I am afraid. I am filled with fear, doubt, and uncertainty. I am surprised that I am not afraid of my own shadow. I spent my whole life beset by fears and doubts. The problem is that I have allowed myself to be caught up in the things of the world. How do I overcome the world like Your word says Jesus did? How do I follow Jesus when it is so hard?
I ask You for strength. Having OCD is so annoying and it can be harder to deal with even more so than the bipolar. I am afraid that I will never get over the OCD, that I will never move on. I finally realize that I am caught up in sin and especially the sins of others. I don't like the "OCD Persona". My fear is that I will become like her, someone who is neurotic, anxiety-ridden, judgmental, and hypocritical. I fear that I will be a hateful person who judges others, especially those women who commit infidelity.
I am also fearful of the fact that I am diabetic. Being diabetic is not easy. I fear that every time I have a dry mouth or even gain a pound, my diabetic symptoms are worsening. I have so many fears and needs. I am scared that I have no idea how to change. Why do I feel so clueless and unable to change? I don't like being diabetic but having PCOS is hopefully something that I have not used as an excuse. I am just afraid and I need your healing. I just hope and pray that I am not getting worse.
I don't know how to overcome fear. I know the answer, but I have no understanding of how to deal with the torment that I am going through? These fears I am surprised have not paralyzed me, but I admit that they have made my world smaller. I often avoid having things and I hate it. I just feel so alone and I need Your help. It will be greatly appreciated.
Letters to God