Dear Lord

Dear God,

I wonder if I have committed idolatry last night.  I am not sure if my crush is an obsession or if my obsession is idolatry.  I do worry that a simple crush can turn into obsession.  I have all the trappings of an obsession.  I can live without him sure.  I have this long to live without him.  I don't even remember when the obsession all started.

I am in an obsession mode.  Maybe it is a crush.  I am so confused right now.  I just hope that I am not an idolator.  I know that idolatry can take away from my relationship with you and I certainly don't want that.  I want you.  I need you.  I want a relationship with you.  I want a closer relationship with You.

My desire is to have a closer walk with You.  I put my trust in You.  I don't trust myself or my motives even when it comes to my walk with You.  I believe that I am Heavenbound, but I am not sure if I am ready.  I live everyday fighting and fighting and fighting.  I wonder if the OCD is a part of my fight.  After all, Your word says to fight the good fight of faith.

I need all of the strength, wisdom, and guidance.  I need a sense of direction in my life, but I don't know where to begin.  There is so much I want to do and need to do.  But like I said, I don't trust myself or my motives.  I put my trust in You because You know me better than I know myself.  For that, I am forever grateful.

Sincerely,

Letters To God