Saturday, May 30, 2015

Overcoming fear

Dear Heavenly Father,

I admit that I have not been made perfect in love.  My biggest issue is fear.  It is something that has held me back for so long.  I have been living a safe life for so long, it is as if I don't know anything else.  Right now, I am writing about the fears that I have.  I may have written this before, but I have fears that won't go away.

My weight has been a struggle for a long time.  For most of my life, my weight has gone up and down and now I would like for my weight to go down.  I need Your guidance, Your strength, and Your support.  I have failed to eat food in moderation.  I have difficulty eating smaller portions of food.  Eating healthy foods is not hard to do, but eating in moderation is.  I have fears about that.  Once I finish writing and learning, I will go back to my old habits of eating large quantities of food.  My fear is that I will not keep this up.  I have no idea how to face my fears when it comes to well, anything.

If I could take my medication everyday, go on blogs most days, and change my hair a few times every week, then it wouldn't be impossible to lose weight.  Wrong.  It is something that I struggle with.  It is something that I am afraid of.  I am afraid of not being able to lose weight and keep it off.  I have exaggerated my weight issue with You, but the fact that I don't want to get too comfortable being clinically obese is true.  I don't want that to be me.  I don't want to weigh at least 350-400 lbs. because of fear.  That is the only reason why I want to lose weight.

I am afraid that I will fail again.  I am afraid that I will never be motivated to exercise and diet.  I need to exercise and eat healthy.  I want to buy the gym equipment.  I would like to buy athletic shoes and active wear.  I don't want to waste my money like I did on Weight Watchers.  It is like a numbers game more so than anything else.  I am afraid to fail.  How do I overcome those fears when it comes to something as big and as important as my health?  I can put on makeup, fix my hair, and invest and sometimes ending up wasting money, yet I have no clue how to take better care of my body.

I want things to be perfect.  I have become anxious and fearful as a result.  Give me the peace of mind and the guidance that I so need with the issue of fear.  Fear is supposed to be false evidence appearing real, but that is not the case with me.  Fear is real and it exist.  I need help, Your help, in overcoming fear.  Fear is the root cause of my problem.  That is the root cause of my going up and down and my changing views about weight loss.  Today, my heart is now in it, but I am scared.  Will I ever live one day at a time?  Will I end up doing what is hard?  Taking care of myself and balancing my hormones outside of drinking water and taking medication is hard.  It has been a struggle for me.  I just wanted to give up, but not now.  I want to take action.  Making a mistake to me equals messing up, even to the point of failure and "starting over" again.

I admitted that I have procrastinated for so long that I have gotten comfortable.  I want and need to take action.  My goal is to lose 100 pounds and live life as a healthy and fit person.  I don't desire imagining that anymore.  I have given up on myself and I don't want to do that anymore either.  I would like to overcome fear, but I need help.  I don't know how to overcome fear and I need Your help and Your wisdom.  Help me to overcome the root issues of the fears that I have.  Fear and anxiety have overtaken me for so long that I feel alone.  I have little support.  I have made no choices or bad choices.  Going shopping and eating chocolates does not help me.  I have given in to my cravings instead of controlling them.  They have controlled me.  Food and some drinks don't love me back.

Your word does say to be anxious for nothing.  My petition is that You would continue to help and guide me in this matter.  Help me to not allowing fear to take over.  I realize that I will make a mistake, but help me to understand that it doesn't mean that I am destined for failure.  Help me and teach me how to do things that are hard.  Losing weight is hard.  Thank You for answering my prayers and for finally giving me the desire to lose the weight and keep it off.  Thank You for hearing me.

In Jesus' name,