Thursday, October 16, 2014

Reality v Fantasy

Dear Heavenly Father,

Help me get back to reality.  I am not sure, but does a fantasy world part of the obsessive compulsive disorder.  I admit that I do get pleasure from living in a fantasy world where there are fewer anxieties. It is rather strange what my fantasy is and who it is about.  The person is sadly in the great beyond and hopefully in Heaven.  I will never get to know him or to meet him, which is sad.  Seeing his grave is quite sobering to say the least.  He died young and he seemed to have so much to offer.  The fantasies give me comfort from the modern world.  I wish I could live in reality, but reality was hard. Freedom was even harder.  I wish that I was free from the anxiety that comes with the OCD and from the fantasy world.  However, the fantasy shields me from all of the pain of the anxiety.  It tends to answer the questions that I have about life and people in general.  To my great shame, I have done nothing to follow You and for that, I am sorry.  I wish I could take those last two days back.  Being free left me anxious and unable to cope.  I wish I were able to cope, but I didn't have enough strength to do so.  I felt quite weak and still do.  How do I walk in the freedom that I once had?  How do I do that?  How do I overcome the OCD, anxiety, and the fantasy world that doesn't exist in the real world?  I need Your help and Your repentance and also Your guidance.


Letters to God