Lord,
How come I don't have that moment? Where is the spark? I need to lose weight. I am over 300-lb., which would make me super morbidly obese because of my height. My question is am I losing weight for the wrong reasons? Am I really doing this for me? I have every reason to lose weight. I broke a chair or two. I have been teased and made fun of. I fell down the stairs twice. I feel like a person who is broken. I hate the way that I look. I don't see the beauty in myself. I am fat, short, boring, and just not attractive enough. I would be considered one of those fat people who have a pretty face but I need to lose weight. There are just times when I feel so unattractive and so ugly. I fear that others will make fun of me, reject me, or laugh at me. I know my weight is a problem, but I am not sure if my weight is such an issue because my heart just isn't in it. I have no desire no matter how much I try to change. I have this mindset that is unable to change. I feel guilty about gaining weight. I am comfortable because I am complacent. I need to exercise, but I rather not. I wish I could do those things, but I feel tired. I have made no progress. I have struggled and struggled and struggled. My desire is to have a desire. I just don't and that is not a good thing. I just don't know what to do. I just cannot wait anymore. I just cannot wait any longer. I want to be more than just a number on a scale. My goal is to have a goal. I just have no true desire and that scares me.
In Jesus' name,
Amen
How come I don't have that moment? Where is the spark? I need to lose weight. I am over 300-lb., which would make me super morbidly obese because of my height. My question is am I losing weight for the wrong reasons? Am I really doing this for me? I have every reason to lose weight. I broke a chair or two. I have been teased and made fun of. I fell down the stairs twice. I feel like a person who is broken. I hate the way that I look. I don't see the beauty in myself. I am fat, short, boring, and just not attractive enough. I would be considered one of those fat people who have a pretty face but I need to lose weight. There are just times when I feel so unattractive and so ugly. I fear that others will make fun of me, reject me, or laugh at me. I know my weight is a problem, but I am not sure if my weight is such an issue because my heart just isn't in it. I have no desire no matter how much I try to change. I have this mindset that is unable to change. I feel guilty about gaining weight. I am comfortable because I am complacent. I need to exercise, but I rather not. I wish I could do those things, but I feel tired. I have made no progress. I have struggled and struggled and struggled. My desire is to have a desire. I just don't and that is not a good thing. I just don't know what to do. I just cannot wait anymore. I just cannot wait any longer. I want to be more than just a number on a scale. My goal is to have a goal. I just have no true desire and that scares me.
In Jesus' name,
Amen
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