Wednesday, November 20, 2013

My obsession is fading

Dear God,

I need help.  My mind is a battlefield.  I ask for a renewal of my mind.  Help me to think on something that is pure, just, lovely, honest, true, and of good report.  I know it means to think on the things of You, Father.  How do I do that when I am so busy doing other things?  How do I do that whenever I am so busy with obsessive thoughts?

I have been obsessed with MR and CO for a while.  However, it doesn't bother me anymore.  So far, it has not.  I would like to be a fan but I know and realize that it is not possible without obsessing.  That would be like playing with fire.  Believe me, I don't wish to get burned.

How do I overcome it?  How do I not dream about him and think about him?  I need more help and bad.  During the day, it is not as bothersome as it once was, but in my sleep it doesn't bother or upset me, but I know I feel so wrong.  Why do I still dream about him, Lord?  Why did I ever act as if I loved him?

I have become impatient.  Why couldn't nature take its course?  If something is in the back of my mind, then I am not over it.  I am not over him, Lord.  I desire to be over him and live a holy, righteous life.  I want to live for You and serve You all the days of my life.  I obsess about his ex-wife even though he has been married twice.  His second wife is telling all about her life, but not just with MR but about her whole life.  It is good that she has moved on.  It is also good that MR has moved on too.  It is time for me to move on.  It is still bothersome and I don't want any part of it.

MR is just a man and CO is just a woman.  In hindsight, I don't really care, but I do.  The OCD wants me to care and it seems to be winning, or at least I think so.  I just want the thougths to pass, but is it  biblical and wise to let the thougths pass?  How do I cast down every vain imagination?  What is a vain imagination?  I am just being honest.  I have little idea about a vain imagination.  Why should I care about MR and CO so much?

Should I examine that?  How should I deal with it?  Have I gone about things the wrong way?  I don't wish to ruminate on it, but I don't want to be bothered by it either.  I need wisdom on this.  I pray this in Jesus' name.  Thank You for reading and hearing my request.