Anxiety Testimony

Lord,

Help me.  I need Your help and Your continued understanding of what I have been going through. Sometimes the anxiety and even the mood swings have become too much to bear.  It can get rough or it can get better.  I don't know why, but distractions tend to calm my mind.  Once my mind is calm, I guess I am calm

I tend to get anxious about my entertainment choices and it doesn't make any sense. My topic of anxiety makes no sense. It seems like OCD or anything else makes any sense. I am not in a relationship. No one has ever cheated on me. I have never been divorced. I have no kids or paternity issue. I have never been cheated on. It no longer matters why I have the disorder, but I have a hard time embracing everything else. It is quite a struggle. I wonder if I will ever be cured or this. I told God how I have felt.

Right now, I am feeling better. There are times when I feel that I get better only to get worse. How do I count this issue count it all joy when there are worse things out there? Sometimes i feel guilty about having OCD and also it is as if the world is on my shoulders. My bone of contention is watching a certain tv show where one of the female characters commit infidelity with her husband's best friend. The husband knows about it. I wonder if I should continue watching what little I have watched or should I avoid it. I hate avoidance knowing that it would make the OCD worse or at least continue. I even wonder if there is such thing as a healthy avoidance or at least caution. I wish I knew all the answers. Maybe I would feel better.

I too have prayed, read, fasted for a number of reasons, cried out, and done all that I can to have this depression and anxiety taken off of me. I do attend therapy sessions and I also take medication. It helps with the bipolar but sometimes with the anxiety as well. Maybe I need to fast more, and for longer periods of time. However, I realize that I can't always depend on medication. I don't drink alcohol or smoke, but I wonder what can I drink or eat that can worsen the anxiety or depression.

Thank You for giving me the opportunity to present this request.  Thank You for answering my prayer.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Thanks and praise

Lord,

I thank You.  Thank You for Your love for me.  Thank You for Your kindness and mercy.  Thank You for the grace that has been extended to me.  Thank You for saving me.  All praises to You.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Being totally honest

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am glad that I have been pouring my heart out for the past two days.  I am also glad that I don't have to hide anymore.  I finally had the courage to expose myself.  Things have been so bad yesterday that I even thought about hospitalization.  It seems as if I have no idea on how to remain uncertain and how to be less anxious.  I also need help not to take things so seriously.  Remind me that acceptance is another key to feeling better.  I guess I will never know why I have this disorder, but it doesn't matter.  I guess if I were to accept things, then I will really choose to not to be anxious.  I want to laugh and love again.  Being entertained is the least of my concerns right now.  I look forward to all of those days again.  I don't forward to any triggers mind you, but I do look forward to the day when I can accept this.  I want to just embrace it.  I want to say hi to it.  Maybe even no longer see it as a problem but something that I no longer see as a bully.  I don't just want to look forward to that day. I want today to be the day.

I thank You.


Sincerely,

Letters to God

An honest look about having OCD today

Lord,

I thank You that I have a mother who understands what I am going through.  I feel like I have a weight lifted off of me.  I wasn't exactly sure how she would react.  There are things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things that do matter to me.  Well at least the obsessions and compulsions. I made a mistake trying to "expose" myself to the anxiety.  Big mistake.  It made me even more anxious, I believe.  It is best to not allow myself to be exposed.  Finally I had a talk with You and needless to say, I have finally been honest with You.  I explained what is really going on.  I feel like I have carried the world on my shoulders and I wonder if I still feel that way.  I was embarrassed and I felt guilty about having this disorder.

I have love and support despite all of that and I know that there are others who are suffering.  Being isolated and alone does not help my condition.  The truth is, I have grown tired of having the condition and everything that came with it.  Also, I tire of having these thoughts.  I wonder still if this is a spiritual attack.  I recall that I commanded the enemy and as a result, all of the cares and burdens were lifted up.  I thank You for this was an answer to my prayer.

However, I feel like I have regressed.  I messed up.  It all started with a crush I have and still have a little bit on the actor who sadly passed away.  His death is such a sobering reminder of life being so short.  I still wonder about his eternal destiny but I first and foremost I think of my eternal destiny. I felt like the obsessive thoughts and the anxiety that came with them has made me tired.  Maybe if I were to let go of this, that, and others, and remain uncertain then all will be well.  However, I am have lost the ability to control this thing.  I feel bad because I have regressed.  It was as I wasted Your blessing.  How could I do that?  I cannot believe I gave in.  I cannot believe that "exposing" myself was a good idea.  I thought it was a way to conquer my fears about what I am most afraid of. It only made the anxiety worse, hence, the sleep disturbances.

