Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Decisions to make

Dear Lord,

I feel like I have so many decisions to make.  Why can't others be friends?  How do I get over the fear? What is all wrong with me?  I have been living in a cycle for many years and while much of them have gone away, the obsessive thoughts that remain annoy me and the compulsions I have difficulty controlling.  My thoughts are similar but I fear that I will become like the OCD Persona.  I will become what I don't like.  The OCD Persona is either a busybody, judgmental, or anxiety-ridden.  I have no idea how to break the cycle of obsessive thoughts and compulsions though I am learning.  What do I need to do?

I also have PCOS but should I try to lose weight according to the PCOS since diabetes is one of the main complications to having PCOS?  Should I lose weight according to the diabetes which has its own complications?  It seems like a chicken and egg philosophy, but is it?  My strategy to lose weight is flawed. Should I even have a strategy?  What should I do?

I am just in a cycle of endless, bothersome thoughts, even more compulsions, and health issues.  Should I be overly concerned about my age and the amount of medications that I take for my age?  I am just tired of always struggling.  I am tired of the mindless eating.  I am just tired of the thoughts and the compulsions.  I just need Your wisdom and guidance.  I ask You also for peace of mind, something that I need right now.  I am having thoughts about a possible celebrity feud and while I don't care, the OCD Persona does.  I, Letters to God, don't care, but the OCD Persona is strong and wants me to care.  God, what should I do?

I don't want to give in to what the OCD Persona has in store for me.  Like I said, I don't like her, but I cannot seem to live without her.  I also have unrepentant sin in my life.  How do I repent of that sin and just not do it again?  I don't want to live this way.  I am not depressed but I just am tired.  I am a bit weary and my whole life is a cycle.  Lord, what should I do?


Letters to God