Saturday, May 31, 2014

My health concerns

Dear Lord,

I am worried about my health.  I have been worried about my health for quite some time.  I admit that I don't always eat well and exercise much but I need help.  I have mentioned earlier that I need to change.  I am not just willing to change.  I actually want to do so.  I need Your health advice so to speak. 

Lord, I ask for Your forgiveness for all of my sins.  I ask for the Holy Spirit's leading in this area.  Your word says that by Jesus' stripes, I am healed.  I have diabetes and it is uncontrolled.  Help me to control my diabetes.  You are able to help me and give me guidance.  I ask for wisdom and focus on how to consume healthy foods and drinks, and to actually enjoy exercise.

Sometimes I feel like I am too hard on myself.  I have these set goals that I will never accomplish only to have to start over again.   Help me to set realistic goals that I can set.  Right now, I have set a small goal and that is to lose less than five pounds.  I have a condition that makes it harder to lose weight, but it is not impossible.  I know this.

As You well know, I am not just concerned about my health, but I am concerned about being self-conscious about my weight, especially my appearance.  I have a large stomach, so I believe that I have a rather disproportionate body.  I have an average face with a double chin and a toned body with a rather huge belly.  I felt and still feel somewhat guilty about gaining the weight that I have gained.

I wonder if this is okay.  I have become complacent with being overweight for so long, I am now scared to gain weight.  Seeing other overweight people don't bother me, but I feel bad for those who are super obese.  I don't like the phrase morbidly obese because the word morbid means something to be disgusted by in my opinion.  I think that those who are very obese are marginalized and need to be prayed for.  They have addictions, and emotional and health issues and I think that we as Christians should pray for them.

I myself have emotional and health issues.  I am only 39 years old and I find myself feeling like I am literally falling apart with all of my health issues.  I see a counselor, an endocrinologist, and in the past, a physical therapist.  Also I see a nutritionist and diabetes, and not to mention an orthopedic, and eye doctor,  and a general doctor.  I feel like that is just too many doctors and I wonder if I am just a lab rat.  That is how I now feel.  I recall not having to have so many appointments.  Yes, I was overweight, but I recall being less self-conscious about my health.

Then after 2007, I began to gain weight, yet rapidly.  It took around 8 months or so to gain 60 pounds, which was highly unusual for me.  I also have had itchy skin and pregnancy symptoms, but I wasn't pregnant.  One of the worst things that happened was that I began to weigh more than I ever had before and I could no longer do some things that I once took for granted.  I could barely walk and do other things.  I felt slowed down.  Father, I don't pray often enough about my health.  So I am asking You for healing and wholeness.  Jesus healed lepers and raised the dead.  I believe that with You, all things are possible.

Thank You.


Letters to God