Tuesday, December 22, 2015

The personal matter I was referring to

Heavenly Father,

I love the idea because of deep down reasons.  I don't wish to come across as somebody who will come across as not someone who cannot afford things.  It isn't an excuse, but I want to come across for myself as someone with the freedom to express my love for others by giving gifts.  The problem is, will that love be reciprocated?  I am bipolar and I wonder if that is the issue as to why I have been spending.  I need to "come down" in terms of my mood swings.  I believe that is the reason for the confusion I just wrote about yesterday.  On one hand, I love to spend.  On the other hand, I want to save.  I have a low income and I also ask for wisdom when it comes to budgeting and also help when it comes to paying my bills.  I have more than one line of credit and I am not sure, but I got greedy and now, I am concerned.  I should be scared.  I ask for Your help and Your healing.  I ask for financial blessing and providence, but I also ask for forgiveness.  I have had anxieties and fears when it comes to this situation.  I don't know what to do and I am truly afraid.  I also ask that You would send someone my way who won't be judgmental or rude.  I know that I need help.  I recall being hospitalized because I had a similar issue.  I don't want to go back.  I want to move forward and have my bills taken care of.  This isn't all.  My income is small and I fear that it may get smaller or become non-existent one day.  I ask for focus and guidance. I am not proud of myself.  In fact, I am ashamed of myself.  Help me, Lord.  I thank You and I praise You, for Your help and for having the answers to this and all other prayers.

In Jesus' name,