Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Dealing with fears

Dear God,

I am afraid.  I am filled with fear, doubt, and uncertainty.  I am surprised that I am not afraid of my own shadow.  I spent my whole life beset by fears and doubts.  The problem is that I have allowed myself to be caught up in the things of the world.  How do I overcome the world like Your word says Jesus did?  How do I follow Jesus when it is so hard?

I ask You for strength.  Having OCD is so annoying and it can be harder to deal with even more so than the bipolar.  I am afraid that I will never get over the OCD, that I will never move on.  I finally realize that I am caught up in sin and especially the sins of others.  I don't like the "OCD Persona".  My fear is that I will become like her, someone who is neurotic, anxiety-ridden, judgmental, and hypocritical.  I fear that I will be a hateful person who judges others, especially those women who commit infidelity.

I am also fearful of the fact that I am diabetic.  Being diabetic is not easy.  I fear that every time I have a dry mouth or even gain a pound, my diabetic symptoms are worsening.  I have so many fears and needs.  I am scared that I have no idea how to change.  Why do I feel so clueless and unable to change?  I don't like being diabetic but having PCOS is hopefully something that I have not used as an excuse.  I am just afraid and I need your healing.  I just hope and pray that I am not getting worse.

I don't know how to overcome fear.  I know the answer, but I have no understanding of how to deal with the torment that I am going through?  These fears I am surprised have not paralyzed me, but I admit that they have made my world smaller.  I often avoid having things and I hate it.  I just feel so alone and I need Your help.  It will be greatly appreciated.


Letters to God