Overcoming fear

Dear Heavenly Father,

I admit that I have not been made perfect in love.  My biggest issue is fear.  It is something that has held me back for so long.  I have been living a safe life for so long, it is as if I don't know anything else.  Right now, I am writing about the fears that I have.  I may have written this before, but I have fears that won't go away.

My weight has been a struggle for a long time.  For most of my life, my weight has gone up and down and now I would like for my weight to go down.  I need Your guidance, Your strength, and Your support.  I have failed to eat food in moderation.  I have difficulty eating smaller portions of food.  Eating healthy foods is not hard to do, but eating in moderation is.  I have fears about that.  Once I finish writing and learning, I will go back to my old habits of eating large quantities of food.  My fear is that I will not keep this up.  I have no idea how to face my fears when it comes to well, anything.

If I could take my medication everyday, go on blogs most days, and change my hair a few times every week, then it wouldn't be impossible to lose weight.  Wrong.  It is something that I struggle with.  It is something that I am afraid of.  I am afraid of not being able to lose weight and keep it off.  I have exaggerated my weight issue with You, but the fact that I don't want to get too comfortable being clinically obese is true.  I don't want that to be me.  I don't want to weigh at least 350-400 lbs. because of fear.  That is the only reason why I want to lose weight.

I am afraid that I will fail again.  I am afraid that I will never be motivated to exercise and diet.  I need to exercise and eat healthy.  I want to buy the gym equipment.  I would like to buy athletic shoes and active wear.  I don't want to waste my money like I did on Weight Watchers.  It is like a numbers game more so than anything else.  I am afraid to fail.  How do I overcome those fears when it comes to something as big and as important as my health?  I can put on makeup, fix my hair, and invest and sometimes ending up wasting money, yet I have no clue how to take better care of my body.

I want things to be perfect.  I have become anxious and fearful as a result.  Give me the peace of mind and the guidance that I so need with the issue of fear.  Fear is supposed to be false evidence appearing real, but that is not the case with me.  Fear is real and it exist.  I need help, Your help, in overcoming fear.  Fear is the root cause of my problem.  That is the root cause of my going up and down and my changing views about weight loss.  Today, my heart is now in it, but I am scared.  Will I ever live one day at a time?  Will I end up doing what is hard?  Taking care of myself and balancing my hormones outside of drinking water and taking medication is hard.  It has been a struggle for me.  I just wanted to give up, but not now.  I want to take action.  Making a mistake to me equals messing up, even to the point of failure and "starting over" again.

I admitted that I have procrastinated for so long that I have gotten comfortable.  I want and need to take action.  My goal is to lose 100 pounds and live life as a healthy and fit person.  I don't desire imagining that anymore.  I have given up on myself and I don't want to do that anymore either.  I would like to overcome fear, but I need help.  I don't know how to overcome fear and I need Your help and Your wisdom.  Help me to overcome the root issues of the fears that I have.  Fear and anxiety have overtaken me for so long that I feel alone.  I have little support.  I have made no choices or bad choices.  Going shopping and eating chocolates does not help me.  I have given in to my cravings instead of controlling them.  They have controlled me.  Food and some drinks don't love me back.

Your word does say to be anxious for nothing.  My petition is that You would continue to help and guide me in this matter.  Help me to not allowing fear to take over.  I realize that I will make a mistake, but help me to understand that it doesn't mean that I am destined for failure.  Help me and teach me how to do things that are hard.  Losing weight is hard.  Thank You for answering my prayers and for finally giving me the desire to lose the weight and keep it off.  Thank You for hearing me.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Balance is my greatest need right now.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Help me to find a balance.  My hormones are the reason why things are so out of whack.  It finally dawned on me to actually let it register.  I need and want to lose weight through diet and exercise, but I don't know where to begin.  I have been waiting for others even You to give me that push so that I can lose weight through diet and exercise.  My hormones are out of balance and I feel like I have to do it by myself.  Give me the guidance that I need to make the right decision whether or not I should quit Weight Watchers.  I have my reasons for wanting to quit and reasons for wanting to stay.  I want to stay on the program, but the problem is, I have been so frustrated because I have given up on myself.  Today's session has taught me that. For the first time I have realized that yes, I do need a push, but no, I can't wait for others to do it for me.  I realize that I need to start over myself.  I want to make exercise a habit.  I want to eat healthy.  The truth is, I am not so sure where to begin, especially when it comes to exercise.  I find myself inspired by others but it is hard to just go out there and just start.  I am afraid that I will fail.  I am scared of making even making the littlest mistakes that I have ended up procrastinating and making excuses. 

I need to change because of my desire to lose weight.  I have my goals and the sad truth is that I have gotten lazy because I have gotten used to be the way that I am.  I don't like how I look.  I don't like having difficulty doing things that others take for granted.  I have a hard time going through smaller spaces.  I don't wish to any longer find comfort in that.  I feel like I am fat, lazy, and motivated.  I could have been a thinner person who has been happier and more fit all along.  I am not happy because of what I have become.  I know that I have a hormonal condition that is no joke.  I have gained a lot of weight in a short period of time and I feel like "I have never recovered" from that weight gain.  I am taking a lot of medications and supplements.  I am young, but arthritic.  

I don't find myself attractive or even pretty.  I am one of those overweight people who finds herself having a pretty face, but not such a pretty body.  You know how I look.  I know how I look.  To You, I am beautiful, but I have failed to see myself in that light.  I have struggled with my weight realizing it has been my fault all along.  I don't wish to hide or stay in a shell any longer.  I wish I could go back and change it.  I have decided to make that change today.  I will not be scared to eat breakfast for fear of making a mistake by eating unhealthy.  It is true that I am not hungry, but I am naive about a lot of things and I want, need, and desire to learn.  I am willing to learn.  I definitely want to change the course of my life.  I need to do more for myself. It is like I know what to do, but I struggle to even do that.  I need to learn to say no and eat in moderation.  I have all of the rules, regulations, and meal plans, but I need Your help in following them. Even the simplest thing is very hard for me to do.

