I wonder if I have committed idolatry last night. I am not sure if my crush is an obsession or if my obsession is idolatry. I do worry that a simple crush can turn into obsession. I have all the trappings of an obsession. I can live without him sure. I have this long to live without him. I don't even remember when the obsession all started.
I am in an obsession mode. Maybe it is a crush. I am so confused right now. I just hope that I am not an idolator. I know that idolatry can take away from my relationship with you and I certainly don't want that. I want you. I need you. I want a relationship with you. I want a closer relationship with You.
My desire is to have a closer walk with You. I put my trust in You. I don't trust myself or my motives even when it comes to my walk with You. I believe that I am Heavenbound, but I am not sure if I am ready. I live everyday fighting and fighting and fighting. I wonder if the OCD is a part of my fight. After all, Your word says to fight the good fight of faith.
I need all of the strength, wisdom, and guidance. I need a sense of direction in my life, but I don't know where to begin. There is so much I want to do and need to do. But like I said, I don't trust myself or my motives. I put my trust in You because You know me better than I know myself. For that, I am forever grateful.
Letters To God