Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Years of struggling with the same issues

Dear Heavenly Father,

I would like to be able to focus on the things that I need to focus on.  I feel like sometimes there are so many things I want to do.  The truth of the matter is, I can only focus on one thing.  For years I have had this struggle.  The struggle is not just to lose weight and be healthy but also taking the time to see the world and people around me.  Losing weight has been a rather difficult battle for me.  I would like to be able to write fewer blog entries in the near future about being overweight and having low self-esteem.  That would be nice.  There were times when my heart wasn't in it.  There are other times when I am so into it that after a while I go back to gaining weight and starting all over again. I just feel like giving up.  That was how I felt this past weekend.  I was so discouraged.  My concern was that I was so rude to You.  In fact, not only was I rude I was ungrateful.  I am truly sorry, Lord.  I hate to admit that I have shown my true character or rather, my true colors.  The feeling is that not only was I rude, but I wish I were like Job.  He was faithful no matter what.  I would like to be like Job, a righteous man who, despite ll that he has been through never lost sight of who You are.  Sadly I have lost site that You are who You are.  I was discouraged and worried this past weekend.  Today, I no longer feel that way.  I am hopeful but over the years I felt as if my hopes were dashed.  I want to change that, but I cannot do it alone.  I need a sense of direction in my life.  I have lived within a cycle of doubt-low self esteem-gaining weight-losing weight-low self esteem-gaining weight and so on.  Starting today, I would like to break that cycle and not wanting to "start over".  I want to continue where I have left off.  That would be nice.  Thank You.


Letters to God