Friday, April 15, 2016

Expanding my social network


Forgive me for all of my sins.  There have been times when I feel frustrated and alone.  Sometimes I even wonder why my prayers don't get answered.  I wonder, too, if it is my fault.  I just don't know or understand why they aren't answered.  I guess You want me to dig deeper.  Digging deeper in oneself is not easy and it hasn't always been for me.  I don't always know what to do or even how to ask.  I have so many needs and requests to present to You.  I sometimes wonder why if I am saying or doing all of the right things.  I just wish I knew.  Lord, sometimes, I believe that Your ways and thoughts and higher than mine.  I ask for clarity.  I need direction in my life.  You have convicted me to do something.  Take some action.  Do something for myself.  The problem is, I just don't know where to begin.  I ask You for guidance as well.  Lord, what do I need to do?  I have learned to be envious and lonely at not being able to relate to other people.  Looking back at my life, I realize that all I needed was someone I can get close to.  Now, I find myself feeling like the world has passed me by.  I have not grown with the rest of the world.  I have grown complacent.  I needed to realize that the friend or friends have to be true.  I have felt so guilty about not always being able and social towards others. I have social skills though these days, they seem to be lacking.  It is as if I have not grown.  I have nowhere to go or no one else to turn to, but I do have options now.  My question is, should I take those opportunities that have been given to me?  I have prayed about those opportunities, but how will I get there.  How will get anywhere?  I sometimes have resigned myself to where I am and what I am doing.  I need some change in my life.  How do I overcome the mindset that I do have about my social life?  I know that I need to change me.  I also know that I have no idea how to change.  I would like to write to You about other things, and not just my weight or OCD.  I would like to have someone who is a person of integrity to talk to.  I would love to chat about pertinent things.  I would like to date and have a family.  I would like to be independent and stand on my own two feet.  I thank You for giving me the opportunity to express this request in writing.  Thank You.

In Jesus' name,