Friday, May 29, 2015

Balance is my greatest need right now.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Help me to find a balance.  My hormones are the reason why things are so out of whack.  It finally dawned on me to actually let it register.  I need and want to lose weight through diet and exercise, but I don't know where to begin.  I have been waiting for others even You to give me that push so that I can lose weight through diet and exercise.  My hormones are out of balance and I feel like I have to do it by myself.  Give me the guidance that I need to make the right decision whether or not I should quit Weight Watchers.  I have my reasons for wanting to quit and reasons for wanting to stay.  I want to stay on the program, but the problem is, I have been so frustrated because I have given up on myself.  Today's session has taught me that. For the first time I have realized that yes, I do need a push, but no, I can't wait for others to do it for me.  I realize that I need to start over myself.  I want to make exercise a habit.  I want to eat healthy.  The truth is, I am not so sure where to begin, especially when it comes to exercise.  I find myself inspired by others but it is hard to just go out there and just start.  I am afraid that I will fail.  I am scared of making even making the littlest mistakes that I have ended up procrastinating and making excuses. 

I need to change because of my desire to lose weight.  I have my goals and the sad truth is that I have gotten lazy because I have gotten used to be the way that I am.  I don't like how I look.  I don't like having difficulty doing things that others take for granted.  I have a hard time going through smaller spaces.  I don't wish to any longer find comfort in that.  I feel like I am fat, lazy, and motivated.  I could have been a thinner person who has been happier and more fit all along.  I am not happy because of what I have become.  I know that I have a hormonal condition that is no joke.  I have gained a lot of weight in a short period of time and I feel like "I have never recovered" from that weight gain.  I am taking a lot of medications and supplements.  I am young, but arthritic.  

I don't find myself attractive or even pretty.  I am one of those overweight people who finds herself having a pretty face, but not such a pretty body.  You know how I look.  I know how I look.  To You, I am beautiful, but I have failed to see myself in that light.  I have struggled with my weight realizing it has been my fault all along.  I don't wish to hide or stay in a shell any longer.  I wish I could go back and change it.  I have decided to make that change today.  I will not be scared to eat breakfast for fear of making a mistake by eating unhealthy.  It is true that I am not hungry, but I am naive about a lot of things and I want, need, and desire to learn.  I am willing to learn.  I definitely want to change the course of my life.  I need to do more for myself. It is like I know what to do, but I struggle to even do that.  I need to learn to say no and eat in moderation.  I have all of the rules, regulations, and meal plans, but I need Your help in following them. Even the simplest thing is very hard for me to do.

I feel like I am not smart enough to even follow that.  What is wrong with me?  How could I not know how to do that?  I am just not a person who can do something for the long haul, but I would like to change that, Lord.  Forgive me, for I am a sinner who is in need of You.  I am in need of immediate assistance at this time.  I need help in balancing my hormones and that is the only way that I need to lose weight and be healthy.  Maybe if I could balance my hormones, then I could balance everything else.  I also ask that You would continue to love me and take care as You always have.  I could use a miracle right now when it comes to this issue.  I know exactly what to do, but trying to put it together and taking action is just hard.  I also need all of the support and encouragement I can get.  I thank You for giving me that encouragement and for giving me that love and support.  I give You further thanks and praise.  Thank You, Lord.  Thank You for Your help.

In Jesus' name,