Right now, I am doing much better. I feel whole again.  Right now as I am typing, I still have images. I guess that this too shall pass. I hope so.  I ask for healing and wholeness.  I also ask for forgiveness of any bitterness and resentment left in me.  I simply cannot take another day of these obsessive thoughts, images, and compulsions. I tire of these things.  I am not interested in having fun and putting entertainment as a priority.  What I am interested in is being made whole and concentrating and making You my top Priority.  I thank You that You have answered my prayers.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

Fighting this problem that is mine

Lord,

Unfortunately, I gave in to my compulsions. I am not proud of doing so.  I would like to overcome these obsessive thoughts and not give in.  I realize the key to doing so is to recognize that I have a problem and to embrace that I have obsessive  thoughts and perform compulsions on a regular basis. The thoughts do not really come and go.  At least they have not lately.  Today was a rough day. I am glad to have rested myself this afternoon.  I wish I had done so earlier.  I feel so much better.  I am now refreshed and the obsessive thoughts are largely gone.  This time, these thoughts are about fictional characters.  I realize that they are fake, but the obsessions are or seem so real.  It is as if they are the only things that are on my mind though I realize they are not.  I have finally accepted that this will be a hard fought battle.  I just sometimes don't feel like fighting.  Right now, I feel better but when have things gotten worse.  I am just tired of these obsessions and compulsions.  Interestingly enough, I wonder if these thoughts are a way to draw closer to You and make me more dependent on You.  I think about that ever so often. Is it that though?  Is it about a spiritual attack?  I have thought about it because it was so bad this morning that my sleep was disturbed.  I could think of this show that I don't often watch but the theme of infidelity was apparent.  It makes no sense why I have these specific thoughts.  The truth is, it never will make sense, so I have given up trying to find the answers.  Maybe if I could do that with my obsessions, then I realize that I will feel better, much much better.  Remind me of this so that I will not only embrace and accept the OCD, but that I will stand up the OCD, meaning let me not give up.  I rather pray for healing however.  Help me, Lord.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

"Dilemma"

Heavenly Father,

There is no dilemma.  I realize that it is the obsessive thoughts talking.  I feel like giving in to the compulsions is quite addictive.  I am not so sure if can quit cold turkey.  I feel so alone, though I know that I am not alone.  Lord Jesus Christ, forgive me for my sins.  Work a miracle in my life. I would like more than anything to overcome these obsessive thoughts about what I obsess over and compulsions.  The compulsions are about find and doing the "research" that I so seek. I know the thoughts make no sense and they are not a reflection of me.  I feel so guilty about the things that I have done wrong.  Next time I will ask You if there are things that are pleasing to You or if there are things that are sinful and wrong.  I don't wish to disrespect You in any way, shape, or form.  I ask that You would fill me with Your Holy Spirit.  Watch over and take care of me, Lord.  Help me to live and think righteously.  I know that things don't make no sense, because the so-called dilemmas have nothing to do with reality, but with fiction.  I won't rationalize it nor do I need to explain things away nor do I to do any such research.  They will only make things worse.  Should I fight them or let the anxiety pass?  The truth is, they seem to make things worse.  Entertainment seems to make things worse as far as things go.  It seems so silly because in the grand scheme of things, it is.  I don't wish to explain anything because even that will be counterproductive. I feel so abnormal because I make the thoughts look like such a big deal.  I know that things should not matter but mind says that they do.  Heal me of this hardship.  Heal me of these thoughts.  Set a watch over my mouth.  Heal and anoint me and including my hands that I would not give in to those compulsions.  Your word says to be anxious for nothing but right now I feel like my hands are feeling the anxiety.  Maybe it is a sign to let the thoughts and the anxiety pass.  That is my desire: to overcome the anxious thoughts, to see things as they really are, and to make sure that I don't give in to things that are not real.  What I see on television or in the movies do not affect me personally nor should they.  It is only a TV show. TV shows end all of the time.  My relationship with You does not, nor will it.  Give me the wisdom and guidance to live for You and to serve You all the days of my life.  I will dwell in Your House, Forever.

In Your name, Jesus,


Amen

Obsessive Compulsive "Perfection" Disorder

Dear Heavenly Father,

May I not waste my time with the little things that produce nothing but even hard ache and pain.  I made a mistake and that is to give in to compulsions.  I commanded the devil to leave me and all was well.  I have to do so again.  The devil is a liar seeking whom he may devour.  My pain has been lifted off of me and for that, I am ever grateful.  I am sorry in that I may have gone back.  I don't wish to regress.  I have a perfectionist issue that I need to work on.  I know that living can be hard sometimes but I have to remind myself of many things.  Even though I tend to overwhelm easily, You are always there.  I am not alone, though there seem to be times when I feel this way.  My desire is to like a repentant, obedient life where I can and will endure until the end.  You have given me so much hope today.  I have to confess that going to fall asleep was a big mistake.  I feel like I have regressed to the point of disappointed.  I would like to stop doing research reassurance.  It is only temporary.  I will never get those minutes or hours that I have done so.  Give me the strength that and the guidance that I need to overcome these compulsions.  They are much harder than the obsessions to overcome.  I don't know what to do in this situation.  I tried to let the thoughts pass but feeling and letting myself being anxious seems to be counterproductive when lining up with Your Word.  It says to be anxious for nothing, so how do I reconcile that with scripture?  I guess I need to read and study and pray more.  I also need help in how to deal with thoughts about what I had thoughts about.  I had to distract myself from these thoughts but I don't just want to distract myself from those thoughts. I would like to overcome them.  I pray for healing; I know that by Jesus' stripes I am already healed. I don't believe in name it and claim it, but how do I believe that I am already healed?  I know that Jesus heals but sometimes I feel like I have to say the right words in order to heal not just me, but others as well.  Sometimes I just don't know what to say.  It doesn't help that I have not make You my Top Priority.  Show me and teach me Your ways, Lord.  I am in definite need of You right now.  Thank You for answering this prayer.  I say this in faith.

In Jesus' name,

Amen