I feel like I am not smart enough to even follow that.  What is wrong with me?  How could I not know how to do that?  I am just not a person who can do something for the long haul, but I would like to change that, Lord.  Forgive me, for I am a sinner who is in need of You.  I am in need of immediate assistance at this time.  I need help in balancing my hormones and that is the only way that I need to lose weight and be healthy.  Maybe if I could balance my hormones, then I could balance everything else.  I also ask that You would continue to love me and take care as You always have.  I could use a miracle right now when it comes to this issue.  I know exactly what to do, but trying to put it together and taking action is just hard.  I also need all of the support and encouragement I can get.  I thank You for giving me that encouragement and for giving me that love and support.  I give You further thanks and praise.  Thank You, Lord.  Thank You for Your help.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Don't give up

Dear Heavenly Father,

Give me the strength to never give up.  Today's theme is to never give up.  Right now I feel like giving up.  I realize that it has never registered.  That is why losing weight is so hard for me.  I don't want to give up, but that is what I feel like doing.  I have overeaten in the past and I realize that I don't want to do that anymore. I pray about this, but it is like I have never been as honest as I hope to be now.  I weigh over 300 pounds and I have gotten used to weighing over 300 pounds.  The truth of the matter is, that is the least of my concerns. I have gotten happy with my weight and that is a problem.  I want to quit Weight Watchers, but I know I need help.  I cannot make it on my own when it comes to losing weight.  I have difficulty applying what I have learned.  Applying with I have learned worked for a while but I went back to my old habits.  The truth is, while the chocolate bars and the cupcakes and cookies were good, they are not helping me.  I am not doing a good job on trying to lose weight.  Well, the truth is, I have not tried.  Failure is my fault.  I know I need to lose weight and I know I need the support, but the real story is, I wonder if my heart is really in it.  There are periods when I have the desire to lose weight and there are other times when I just don't care any more.  I'd rather care.  I am spending money on a program that hasn't worked for me and the truth is, I want to quit.  I don't know what I am doing.  All I am really doing is playing the numbers game.  I don't know if I should stay on this program.  I have made a promise to stay on the program for a year.  Half the year is not over yet and I wish to give up.  If I were to give up, this would be my third time quitting and this would be the third time I would be wasting money.  I can't do that and I don't wish to do that anymore.  I realize that this is a decision I need to make for myself.  However, I ask for Your guidance.  I ask You to show me what I need to do.  I want to exercise and eat a healthy diet, but I don't know how to do those things.  I need immediate assistance in this manner.  Lord, I realize that I need a miracle.  I thank You for answering this prayer and I praise You that this prayer will be answered if it hasn't already.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

I know something is wrong with me

Lord,

I hate right now.  I have heard voices for a long time.  In fact, I know that You are trying to tell me something.  I realize that that is what You are doing.  I saw my father once 20 years ago.  I wondered how my life would have changed had he were alive.  I was close to my father. who in fact died nearly 30 years ago.  He was 62; I was only 12.  I feel like I could have been closer with him however.  I also have trouble remembering things, but at least with my father, he is in a better place.  I would like to know about any changes that I need to make in my life.  I just don't see things improving.  I need wisdom so that I would know what I need to do.  I also ask You for guidance.  Thank You for answering my prayers.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

A Lack of a Connection

Lord,

Bring me closer to You.  I feel a strong disconnect from You.  I don't know what is going on.  Help me.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

What is going on now

Lord,

I know something is wrong with me.  I am not the same person I have been even a few days before.  I am not a happy person.  I am trapped and I am in pain.  I don't know what to do or say.  Help me.

In Jesus' name,


Amen

Who I want to be and who I saw

Dear Heavenly Father,

Today I am a bit sore.  It is also my last day of physical therapy.  I look forward to doing the exercises that has been given to me.  Right now, I might have to modify it.  I wasn't sure I was going to finish all of my sessions but I did.  I am so sore from the exercises and the weights that were put on me.  This isn't the first time that I completed a physical therapy session.  In fact, this was my second. Being there was far more of a motivation session that even the first.  I looked at myself in the mirror what I saw I didn't like.  I have to admit that.  I had no issue with the person looking back at me.  I did and still do have an issue with her appearance.  I saw a person who needed and wanted to lose weight.

This time I was going to do something about it.  I finally did.  Right now, while it hasn't been smooth sailing, I am actually learning to deal and actually dealing with the issues that I have.  I could have chosen to go to Weight Watchers meetings.  I lost weight so far so I must be doing something right.  That is what I need to focus on.  A lady gave me some fantastic advice.  This has become my motto: direction not perfection.  I am new to this third time I joined Weight Watchers and one of the reasons for past failures and frustrations was that I was overwhelmed.

I have to deal with being overwhelmed.  For years I was stressed out and I do now wonder how much of a toll stress has taken on me.  I realize that the direction I am going and have to continue going, is forward or northward. My goal was for the perfect day or the perfect weight. The truth is I had no set goal.  The good news is now I do.  There are things that would go a long way into losing weight and a set goal is a large one.  As a person who has a "perfectionist" personality, I began to give up on myself.  I finally realized that the answer to consistency in losing weight is to not only persevere but to expect and embrace the positives of this journey.  I love this going the long way as if I were a tortoise.  I now see the big picture by taking a few small steps.

Thank You,

In Jesus' name,

Amen