I am not a strong person. I feel like I am so weak and powerless sometimes if not often. I have difficulty applying even the simplest tasks sometimes. For example, I have difficulty losing weight. Maybe I am not fully committed to losing weight. Mentally everything seems to be okay but physically I have no real commitment though I have every reason to commit and commit totally. I am overweight, if not obese, I am diabetic, and high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I even wheeze at times, I am growing out of clothes, and be able to do things that others take for granted. For years I have been comparing myself to others, but I have become more self-conscious of my weight and my appearance. I just wish that I wasn't so self-conscious. The truth is, I have no real goals set though I have tried in the past. Help me, Lord with this.
I haven't always been a good Christian. I am a sinner yes, but I am not the most obedient salt and light that I could be. I have been having doubts for years about being born again. I still am not so sure if I am truly born again. I have asked Jesus for salvation but it is as if I have to find the right words to say. I realize that I am invoking something whenever I pray. It is as if I pray words instead of in faith. I am not so sure if I even call You Heavenly Father. I pray to You for one thing and pray to Jesus for other things. My faith is not as strong as it should be. I need help, Lord.
I am also in need of not being scared of other people and what they are going to do to me. I have been this way since my childhood. I have been and still have been unable to stand up for myself. I can't do certain things because I have too little love and respect for myself. I wonder if that makes me a friend of the world and one of Your enemies. I am so caught up in the things of the world that I often fail to realize that all of this is temporary. I wish I didn't feel this way and be this way. That is why so many of my letters and prayers are so negative. I would like to be positive every once in a while. Help me, Lord, for I tire of all of the negativity in my life. I hate that I have allowed this to happen.
I also need healing from having mental and emotional problems. I realize that there are those who have AIDS, cancer, ebola, and other diseases that are far more deadly. I will pray for them. I am so saddened that diseases exist. I wish that all of us could be healthy, including myself. That is I believe I ask for healing. The truth is, I cannot take it anymore. I tire of the negative thoughts, the condemnation, the compulsions, the low self worth that goes with it. I also tire of the obsessive thoughts and all of these issues. I wonder too much about fictional characters and what kind of people they are. I am afraid that those on television will be like those in my thoughts. I have grown obsessed with television and movies. Lord, please heal me. I just am not strong enough to deal with it all. This has become too much. Help me, Lord.
Letters to God