Monday, June 1, 2015

The Truth about my weight issues

Lord Jesus,

I need a miracle from You right now.  I don't what to do or how to do it.  The topic is exercise.  Create me in Your image.  Wipe the slate clean.  Make me a blank canvas.  Use me, Lord.  I will follow You always.  I feel a little bit confused.  I know that I need a change of mindset.  Right now, my left foot, well, my toe has a burning sensation.  My weight has gone up.  I am responsible for this.  I wanted it to be this way, I confess. I am here to write that there are changes that I need to make.  I wish to accept that my heart wasn't always into it.  My goal is to lose 108 pounds and to keep it off.  I would be happy if I were to lose 60 pounds. I wish I had not given up on myself.  I weighed less than 250 pounds.  I remember the worst thing I had to deal with were fitting in my clothes.  I had gotten used to my weight and I became okay with it.

Now, I am not.  I am not that happy with my current weight.  I am not that happy period.  I need to lose weight.  My toe has a burning sensation and my stomach is hanging down to a point where it is on my lap.  I never thought that would happen.  I never thought that I would weigh 300 pounds or have hormonal issues either.  The problem I have been having is that I have hormonal issues that I need to address.  I also realize that I am in need of guidance and support which I ask that You would provide for me.  I am so scared.  I am fearful. I wonder if there were other people who feel that way too.

I am in a period where I am afraid to eat the wrong kind of food and even eat breakfast.  I am scared since I have been dealing with pain and burning sensations in my feet as of late.  I would like to be cured of diabetes and I want and need to deal with being obese.  There.  I said it.  I am not happy with myself.  The truth is, I want to be ashamed of myself, but strangely I am not.  I am not proud of myself and I would like to know how I allowed myself to be overweight like I am.  I have gotten so fat that it would be nice if I were to weigh 270 pounds.  It has been a while since that has happened.  I am not so sure what to do and where to begin.  I do not want to quit.  Not at all do I desire to quit.  I want to be happy and made whole.  That is all I want from You.  I ask this in Your name, Jesus.  Amen.