idea. I have ideas and theories but I don't know if they are truths. That is my issue.
There is so much lying and confusion in the world. Help me to better discern truth from lies. I want to "stay the course" but I have so much trouble seeing things as You would have me to see them. I am bound by the truth but I live in a world full of lies. I am just writing what is in my mind and in my heart.
I am no angel and I am certainly not the Christ who died for the world's sins. I am just me, a sinner who needed a Savior. I still need the Savior. I feel like I am in an uphill battle not just for my soul, but for my mind. It has been hard and rocky. Everything seems so hard not because I make it hard but because I lack wisdom.
I have these issues that overwhelm me and I feel so lonely. For instance, I am a glutton. I have an overeating problem that stems from way back. I would like to change and repent from that, but I don't know how. I am not trying to cover up abuse or feel bad about myself. I don't think I eat out of emotion or boredom, but I am not so sure why I eat so much. Eating healthy is a lifelong struggle. I don't want to diet but the healthy lifestyle thing isn't working. All I know is that I want to truly lose weight with a lofty goal in mind and keep it off. Show me where I need to begin. Help me be wise as I ask You for wisdom.
Help me and guide me. I am a sinner still but saved by grace. Thank You for saving me. I admit that I sound like a broken record. That is an issue that I face daily. There are times when I can make a different set of choices and make a different set of mistakes. I need guidance and a sense of direction in my life. I am bored of what I consider the daily grind. What makes it all so confusing is the pleasure that I get from this yet I hate it at the same time. It is a vicious cycle that I would like to get out of. Vicious cycles are things that I seem to specialize in.
Please, Jesus, I need healing not only from sickness but from sinful thoughts and sinful thinking. May I leave the past behind and may I look to the future whatever future that may be. What is my future? As of now, is it a bright one? I hope so. I feel like a hamster spinning in its wheel. It is a cycle I cannot get out of. One wonders how the hamster is feeling running in that wheel. He or she has got to be bored. That is how I feel. I need and want and desire to change and make a change, but I don't know how. Lord, give me focus and show me where I need to begin.
I realize that change begins with me but I know also that I cannot make it without You. I need You to take care of me.
Letters to God