Saturday, May 24, 2014

Taking better care of myself

Dear God,

Lord, help me to take better care of myself.  I do need to take my health more seriously.  Sometimes, I feel like I am just "falling apart".  I ask to be healed and thus, made whole.  I have prayed for healing before but I am still suffering.  I guess it was because I came across as selfish before.  Maybe my faith was lacking, I don't know.  Maybe You have another reason why I have not been healed.  I am constantly reminded of those who have cancer or AIDS and it also makes me feel so much like I am so selfish.

There are many who are going through worse diseases that have no cures and also those who have genetic disorders.  Those who are suffering are to be respected.  Like our soldiers, they are unsung heroes.  I ask that You would heel them for I wonder how they manage to deal with having more life-threatening diseases.

Help me, rather warn me about diabetes and what could happen if I am not taking care of myself.  I am just beside myself.  Why can't I get it together?  I have diabetes and I know of the risks or rather, "dangers", so why is it not registering?  It seems like a minor form of diabetes, but is it really?  I have been diagnosed a few years ago and life has changed pretty much for the better, yet I admit that I am taking life for granted.

I give good answers as to why I want to control my diabetes and lose weight, yet I have had difficulty putting it into practice.  I know of the insulin, the amputations, and the early deaths from complications, yet I am scared that it has yet to register with me.  Yesterday, I suffered from one of the effects: having trouble producing saliva.  My mother said that it either may be or it is from the diabetes.  That concerned me a little bit.  I don't like having diabetes, but I am at peace with it because I have been at peace with taking the medication for it.

I still have my doubts and questions about how to take care of myself.  Recall I said that I feel like I am falling apart.  I do feel that way.  I am an overweight diabetic who has PCOS, back problems, OCD, and bipolar disorder, not to mention I am 39 years old.  Life was an even bigger struggle and has been so in the last few years.  Lord, give me the strength that I need to make it through the day.  I go to this doctor and that doctor and this therapist and it can be a little bit much.  On the bright side, at least I am getting help.  I am thankful for that help but going to all of those individuals can be a bit daunting.

It hasn't always been such a rough experience for me whereas things can be a lot worse.  I am surprised by the fact that I have gotten used to all of that yet it makes me tired.  I want to do more, Lord.  Show me what I need to do in order for me to "get it".  I am serious about this but how do I prove to myself that I am taking it more seriously?    Lord Jesus, I touch the hem of your garment.  I ask that You would make me whole. Thank you for making me whole and for healing me.

In Jesus' name,

Amen