I know that I am concerned about myself and my problems, specifically my health, my eating habits, my exercise regimen, and my thought life. Help me to concentrate not on just matters that are important to me, but on more spiritual things. The problem is, I often focus on the wrong things. What do You have me to focus on? What is Your will for those issues in my life? Those are challenges that I have to face, yet I wonder about this. I wonder what Your will for my life is. I also wonder why I am here. Is it to face my challenges? Is it rather, to face these specific challenges, or is it something else? I feel like a broken record but I realize that You care about every detail of my life.
I admit that I spend more time watching TV or movies than I should. A lot of my praying is about entertainment instead of prayer. How do I pray for You for an invitation into all of my life? How do I surrender all of myself to You? Those are more important than what I watch on TV or what movie to watch. The truth is, I place too much importance on those things and not enough on spiritual matters. Repentance and holiness are far more important than a TV show. I can live without watching a TV show. I am commanded to repent and be holy. Watching a movie is not a command. I need to entertain what is in the Word instead of what I need to entertain myself 24/7. I often find myself getting up and leave for fear of a trigger or find myself drawn to that movie for whatever reason.
I admit that I don't always practice avoidance because of abstaining from the appearance of evil and for that, I apologize, Lord. I avoid because of fear of another trigger. I don't like avoidance as far as having obsessive thoughts because I feel that the obsessions and compulsions have bothered me and ruled me. I embrace having a crush on someone, I embrace having bipolar. How do I embrace having obsessive compulsive disorder? How do I embrace having obsessive thoughts that are now bothersome? How do I keep them from being too much of a focus in my life? Lord, I ask that You would show me how.
I hate having obsessive compulsive disorder. I am told that I have been making a lot of progress which is good. I just wanted to know why despite all of the progress, I still feel that there is a lot of work. I have difficulties yet still. Lord, what do I need to do? How do I focus on the more important spiritual matters? How do I focus on things that are true, lovely, just, fair, and of good report, as well as pure? It would be nice if I were to focus on those things and do so on a consistent basis.
Letters to God