Dear Heavenly Father,
I pour my heart out to You. I am not afraid of other people per se, but I am afraid of what they may do to me. I am not sure if it is the anxiety or if it is the low self-esteem. However, it could be both. I am not a strong, happy, wise person and I ask You for wisdom. I feel like a failure at life without a sense of direction. No matter how happy or joyful I try to be, it is overridden by the anxiety and fear.
I have cared so much what others think and have been so anxious when it comes to the real world. That is why I am in a fantasy world. Am I really as shy as I think? I even had obsessive thoughts about being bulled and not being strong enough to stand up for myself. They are no longer bothersome or exist, but at the same time, I do have passing thoughts. I live in a fantasy world for that reason. Today I know of the pitfalls of living in a fantasy world.
The fantasy world has become a solace for the real world. I was hoping that I would grow out of it. I was hoping that I would learn to embrace life and reality in general like I have embraced my age. Maybe I am focusing on my age a bit too much. I guess it is more of an issue than I would like for it to be. My guess is also that I have a load of issues that I have failed to address.
What are the real root causes of my issues? Why am I so fearful and so anxious? Why do I need to live in a fantasy world at 40 years old? The truth is, I would grow out of things like I did out of wrestling for the most part. Sure I watch it every now and then and even contribute to wrestling threads on Facebook. But I have grown out of watching it. I would love nothing more than to grow out of my fantasy world and into reality. That would be very nice. But most of all, I would like to grown out of being fearful and anxious. That would be even nicer.
Letters to God