Dear Heavenly Father,
It is time for me to think about my eternal destination. I am not sure where I stand. My identity is unsure. In other words, I don't know who I am in Jesus Christ. I don't feel good about being stuck in my fantasy world. That world shields me from whatever problems are in the real world. It helps me to cope with anxiety. I realize that deep down that others, including myself, may think that I am crazy. I am a shy person in reality, so it is hard for me to express myself. I am also bored. That is why I would like to do more for myself. As You can see, I am not sure about a lot of things.
I am also worried that maybe just maybe that I have nothing to show for it in reality. Nothing has changed. I don't know how to change. I need Your help. I would like to do more for myself and not fall asleep all day. That is for animals, sick people, and older people. I write this at the risk of being rude. I am too young to not accomplish things and not have a social life. I am too old to stay stuck in a daily rut. I have gotten too used to this life. I have taken life for granted. I need help.
I am at the computer writing this because sitting at the computer and listening to music provides solace for me. I have proven others right. I am lazy, without direction, and proper understanding of the world around me. I don't go to school. I don't work anywhere. I have looked for jobs in the past. My skills are lacking because it has been over a decade since I have done something. I am not a happy person. I am worried about myself and my soul. What should I do now and where will I be headed if You were to come back today? Right now, I have no idea. I need guidance, but I feel like I am invisible and that You won't answer. Will an answer be on its way? I prayed about this and I feel like I will end up the way I am. I will always be stuck. I hate my life. I just don't my life. That is why I have a fantasy world and I am happy to live in it. I don't wish to feel this way.
I am self-centered and isolated. I just don't like some people, including myself. I would like a true friend. I would like a job. I would like and wish a lot of things. That doesn't mean that those things will come true. I have prayed the same prayers over and over again. I would like to change my situation, but I wouldn't know where to begin. The problem is low self-esteem and no transportation. I don't know how to drive. Because of this, I feel like I am far behind. I have gotten complacent in being isolated and living in a fantasy world.
I hate my existence. What is it like to like oneself? I don't always feel that way. What is it like to drive a car? What is it like to go to church or somewhere else and get to meet people? I sometimes feel that no one cares about me or my opinions. I don't feel like a smart person because I have proven not to be a strong person. I am not a strong person. I am unhappy. I have issues with being happy. I am lonely. I need You, Lord. I have always wanted an answer. I want You to hear me. I understand that You have plans for me that are without limit and greater than what I wish. I wish that You would guide me and make me wise. Lord, I want to live in an existence where I can handle reality. I can handle reality and not be anxious. I have gotten used to this existence like it is right now. That is nice. That is all I would want. Money would be nice for finances have been an issue. I would like to just have the strength to move forward. I would like to exercise effectively, eat a proper diet, have strength of mindset and character. I would also like to have a life.
I am tired of the thoughts about how I am lazy. I hate being fixated on being fat. I would like to be praiseworthy and more thankful. I seems like that this is too much to ask, but I keep hearing and reading that there is nothing that is too hard for You. How is this possible? I wish it were possible for me. If I could make a change, I could change my world and change my self existence. That would be my dreamed for existence. I would be a happier person.
Letters to God